Give It to Me.

I stared across the green backyard, grass in Arizona was most definitely a luxury. My mom was pulling weeds, a large sunhat adorning her head. I sipped on a glass of her home made pomegranate iced tea and ran my feet across the grass, feeling the blades in between my toes.

I was missing him more than I wanted to admit. I didn't want to miss him as much as I did, because that would mean I was on my way to forgiving and forgetting the situation. My heart was pained thinking about the small child, I'm sure he had dark hair and Kenny's hypnotizing eyes.

I was curious. Another feeling I hated. I didn't want to ever see this child, I didn't want to know that he had taken everything away from Kennedy and I. The entire excitement and special feelings new parents get would never be shared between Kenny and I.

"Mace?" I heard a raspy voice question.

I looked up to face John. I felt kind of taken aback, it had been months since we had had a sincerely personal conversation. I attributed the awkwardness of our friendship to the fact that we intimately dated for quite a decent chunk of time. Of course he tried so hard to not make it awkward that made it traumatizingly even worse.

"Hey John," I spoke softly as he sat across the table from me, the umbrella's shade covering his body also.
"I wanted to talk to you about what's going on," He rubbed behind his neck softly.
"What about it?"

What could he possibly have to tell me about it? How did even John, the most distant of the bunch know more about my life than I did?

"Kennedy sent me over, he wanted me to tell you he misses and loves you. He also wanted me to ask you a question I'm extremely afraid of asking."
"What?"
"He wants you to meet his son Dakoda, Macy," John practically whispered.

I felt relieved, John wasn't here to deliver more bad news or inform me of some other unknown aspects of the situation. I felt the sadness and anger rise in my throat, replacing the relief rather quickly.

"Where is he?"
"He's been staying at Gabby's," John said softly.

I felt my blood boil thinking of the fact that Kennedy would even have the nerve to stay at Gabby's. I shut my eyes tightly, I know I should let go of the feelings that make me so angry at Kennedy and his son. But my heart was aching, I had just gotten him back and after all of the bullshit I just wanted us to start our life together. Now I had to share him with a child and his mother, like it or not.

"I want to talk to him first," I said quietly.
"I'll set it up," John looked at me with caring eyes.
"What?"
"I know this is tearing you apart, Mace, but everyone makes mistakes and even though this one's a pretty big one he needs you. He doesn't have anyone to lean on right now, he needs his wife to cheer him on."
"What about me? What about our life? What about my feelings?"
"There will be a time for all those feelings and for you guys to start your life, but for now there's another life that's being positively affected. Dakoda is a sweet kid, he deserves his dad," John was right.

I watched him walk away, his head down and hands in his pockets. This didn't mean we were right where we left off. This meant I would start picking up the shards of what our life used to be and see if they fit together still.

I met my mom's gaze across the yard. She was wondering what John had to say, that was clear. I didn't want her to know, she had been rooting for Kennedy since she found out why we were having problems. She wanted me to be stronger and deal with the fact that he had this secret child.

My mother was just the type of woman who stuck by her man's side indefinitely, through any scenario. She was loyal, caring, kind, and trustworthy. I admired her strength and her ability to see passed situations that could cause conflict.

"What was that all about?"
"Kenny's messenger," I bit my lip.
"What were the messages?"
"He misses and loves me, and he wants me to meet his son, Dakoda."
"What was your answer, dear?"
"I wanted to meet with Kennedy first, before I even consider doing that," I rubbed my sore eyes.
"Maybe putting a name and face to this mystery kid will make you feel less angry, Macy. You can't blame this kid for your pain, you can blame Kennedy and Gabby, but you guys weren't together. You were dating someone else too, so you can't hold this against him forever. That boy loves you so desperately he's willing to do anything to keep you in his life, remember that."

My mom was right. Maybe I did need to see this little boy to rid myself of this anger I was holding onto so tightly.