Not Meant.
Regretting.
Dinner was fairly good. It wasn't until after dinner that my mom and I went outside. She lit up a cigarette and stood a distance away from me.
"Are you happy?" She asked, shifting her eyes to mine.
"Yeah." I nodded, then stared at the floor.
"I just want you to be happy." She frowned, taking a hit of her cig.
"I am." I assured, taking a gulp.
"You don't have to move in with him, you know." She whispered.
"I know." I replied, and she let out a deep breath.
"You don't think he did this on purpose do you?" She assumed, part of me was angered but a part of me had wondered the same thing.
"I don't think he did." I nervously laughed. "He's just as scared as I am."
"That's normal." My mom assured, then put her cigarette out. "I love you."
"I love you too, mommy." I replied, then we hugged. I love my mom more than life itself, it's going to be so weird being a mom myself. That thought scared me more than anything. We both headed back inside and joined the others.
"Weird how we're both pregnant." Kelsey muttered, with a fake laugh.
"Yeah." I shrugged, drinking some juice.
"I'm five months along though, you're only how far?" She questioned.
"Three months." I answered, and she smiled.
"Awe!" She squealed, clapping her hands together.
"Has the reality not hit you yet?" I snarled.
"Excuse me?" She spat back, immediately getting on defense. "I am very happy."
"Sorry." I got up and walked off. All the guys were talking in a room, while the girls were in the dining room still.
"What's wrong?" Jase questioned, coming over after seeing me stand in the middle of the hall way.
"I don't know where to go." I choked out, tears pricking my eyes.
"Come with me." He lead me upstairs to his room, and shut the door. "Are you okay?"
"I'm scared, Jase. This doesn't seem like reality to me." I confessed, running my hands through my hair.
"Well it is, Kailey. We can do it." He cooed.
"I know, I'm glad you're there for me." I weakly smiled, and stared towards the window.
"I'm going to join the others, come down when you're ready, okay?" He suggested, kissing my forehead before walking out. I took a long look around the room and let out a deep sigh. I envisioned the crib with a flinch.
"No." I whispered, and sat down on the bed. This wasn't right, to feel this way. I touched my stomach and started crying. You shouldn't regret something that hasn't even come. You shouldn't feel this way about your own child. I ridiculed my emotions then stood up and sniffed in. I'm good now.
"Welcome back." My mom weakly smiled, wrapping an arm around me. "We're heading out."
"Let me tell Jase bye." I whispered and she looked at me confused.
"He said you wanted to stay the night here." She replied, her brows furrowing.
"Really?" I cleared my throat then weakly smiled. "Give me a minute."
"Okay." She nodded. I went over to Jase and lead him to the family room, where no one was at.
"I'm heading out." I told him, kissing his cheek.
"Kailey." He sighed. "Please stay the night."
"I don't want too." I whispered, I couldn't even look him in the eyes.
"Yes, you do." He corrected, and grabbed my hand, pulling me to him. "Yes, you do."
"Fine." I gave in, not wanting to argue over something so stupid. I ripped my hand from his and walked over to my mom. "See you tomorrow."
"What happened?" She furrowed her brows, and I shook my head.
"Don't worry." I weakly smiled, kissing her cheek and gave her a hug. "I love you."
"I love you too, sweetie." She whispered, then walked off. I hugged everyone bye, and watched in the door way as they got in their car. Jase came behind me, waved and then shut the door. I was shocked that he just did that, I didn't even get to wave. I rolled my eyes and started for the kitchen.
"The cook is cleaning up, just go to bed." Jase demanded, and sat down on the couch. My head snapped so quickly in his direction, as he sat there on his laptop with a pen and paper. I stared at him with disdain before going up to his room.
.
That night, Jase finally came into bed. I peeked an eye open and glanced at the alarm clock, it's three in the morning.
"Are you still awake?" Jase questioned, and I sighed.
"Yes." I mumbled, then he grabbed me and cuddled.
"Why?" He whispered, snuggling his cheek into my arm.
"You woke me." I lied, when really it's because I cant sleep. I cant dream about this life. I didn't want to be a mom yet, I wanted to enjoy my life. Things are happening so quickly.
"Awe, I'm sorry." He apologized, then kissed me and soon he drifted to sleep. I stared at the ceiling, with my hand on my stomach and sighed. I wonder if I'm having a boy or a girl. A small smile crept on my face...
"Are you happy?" She asked, shifting her eyes to mine.
"Yeah." I nodded, then stared at the floor.
"I just want you to be happy." She frowned, taking a hit of her cig.
"I am." I assured, taking a gulp.
"You don't have to move in with him, you know." She whispered.
"I know." I replied, and she let out a deep breath.
"You don't think he did this on purpose do you?" She assumed, part of me was angered but a part of me had wondered the same thing.
"I don't think he did." I nervously laughed. "He's just as scared as I am."
"That's normal." My mom assured, then put her cigarette out. "I love you."
"I love you too, mommy." I replied, then we hugged. I love my mom more than life itself, it's going to be so weird being a mom myself. That thought scared me more than anything. We both headed back inside and joined the others.
"Weird how we're both pregnant." Kelsey muttered, with a fake laugh.
"Yeah." I shrugged, drinking some juice.
"I'm five months along though, you're only how far?" She questioned.
"Three months." I answered, and she smiled.
"Awe!" She squealed, clapping her hands together.
"Has the reality not hit you yet?" I snarled.
"Excuse me?" She spat back, immediately getting on defense. "I am very happy."
"Sorry." I got up and walked off. All the guys were talking in a room, while the girls were in the dining room still.
"What's wrong?" Jase questioned, coming over after seeing me stand in the middle of the hall way.
"I don't know where to go." I choked out, tears pricking my eyes.
"Come with me." He lead me upstairs to his room, and shut the door. "Are you okay?"
"I'm scared, Jase. This doesn't seem like reality to me." I confessed, running my hands through my hair.
"Well it is, Kailey. We can do it." He cooed.
"I know, I'm glad you're there for me." I weakly smiled, and stared towards the window.
"I'm going to join the others, come down when you're ready, okay?" He suggested, kissing my forehead before walking out. I took a long look around the room and let out a deep sigh. I envisioned the crib with a flinch.
"No." I whispered, and sat down on the bed. This wasn't right, to feel this way. I touched my stomach and started crying. You shouldn't regret something that hasn't even come. You shouldn't feel this way about your own child. I ridiculed my emotions then stood up and sniffed in. I'm good now.
"Welcome back." My mom weakly smiled, wrapping an arm around me. "We're heading out."
"Let me tell Jase bye." I whispered and she looked at me confused.
"He said you wanted to stay the night here." She replied, her brows furrowing.
"Really?" I cleared my throat then weakly smiled. "Give me a minute."
"Okay." She nodded. I went over to Jase and lead him to the family room, where no one was at.
"I'm heading out." I told him, kissing his cheek.
"Kailey." He sighed. "Please stay the night."
"I don't want too." I whispered, I couldn't even look him in the eyes.
"Yes, you do." He corrected, and grabbed my hand, pulling me to him. "Yes, you do."
"Fine." I gave in, not wanting to argue over something so stupid. I ripped my hand from his and walked over to my mom. "See you tomorrow."
"What happened?" She furrowed her brows, and I shook my head.
"Don't worry." I weakly smiled, kissing her cheek and gave her a hug. "I love you."
"I love you too, sweetie." She whispered, then walked off. I hugged everyone bye, and watched in the door way as they got in their car. Jase came behind me, waved and then shut the door. I was shocked that he just did that, I didn't even get to wave. I rolled my eyes and started for the kitchen.
"The cook is cleaning up, just go to bed." Jase demanded, and sat down on the couch. My head snapped so quickly in his direction, as he sat there on his laptop with a pen and paper. I stared at him with disdain before going up to his room.
.
That night, Jase finally came into bed. I peeked an eye open and glanced at the alarm clock, it's three in the morning.
"Are you still awake?" Jase questioned, and I sighed.
"Yes." I mumbled, then he grabbed me and cuddled.
"Why?" He whispered, snuggling his cheek into my arm.
"You woke me." I lied, when really it's because I cant sleep. I cant dream about this life. I didn't want to be a mom yet, I wanted to enjoy my life. Things are happening so quickly.
"Awe, I'm sorry." He apologized, then kissed me and soon he drifted to sleep. I stared at the ceiling, with my hand on my stomach and sighed. I wonder if I'm having a boy or a girl. A small smile crept on my face...