How could I live without the ones I love?

'Come on Andy... Pick up the damn phone!', I thought.
"Hey, Sarah! What's up?", she said. She heard me crying. "Oh my god, Sarah! What happened?"
"Can I go to your house, Andy?", I asked.
"Of course you can, sweetie.", she replied.
"Thank you.", I said.

I lied to Zacky when I said I was returning to my old house. When I moved to his house Andy and John bought one for them, so we sold it. Andy didn't live far from Zacky's house so I walked towards there, still with tears falling from my eyes.

"Sarah, what happened?", Andy asked when I arrived.
"Everything...", I answered.
Andy had asked John to leave the house so I could be more comfortable with her, but I didn't want him to leave. John and Andy were the ones who knew me better. They knew how to calm me down.
I explained everything that had happened in the last minutes to them and the only thing Andy could say was "Oh, honey! Did you really think he would cheat on you with those girls? He loves you!"
That made me cry again, because deep inside I knew I had committed a huge mistake.
"I can't change anything now...", I said. "What's done is done."
They both hugged me and John set an improvised bed for me to sleep.

Six months passed.
Andy kept doing her best to ensure the band's success and I kept helping them as much as I could. I hadn't speak properly to Zacky since that night, he couldn't look at me the same way he did before.
I got a new boyfriend, but I constantly remembered the times I spent with Zacky. We'd been together for more than two years, and I still loved him - I knew it. He was still single, but I knew he took girls to his house some nights, and that fucking hurt. But I knew he still felt something for me, or I believed he did.
Jimmy became one of my best friends. I could trust him my life and he helped me with everything I needed.
Suddenly I got a call from Ryan - my actual 'boyfriend', if you could call him that. I realized in the past few days that I felt nothing for him but friendship. I still had feelings for Zacky, and they weren't weak.
"Who's it?", asked Jimmy.
"It's Ryan again...", I sighed with a sad smile.
Jimmy knew I was starting to get tired of Ryan. He was starting to be a pain in the ass. He kept calling me, wanted to know where I was, what I was doing, who I was with - and I wasn't willing to continue my relationship with him.
"You should go and talk to him...", Jimmy said. "Personally."
He stood up and left, which meant it was time for me to go and end everything I had with Ryan.

"Hey, Andy!", I said as she picked up the phone. "Cancel everything you've planned for today!"
"Why?", she asked suspiciously. Her relationship with John wasn't exactly going well and that was affecting her.
"We're free, and young! We've gotta have some fun from times to times!", I replied.
"I don't know...", she said. "The guys are finishing recording demos, they'll be hitting the studio soon.".
She was tired, she had been working a lot since she had argued with John, and now that the guys were almost with another album ready to be recorded she was working to forget her problems. I didn't want her to forget that I was there for her as she'd been there for me.
"I don't wanna hear that! I'll pick you up at 8, okay?", I said.
"Okay.", she said.

We went to a bar and asked for some drinks.
"So, how are you and Ryan?", she asked.
"We aren't.", I answered. "I broke up with him today."
"Finally!", she said smiling. "I was starting to get worried you didn't realize that Zacky is the man for you."
She had finished saying that when I looked right and saw no one else but Zacky asking for some drinks. My happiness crumbled down when I saw he was with another girl, that was not only ugly but she also seemed like she wanted nothing more but have fun.
"Sarah, can't you understand that he only loves you?", Andy said looking me in the eyes. "Do you honestly think he likes these girls?"
"He saw me, Andy. And he didn't give a shit about me.", I said feeling water coming to my eyes.
"Let's forget all our problems and have fun!", she said. "Excuse me.", she said to the bartender trying to catch his attention. "Give us the best drinks you have!"

We had a fun night. I managed to forget about Zacky for a couple hours.
When we were ready to leave we saw the girl that was with him running to the back of the bar. She started puking everything she'd had eaten and drunk before, but where was he?
"Stay here with her. I'm gonna go warn the bartender.", I told Andy.
"Okay.", she mumbled.
After the girl was helped by the bartender, Andy and I decided to leave the bar.

"What a night.", I said.
"It seems it's not over yet.", she added.
Zacky left shortly after us and surpassed me hitting my shoulder, accidentally.
"Sorry.", he mumbled before looking back. "Oh... You were the ones who took care of Melissa."
"Yeah. Sarah warned the bartender.", Andy said.
"It's nice to know you helped her.", I said sarcastically. "I don't even want to imagine if it had been me."
"Everything would have been different with you.", Zacky said shaking his head.
"I think I'm gonna leave you two alone.", Andy said backing off.
"I doubt it.", I said ironically smiling.
"Do you think I would leave the only girl I care about without helping her?", he said with a wounded expression on his eyes.
"You've left her before...", I said as I felt my eyes watering.
"I left her? I was not the one who ran away from my problems.", he said. "I didn't run away from them without caring about the people I love."
I could feel hurt in his words.
I looked him in the eyes and the only thing that came to my mind was how much I wanted to be his girl again. How much I wanted to hug him, kiss him and spend my time with that crazy motherfucker.
But I couldn't. I couldn't because I made the biggest mistake of my life when I gave up on everything.
I felt the tears coming back to my eyes, but I tried to hold them as much as I could. I didn't want to cry in front of him. Not after what he told me.
"I cared about who I love. I fucking cared about all of them. But I also cared for me.", I said.
"You could have talked to me. You could have told me all the shit that was going through your mind because I would listen to everything! Everything!", he said as he grabbed my arm.
I couldn't retain the tears anymore.
"Did you think it was easy for me to leave you? See you with a different girl every week? Not being able to talk to you, kiss you, hug you? Did you honestly think I don't love you anymore?", I said. Now I was hurt. Hurt and lost.
"It looks like you don't.", he grumbled looking down.
"But I do. I fucking do! And it hurts to know that I can't be with you!", I said with tears rolling down my face.

I left the bar running. I was running without a direction. I just wanted to get out of there. I didn't want to go back home, I didn't want to be with Andy or any of the guys. I wanted to be alone.