A Bleeding Lily
Afraid of Truth
7 September 2008 {Sunday}
God, school begins tomorrow. I don't know if I can handle it.
I wish I could say that things have gotten easier, that time really does heal all wounds but it seems to me that people who say that are just liars.
I think a part of me is terrified that maybe they're not liars, that life does get better. I'm scared of that because at this point I don't even know what a happy life would feel like. How could I even begin to have a happy life without you? And I feel guilty that I want words of comfort to be false, just so I can stay safe in this darkness. I know it's wrong, that it's sick, but I can't help it.
I'm afraid to rebuild my life. I'm afraid that it'll be more painful than what I'm feeling now. And I understand that if I don't try I'll never know. Maybe I really could get to the point where life would be worth something. A place in my mind where life could feel worth living.
God, school begins tomorrow. I don't know if I can handle it.
I wish I could say that things have gotten easier, that time really does heal all wounds but it seems to me that people who say that are just liars.
I think a part of me is terrified that maybe they're not liars, that life does get better. I'm scared of that because at this point I don't even know what a happy life would feel like. How could I even begin to have a happy life without you? And I feel guilty that I want words of comfort to be false, just so I can stay safe in this darkness. I know it's wrong, that it's sick, but I can't help it.
I'm afraid to rebuild my life. I'm afraid that it'll be more painful than what I'm feeling now. And I understand that if I don't try I'll never know. Maybe I really could get to the point where life would be worth something. A place in my mind where life could feel worth living.
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Comments, please!~aep