Give It to Me.

I stared at my wedding dress hanging in Kennedy and I's closet. I would be happily wearing it in exactly one month, fingers crossed. I stared at Kennedy who was struggling to grab his toothbrush out of the holder. I frowned and climbed off our bed, pulling out his toothbrush and handing it to him.

"Thanks," He said quietly.

The distance that had grown between him and I since he had come home from the hospital was painful but the last thing I wanted to do was push him to feel a certain way he obviously wasn't ready to feel. I turned the shower on, letting steam fill the bathroom before I climbed in and took a quick shower. I walked into the bedroom locking the door leading into the living room.

Kennedy had resumed his position on our bed, remote control in hand, a dark blank stare in his eyes. I air dried before I pulled on my clothing and began brushing my hair. I had two days left until I was due back at work, two days which I hoped would be good days for Kennedy & I. I stared at Kennedy, his hair greasy and his pajamas the same he had been living in for the passed 4 days.

"Want to shower?" I questioned.
"No," He said softly.
"How about we go get Panera?" I questioned again.

He looked at me, silently asking me to leave him the fuck alone.

"Ken," I sounded desperate.
"Hm?" He grunted.
"I have two days left before I have to go back to work, can we spend them together?" I questioned.

I could see the passionate twinkle ever so slightly in his eyes, that twinkle was the only thing that kept me sane lately. That twinkle guaranteed me that this was just a really dark storm that over time would indeed pass.

I hushed myself internally and externally and pressed my lips against his forehead softly before returning to our bathroom vanity, applying a little make-up on my exhausted face. Truth be told the week since he'd been home had been hard, but nowhere near how hard it was being stuck in Missouri not knowing whether he'd pull through or not. That was another comforting feeling.

"Want me to bring you lunch babe?" I said softly, I need my patience to come back.

He shrugged and returned his gaze to the TV. I could feel my eyes getting watery, against my will. I took a deep breath.

"I love you Kennedy, please just let me help you through this shit," I was begging.

It seemed like every morning consisted of this exact same conversation, except every morning I was a tad bit more desperate for the normalcy of our past.

"Not again," He groaned.
"I feel like I'm failing Kennedy, as your hopefully wife-to-be I'm not doing what I'm supposed to. I know it feels like your world is falling apart but I'm here trying to show you I'll do whatever I have to to piece it back together. I don't want this to stop us from getting married," I was nearly sobbing.

He was silent, but he struggled to sit up higher.

"Please for once fucking say something to me. Lie to me, something!" I was getting angry.
"What the fuck do you want me to say?! I'm not fucking good enough for you!" His voice boomed against our bedroom walls.

My chest was tight and I froze feeling the life drain from my face as Kennedy stared at me. We were both broken, we both needed to be fixed.

"Just because you can't walk right now Kennedy? Are you serious? When did you get this way? When the fuck did you start letting temporary shit change everything?" My voice cracked.
"The fucking day my fiancee had to shower me, and change my clothes, and do everything for me," He was now on the verge of tears.
"THAT'S MY JOB," I was getting more angry by the second.
"I'm supposed to take care of you," He let the tears begin to trickle down his face.

Kennedy had cried more in the last week than I had ever seen him in our entire lives. I felt remorseful for forcing him to have a conversation he clearly wasn't ready to have. I wiped my face, letting a sob escape from deep down in my chest.

"I love you for better or for worse, in sickness and in health Kenny," I said quietly.
"I know you do," He admitted.
"Then what are you so afraid of?"
"You leaving me because I can't do what a husband should," He said almost inaudibly.

I could feel the tightness in my chest returning, and I could hear Jared in the living room. I climbed into our bed, forcing Kennedy to hold me. I hugged him so tightly I swear neither one of us could breathe. He sobbed loudly against my body.

"I love you, nothing will change that," I tried to soothe him.
"But you can't go AWOL on me," I whispered.

I dusted kisses all over the side of his neck and face. It felt so relieving to receive some affection from him, feeling his nails dig into my back. I let my hand run down the side of his face softly, feeling the wetness of his tears made it all hit harder. He was struggling in his body, he was struggling mentally. I needed to be encouraging not pushy and needy.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, "I just miss you."
"I'm sorry I can't shake this," He sniffled.
"You're everything I want in this life and forever, you're everything to me. So don't you dare for a second think that anyone can even compete with you."

I felt him relax against my body, a small smile even dancing against his lips. I heard a small knock at the door, knowing it was Jared checking on us. I opened the door and there stood my red-headed big brother staring at me was worried eyes.

"M&M?" He said softly.
"We're okay," I nodded gently.
"Why don't you guys come out for breakfast with the rest of us?" Jared encouraged.

I looked at Kennedy whose eyes were big but he shook his head in agreement and I nearly had an anxiety attack. I was so happy he agreed to leave the house.

"We're leaving in about a half hour, you guys gonna be ready by then?"
"Yes," I said happily shutting the door as Jared walked away.
"Help me shower?" Kenny asked almost bashfully.
"My pleasure," I helped him into his wheelchair before covering his casts and helping him sit on the shower chair.

Showering Kennedy was truly one of the most beautiful experiences. Nothing could compare to helping the one you love.