A Bleeding Lily
Dread
7 April 2008 {Monday}
The court date's been set: the 28th of April. That sense of fury that burned inside of me has ebbed. Now the only thing I can feel is pure dread. Somebody once said that dread is much worse than fear because it lingers. Those feelings of apprehension and terror; that sense of knowing that what lies ahead of you is looming closer and closer, ready to swallow you whole.
It's bad enough that I have to relive it every night. But can I bear to sit there and tell everybody what happened, while he's not more that ten feet from me?
I want to, I want to help bring him down for what he did to you, and to stop him from ever doing it again. But now I don't know if I can face it. God, just the thought of it is making me tremble. I never used to shudder like this. Now it happens all the time. My mom noticed, she made another appointment with Bob. To be fair, I probably wouldn't hate the guy if we had met under different circumstances. But these circumstances, the circumstances of the real world, have infused me with that sense of hatred. Hatred that is spreading, making me despise everyone I know.
Everyone except you.
The court date's been set: the 28th of April. That sense of fury that burned inside of me has ebbed. Now the only thing I can feel is pure dread. Somebody once said that dread is much worse than fear because it lingers. Those feelings of apprehension and terror; that sense of knowing that what lies ahead of you is looming closer and closer, ready to swallow you whole.
It's bad enough that I have to relive it every night. But can I bear to sit there and tell everybody what happened, while he's not more that ten feet from me?
I want to, I want to help bring him down for what he did to you, and to stop him from ever doing it again. But now I don't know if I can face it. God, just the thought of it is making me tremble. I never used to shudder like this. Now it happens all the time. My mom noticed, she made another appointment with Bob. To be fair, I probably wouldn't hate the guy if we had met under different circumstances. But these circumstances, the circumstances of the real world, have infused me with that sense of hatred. Hatred that is spreading, making me despise everyone I know.
Everyone except you.
♠ ♠ ♠
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