Shine On

Harper stared at Rupert who was fast asleep on the unoccupied bed on the other side of her dorm room. He slept peacefully, smiling every once in a while. Harper couldn’t help but smile as well whenever she saw his smile. A sudden loud beep from her computer caused her jump. She quickly turned the volume down silently praying that the sound didn’t wake up the adorable sleeping man on the other side of the room, luckily it didn’t phase him. She turned her attention to her computer screen, there was a message that had popped up telling her that her credit card had been approved and her flight would be leaving later that afternoon. She sighed and printed out her plane tickets.

While laying awake for many hours when morning came, Harper made the decision to go back home. No matter what happened last night, the feelings of insecurity, vulnerability, and loneliness scared her. She was never one to have to depend on someone and here, that’s all she was doing. What if Rupert was interested in another girl? What if he did cheat on her last night? What was she to do? He was, in fact, half the reason she was in London. She didn’t like that anymore. She didn’t like loving someone. She didn’t like being out in the opened. She missed the security of being her own person and building up walls around herself so no one could hurt her. She needed that again and the only place she could have that was at in New York, even though whenever she thought of the word ‘home’, Rupert came to mind. But she couldn’t depend on anyone anymore. Love simply wasn’t worth the risk.

“What are you doing?” Harper jumped at the sound of Rupert’s voice, even though it was close to a whisper. She stopped folding her last few shirts and placed them in her suitcase before turning around to face him. Her heart dropped into her stomach at the sight of him, she loved the way he looked when he was tired. He was still laying in bed, resting his head on the palm of his hand.

She breathed in deeply and looked down. She couldn’t look at him knowing what news she was about to break to him. “I’m leaving, Rupe.” Her voice too was almost a whisper. She continued to stare at her feet.

He got up from the bed and walked over to Harper. He placed a finger under her chin and lifted her face so she was looking at him. He looked so sad, all she wanted to do was pull him into a hug and hold him forever. But she knew that would only make her want to stay. “Just like you left last night?” He replied.

Harper spun around and continued to put her clothes into her suitcase. She could feel Rupert’s steady breath on her neck. “It didn’t look like you wanted anymore company.”

He brushed the side of he arm with his pointer finger. His touched burned her arm. ““I always want your company. That girl...we’re just mates. Nothing more.”

Harper continued to hastily throw her things into her suitcase, trying not to yell or even worse, cry. “It certainly didn’t look like that to me, Rupert.” She said sternly.

“Do you really think I would cheat on you?” His voice was well above a whisper now. He grabbed her hand and pulled on it gently. “Can you stop packing for a moment?”

Harper turned around, but kept her eyes on anything but him. She tried to pull her hand away from his, but it only made him intertwine his fingers with his and hold on tightly. “No, I don’t believe that you would cheat on me. But I do think that you would find an interest in someone else.”

He raised his eyebrows. “But I wouldn’t. I really haven’t at all.”

“You guys didn’t look like ‘just friends’ to me, so before something horrible happens, let’s just end this now.” She replied grimily. She could feel herself start to choke up at the thought of breaking up with him, but she had to do it. Cutting ties now before things got messy sounded far better than getting hurt later on. She yanked her hand out of Rupert’s grasp and turned back around to zip up her suitcase. She rushed around her room checking to see if she packed everything she needed. Rupert stood in the middle of the room looking like a lost puppy, but Harper tried her best to ignore him. She brushed past him to grab her suitcase and headed for the doorway. She halted remembering that she at least owed him some sort of goodbye. She dropped her things near the doorway and took a deep breath before turning to face him.

“Please don’t leave, Harp. Please.” He choked before Harper could say a word. He looked so sad. “I promise we’re just mates. Can’t we just talk for a bit?” There was an eagerness to his voice. He move forward and lightly rubbed his thumb against her cheek. Harper quickly turned away.

Why didn’t he get it? Why was he making this so hard? Frustration built up inside of her. A tear rolled down her cheek, she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She heard the girl’s laughter ringing inside of her ears. The way she looked at her played like a movie inside of her head. She couldn’t forget it. “Didn’t you see the way she looked at you?!” Harper yelled.

“What does that have to do with us?” Rupert remained calm and melancholy. His beautiful eyes remained on her, as if he was searching for what she was feeling, it only made her feel worse.

“Because it’s obvious the girl likes you! She was all over you and you never even pushed her away!”

“I didn’t notice! I swear!” His voice was starting to rise along with Harper’s. “She might still fancy me, because we were together for a little bit. But that doesn’t matter, because I’m with you, I adore you. I thought you knew that.”

“She used to be you’re girlfriend!? So you lied to me!” Harper hurried to the door in a huff. She went to grab her coat, but it wasn’t in the closet wear she normally put it. “Dammit, where the hell is my coat?”

“I didn’t lie!” Rupert protested. “We are mates! Our relationship ended long before I met you!”

Harper searched around her room for her coat, practically ignoring the fact that Rupert was still standing in the middle of the room, knocking into him every once in a while. “Don’t you think that the fact that she’s your ex-girlfriend would have been something important to let me in on?!” She replied drastically as she climbed under her bed.

“Not really. I doesn’t matter, I’m with you, or so I thought.”

“It does matter when she’s at your house giggling over every word you say and practically hanging off of you! It matters a whole lot, Rupert!” She hastily moved out from under the bed hitting her head in the edge of the bed frame. “Ow! Fuck!” The pain in her head and her frustration made her eyes fill up with tears. She bit her lip in hopes it would keep her from sobbing.

“Come here.” Rupert whispered pulling her into him. She didn’t want to go towards him. She was still mad at him. But a small part of her still yearned for his strong arms to be wrapped around her. She was too upset to fight him off, so she let that small part of her take over. She nuzzled into his chest, letting her tears fall. His arms enveloped around her and he kissed the top of her head. She could feel his thumb trace tiny circles on her back. The frustration and loneliness was flowing out her with each circle he drew.

“I’m still mad at you.” She said into his chest.

“I know.” He whispered back.

She felt her heartbeat begin to quicken at the sound of his rapidly thumping against her ear. She pulled away fast before she felt anything more. Rupert took a deep breath and pierced his lips together. Trying to ignore his facial expression, she glanced at the time on her phone. “I have to go.” She croaked, keeping her eyes on her phone.

“No, you don’t.” He murmured back.

She saw him reach for her from the corner of her eyes, but she quickly moved towards the door. “Yes I do or I’ll miss my flight.” She picked up her suitcase before opening the door. They stood in awkward silence, neither of them knowing what to say to the other. A tiny piece of her was hoping he would beg her to stay again and tell her he couldn’t live without her. But he said nothing. Of course. How could she think such silly things? She needed to leave before her thoughts took over the reality. Harper suddenly blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “I’ll see you around, Rupe. Take care.” Before he could reply, she whipped out the door and down the hallway as fast as she could.

+++

“So tell me again why you’re here?” Melody asked for about the tenth time since Harper arrived back to their apartment. Harper hadn’t moved from the couch since she got back the day before. She even slept on the couch; the last time she was in her bed, Rupert was curled up next to her. As much as felt she did the right thing she still missed him. He was the only person who knew how to make her smile instantly and now she didn’t have that.

“Mel! I told you a billion times!” She complained.

Melody plopped down next to her on the couch. “I know, but I just don’t understand, Harpie. You left London, of all places for fucks sake, because you were scared of getting hurt even though it didn’t even happen?”

“Sure.” Harper replied sarcastically. She didn’t feel like explaining her feelings again. She knew Melody would never understand her insecurities or her reasonings. Talking about it only made her feel worse.

“I’m a full believer that men are dicks,” Melody protested, her hands flying in all sorts of directions as if it would prove her point more. “but I honestly think that Rupert’s an exception. I mean, you could see how much he cared about you just the way he looked at you.” She put her hand to her chest. “I could never get over that look he gave you.”

Rupert’s face flashed in Harper’s mind. Every time she thought about his smile or the way he made me feel better, her heart ached. “Melody!” Harper yelled in frustration. “Can we please stopped talking about this?”

“No, we can’t. Because you need to realize what a stupid mistake you made.” She said as-a-matter-of-fact-ly.

“Harper slammed her fist on the couch. “I didn’t want to get hurt! Why can’t you get that?”

Melody slammed her fist on the couch as well. “Because that’s not why you left. You pushed him away because you’re scared. That’s what you do, Harp. You push people away because you want to be the one to leave before someone leaves you, just like you father did. Not everyone is your dad, Harper! Some people actually care about you so much, they would never want to leave you. So fucking quit running away from everything!” Melody stomped into her bedroom and slammed the door, leaving Harper on the couch alone.

She could feel a lump growing in her throat. She looked around the room, it was empty. She was alone and for the first time she felt alone. She felt like she had no one and she knew it was her own fault. More than anything, she wanted to curl up into Rupert’s chest and have him hold her. She didn’t have that anymore. because she ruined it. She wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to be with her or even see her again. She laid her head on the arm of the couch and curled up into a ball. She couldn’t hold it in anymore, she started to cry, not caring that tears were making the couch wet. She didn’t know what else to do other than cry.