A Bleeding Lily

17 April 2008 {Thursday}

"I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a hand print on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend..."

It's true. It's so odd to think of it that way, but that's exactly what happened. I still don't know how I feel about it but I guess that's okay.

You said it takes time to sort through emotions. How much time? I'm sick of this muddled confusion that's been eating at me since --

Eleven days until the trial starts. That just popped into my head. It's coming too quickly. Everything is happening to quickly and too slowly all at once. It doesn't make any sense. It's like we're put on this earth to get spun around until all the colors have blurred and nothing seems right. Then if we can manage to separate everything and make sense of it, we might survive. If not, if you can't find your way, you just stay lost.

My thoughts are jumbled and I don't know anything anymore.

I'm lost.

I'm so lost, and you're not here to help me find the path.