Sweet Surrender

The walk back to the house was uneventful as Varian lead Cana by the reigns of his bridle, Nathan following silently.

Once they reached the house, Varian paused and turned to Nathan. "I'm going to put Cana back in his stall, you can come or wait, your choice."

"I'll wait." Nathan mumbled in response.

"I'll be right back." Varian said walking Cana in the barn and putting him in his stall, rubbing him down with a towel and giving him luke warm water to drink. Once Cana was finished drinking, Varian fed him and put his blanket on him for the night.

"See you tomorrow boy, sleep well." he said, leaning his cheek against Cana's and stroking his velvety snout. Pulling away Varian quickly left the barn, closing it up, and turning to face Nathan. Varian frowned.

"I don't think your mother would appreciate you coming home like that."

Nathan glanced down at himself shaking his head.  "No, probably not... Shit..."

"Come on, you can get cleaned up inside, I'm sure I have some clothes some where that you can borrow."

Nathan nodded slightly, pressing his arms to his sides, cold. "Thanks. A lot."

"No problem." Varian said ushering Nathan inside the house.

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He was cold.

Even standing inside the bathroom with his shirt and jeans off, he was still freezing. Water was officially the worst element ever. Period.

Though it did let him see Varian practically soaked...

Nathan didn't have a gender preference- he was openly bisexual. He just hadn't had a boyfriend or girlfriend since eighth grade. 

He was trying to get as much mud off his skin as possible, even rubbing a few areas on his arms raw. No doubt it would be a while before they went from a dark pink to his normal skin tone again. He just hoped Varian had given him something with long sleeves...

Once Nathan was sure he was clean, even going back through his hair to make sure he hadn't missed anything, he grabbed the clothes, pulling them on slowly. The jeans were a bit big, riding lower on his hips than he would have preferred, and the shirt had short sleeves. He just hoped Varian didn't say anything about his arms.

He stepped out of the bathroom, messing with the top of the jeans in an attempt to keep them up. It obviously wasn't working, so he glared down at the article of clothing.

Varian looked him over quickly. "Need a belt?"

Nathan glanced up, snorting before nodding in response. "That would be... Very helpful at the moment." he mumbled. He knew he was smaller than Varian, but... Damn.

"Follow me." Varian said. He led Nathan down the hall and into his bedroom. Nathan stayed by the door as Varian went into his closet for a minute, coming back with a gold belt and handing it over.

Struggling to put the belt on and keep the pants up at the same time, Nathan rolled his eyes. "You know... I know you're more... Filled out than I am, but this... This is sort of like a slap in the face." he commented.

"... I wouldn't purposely try to embarrass you. Ever." Varian said after looking Nathan over, his expression obviously hurt, "I can look for something else if you'd like."

Nathan mentally punched himself, closing his eyes briefly before re-opening them and continuing the struggle that was The Belt versus The Jeans. "I'm not embarrassed... Well, sort of, but not because of you. More embarrassed of my... Genes, I guess. Bone structure." he finished with the belt, waiting a minute before smiling as the jeans didn't move lower.

Belt: 1, Jeans: 0

The comment must've made Varian feel better as he chuckled before responding. "Did you eat anything before you came to work?"

Nathan thought it over for a minute before shaking his head. "Nope. Didn't eat breakfast either, now that I think about it."

"Well you can't go without eating and use that much power, so what would you like to eat?" Varian asked, leading Nathan into the kitchen and opening up a few cabinets.

Nathan paused, frowning slightly. "Oh... Well, it's fine, I don't want to be too much trouble. I can always eat at home." he responded. He was already wearing clothes that didn't belong to him; he felt uncomfortable accepting any other offers. That, and Nathan didn't like eating in front of others. For some reason it was only in public that his food decided to be an ass and fuck around with him, so he had decided a while ago that eating in front of people was a major no-no.

Varian had a crooked smile, his eyes glinting as he walked over and put his hands on Nathan's shoulders, steering him to an empty chair. "Sit. The only people that have been in this house these last twelve years has been my sister and I. So I'd love to have you stay."

Rolling his shoulders from where Varian had touched him, Nathan mumbled an "okay", sitting as still as possible. He just couldn't get comfortable in this house...

He watched Varian walk to the other side of the table and sit down as well, resting his chin in one hand and putting the other on the edge of the table. "So... You didn't tell me what you liked to eat."

Nathan straightened slightly, shrugging and tapping his fingers together. "I'm not picky. But I can't eat meat." he responded. He was a vegetarian.

Varian nodded. "Alright. How long are you willing to wait?"

"I don't mind waiting. In all honesty, the longer it takes to get home, the better." He never did call his mom back, he realized. Shit.

Varian raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment on it. "Pizza takes a while." he offered. Nathan wasn't particularly fond of pizza, but he had said he wasn't picky...

"That's fine." he responded with a nod before glancing around. He figured that Varian wouldn't really have anything to say after that- plus he had sort of skimmed over the kitchen in his earlier adventure through the house.

Varian smiled though, continuing. "Alright, veggie pizza it is. But don't think you're going to let me do all the work- I'm not the little red hen."

Nathan frowned slightly. "I never did like that story." he said. Varian turned to him with a curious expression.

"Why not?"

"I don't know," Nathan answered honestly, "Just didn't sit well with me when I was younger... Moving on though, back to the pizza."

Varian stood up, going over to the counter that was closest to the laundry room door, which had canisters lined across it, holding various required cooking items. Nathan watched intently- he'd never actually seen someone make a pizza. Whenever he had it at home, it was just ordered. He waited in his chair, waiting for when he would be needed for something.

Varian reached into the cabinet above the counter, grabbing two white mixing bowls before turning back to Nathan. "Do you want to make the dough, or the sauce?" he asked.

Nathan thought it over for a second, deciding to go with the sauce. He wasn't good with anything dough-related. "Um... Sauce." he mumbled, standing from his seat and stepping closer. Varian smiled, placing both bowls on the table. 

Gesturing toward the smaller one, he said it was for sauce, while the larger one was for the dough. He turned to meet Nathan's gaze, still smiling warmly. "You don't have to be nervous. I'm not going to do anything besides feed you."

Nathan was silent for a minute. "I trust you. And I'm not nervous." he replied with a glare... Alright, it was a lie, he was nervous, but that wasn't the point, he thought, looking at the bowl he'd be using. 

Varian smiled back, walking over. "You're either glaring, smirking, or swearing, and I'm lucky if you smile even a little. Why don't we try a new expression, hm?" he asked, pushing some of Nathan's hair back before pulling the corner's of his mouth into a soft, almost non-existent smile. He stepped back, putting his fingers on his lips and getting a good look. "Better."

Nathan tensed slightly; he wasn't used to someone touching him so much. It felt weird. Not completely unwelcome though.

Glaring, he moved his hands to cover his mouth. "There's nothing wrong with my expressions." he said, slightly muffled through his fingers.

"If there's nothing wrong with your expressions, then mine must be awful." Varian teased, going back to the cabinet to retrieve spices, tomato sauce, and a can opener. 

"Yes, they are. Way too much smiling."

Varian returned to the table, putting down the items he had gotten on it. "If it weren't for Venerra, I wouldn't smile at all. She's all I have besides the horses and Cana. I don't know what I'd be doing if my parents hadn't left her." he said softly. Nathan remained silent, glancing down at the bowls and bringing his fingers to his mouth to bite his nails.

"What's wrong, Nathan?" Varian asked. Apparently biting your nails meant something. Nathan shook his head, slowly putting his hands behind his back.

"Nothing. Um, I'm not sure how to make the sauce..."

Varian chuckled. "Well, why don't you start off by opening the can of tomato sauce and pouring it into the bowl. I'll give you more directions after that." he said, opening a drawer and pulling out a variety of measuring cups. Nathan nodded, slowly opening the can before pouring it into the bowl, watching it with interest.

... He was more tired than he thought.

Varian handed the tablespoon measure to Nathan. "Two tablespoons of oregano."

Nathan poured the spice into the measure, accidentally pouring a bit more than needed the second time, and hoping Varian didn't notice as he ignored it himself. "Um... N-next..."

Varian noticed it though, smiling to himself. "Every measurement is a little less, so extra is fine. You'll need a teaspoon of garlic powder, and onion powder." he said, handing the teaspoon measure over.

"Oh... Okay." Nathan mumbled, rubbing his eyes before pouring the two in the bowl. "Next."

"All that's left is half a teaspoon of salt." Varian replied, handing it to him. 

"Ew... Salt." Nathan mumbled to himself, adding it to the mix. He didn't like salt. Varian handed him a wooden spoon next. "Now all you have to do is stir it together, and hand me the bowl to put in the fridge. Then I'll get started on the dough."

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For some reason, Varian couldn't shake the feeling that Nathan wasn't telling him things as he put the sauce in the fridge. Not something, no. Some things.

Getting some warm water from the faucet he poured it into the dough bowl and peeked in the fridge for two packets of yeast.

Walking back to the table, Varian noticed Nathan sitting back in his seat, biting his nails. A habit then.

Ripping open the packets of yeast, Varian poured them in and stirred it around a little bit, watching the water turn a sunflower seed color and get all cloudy.

Satisfied he went over to the timer and set it for five minutes. Then he went over to the cup cupboard and withdrew a cup, set it on the counter and went in the fridge, removing the carton of orange juice. Pouring some into the cup, he brought it over to the table and set it down in front of Nathan.

"It'll keep your sugar levels more even until you eat, and keep your from getting too tired. You should feel better soon, so drink it."

Without waiting for Nathan's response, Varian walked into the hall and grabbed a jacket, giving it to Nathan and saying: "This will help too."

Nathan took small sips of the orange juice and slid the jacket on, sighing. "Will I always be this tired afterward?" he asked, his words slightly slurred.

"For a while, your body has to get used to it. You did a lot today, more than I was able to do on my first try. I pushed you a little too far though, so I'm sorry."

Nathan shook his head, resting it on the table. "Don't be. It's fine..." he trailed off with a yawn.

Varian paused, hesitating asking his next question. "If you called your mom, would she care if you spent the night? I don't like the idea of you driving this tired."

Nathan shrugged slightly. "Doubt it. Might be a little pissed that I hung up earlier. Though technically, I'm of legal age to sleep wherever without needing her approval."

"You're eighteen?" Varian asked, feeling better that Nathan hadn't looked at him like he was some kind of sexual predator.

"Nineteen. Failed sixth grade." Nathan sighed, sitting back up and staring at the table.

Varian smiled, walking around the table to sit across from Nathan again. “You're older than me then. In a way, it doesn't surprise me.” he said with a chuckle.

"Yep. Oh, I feel so old... And tired... Old and tired... This must be how Millie feels..."

Varian smirked at that, not wanting to embellish it with a smile. Sometimes Nathan really amused him with the things he said.

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Dinner actually hadn't been that bad. Nathan thought the sauce was slightly bland, but all in all it was pretty good.

Varian, after requesting him to stay the night, had directed him to the guest room upstairs. Nathan had briefly thought of arguing and saying he was fine to drive, but... Honestly, he wouldn't mind a night away from home.

The guest room didn't particularly sit well with him, but he supposed it could be worse. And he did think the bad was sort of comfortable.

He managed to stay awake for a few minutes when he was settled into the room, but it wasn't for very long. Before he knew it, his eyelids were dropping and he was out.

***********************************************************************************************

With Nathan settled, Varian quickly but quietly descended the stairs and stopped at the bottom, pressing his hand to his forehead. The headache that had started earlier was back and two times worse.

Walking into the kitchen, Varian grabbed a bottle of Tylenol, and took two. He'd never had to take medication before for a headache, his body always healed it right away. Sighing he put it back and gingerly closed the cupboard, padding softly to his room.

Pausing in front of Venerra's room he could barely hear her sleeping soundly.

Walking into his own room, he shut the door, blocking off as much light as he could and leaned against his door, the headache pulsing in his sinuses and behind his eyes.

Groaning, he gently rubbed at his temples, hoping it'd go away. It eased, but didn't dissipate.

Climbing into bed, he set his alarm and pulled the covers up, closing his eyes and trying to sleep. As soon as he began to drift, the headache grew worse, throbbing. Growling, Varian sat up and rubbed small circles at his temples again.

Once again the pain eased, but not as much as before.

Then the scent of blood filled Varian's nostrils and his stomach immediately clenched. Throwing his covers off, Varian swung his legs over the side of his bed and continued to rub his temples. The scent of blood became overwhelming, and Varian doubled over, clutching at his stomach. Then he felt something warm and wet drip onto his arm.

Looking down he saw dark droplets, and more and more splattered with the others. Reaching up Varian touched his nose, his fingers coming back covered with the dark liquid. Jumping up he fought off a dizzy spell and ran into his bathroom, flipping on the light and seeing tails of blood running from both nostrils.

Grabbing some toilet paper he quickly tilted his head back and pressed it to his nose, feeling and tasting the blood run down the back of his throat, at which his body instinctively swallowed, his stomach clenching further, causing him to groan in pain, his headache flaring up worse than ever.

Pressing his right index finger under his upper lip he waited for the blood flow to stop.

It was easily another half an hour until it eased, and another twenty minutes before it stopped. Sitting up carefully, he turned off the light of his bathroom and walked out of his room. There was no way he was going to sleep tonight. If his nose bleed wasn't from a vein too close to the surface, where had the blood come from? And why did he have it? And what about his nonstop headache?

"What's going on...?" he whispered to himself, hating how frightened and shaky his voice was.

***********************************************************************************************

Headache...

He had a headache.

Nathan kept his eyes closed even though there was no chance of him going back to sleep. He couldn't tell what time it was- there was no light outside, so it must've been pretty early.

He had slept relatively well for being in a strange place, thought he was curious as to what had woken him up. When he heard movement downstairs, he figured that must've been it.

Nathan pulled the covers off, swinging his legs over the side of the bed in order to stretch properly. The guest bed was apparently straighter than his own...

He stood up, wobbling slightly before shuffling down the stairs and into the living room. He could see Varian moving about and cleaning various things, making him move back slightly so he wasn't in the way. There were a few lights on, so he pulled his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open, checking the time. As well as several missed calls.

4:30 in the morning. Five missed calls from Elle, one from Millie, two from Justin. He was in some deep shit.

"... Holy shit..."

Varian paused in his cleaning, looking at Nathan and smiling apologetically. "Did I wake you?"

Nathan glanced between Varian and his phone before shutting the device, shoving it back into his pocket. "Fuck... My mom's going to kill me. Why did I stay over? Shit, I'm gonna be late... Fuck!" he said, glancing around briefly before heading for the wash room. He hoped one of them remembered to wash his clothes.

"You were exhausted from the training session, and were practically falling asleep on the table. I did ask you if it was alright and if your mother would mind."

"I was half asleep! Never listen to me when I'm half asleep! I say stupid shit!" Nathan yelled back, pulling Varian's shirt over his head and replacing it with his now-clean one before glaring down at the belt. "I didn't even tell my mom! She probably thinks I'm dead, or some other dramatic shit, and I got a ton of fucking missed calls... Shit!" the final curse was directed at the belt buckle, which had decided to not work with him. He supposed it was what he got for being in a rush.

Varian stopped what he was doing, responding in a calm voice with his arms crossed over his chest. "I'll remember that in case I ever need to again, and would you please stop yelling, you'll wake up Venerra."

Nathan paused in his attempt to get the damn belt undone, turning back to Varian. "Alright, I'm done. No more yelling. But... I am in really, really deep shit. I'll be lucky if I'm not grounded for the rest of my life."

Varian thought over his response. "Then tell her you were with me. Helping out on my farm. And if she asks why you didn't come home, tell her that you were too tired to drive and were worried about running off the road, so you asked if you could stay." he said quietly.

Frowning slightly, Nathan sighed. "That makes sense. It's too early for this shit..." he mumbled, going back to the belt and glaring slightly before he managed to get it off. He was slightly apprehensive about changing fully when Varian was in full view, but at the same time he didn't really care. The not-caring side won out as he hopped out of the pants, trying to pull his own up quickly before buttoning them and walking back out of the wash room. Varian was no longer in the room, so Nathan assumed he hadn't seen anything and had gone outside.

Good. That way he didn't have to worry about Varian seeing him half naked. Great way to start the day.

He went over to the bathroom, running a hand through his hair before checking for any dark circles or red lines in his eyes. After all, it probably wouldn't help if he went into school after being gone all night looking exhausted. That would just raise more questions.

Which he didn't need.

***********************************************************************************************

Pulling on his rubber work boots, Varian took up the wheel barrow full of dead branches and various other organic material, bringing it to the compost pile. Bracing himself, Varian felt a sharp twinge in his back as he tipped the wheel barrow to spill the organic contents onto the compost pile.

Gritting his teeth, Varian stood up straight and turned to wheel the wheel barrow back to the shed.

One chore done, next: Let out the horses and fill up their feed troughs.

On his way to the first barn, Varian sensed Nathan rather late, but waited for him to talk as he entered the barn, heading for the storage unit.

"Alright, what time do you usually make it to school?"

Grabbing the feed barrow, Varian started wheeling towards Cana's stall first. "It depends. I usually leave here around 7:15 to drop off Venerra and get to school as early as I can."

"Ah... Alright.... Do you need help with anything?"

Dumping a reasonable amount of feed into Cana's trough, Varian wheeled the barrow to the next stall and turned to Nathan grinning. "Have you ever worked on a farm before?"

Nathan paused for a minute before shaking his head. "No. Never."

Lowering the feed barrow, Varian went to the storage area of the barn and grabbed an extra feed cup. Walking back, he tossed it to Nathan. "Two scoops from that in every feed trough. At least now you won't be lying to your mother."

Nathan nodded and glanced around, getting to work with filling the feed troughs.

Varian put his own scoop back and let out each horse after they'd eaten enough.

By the time he finished, Nathan was waiting for him to give him further instruction. "What can I do next?"

Leading Nathan out of the barn, Varian headed for the pasture and let himself in, motioning for Nathan to follow. Varian knelt down, and pressing his hand into the dry grass, focusing on getting the grass to grow green and nutritious again. Nothing happened. Trying harder, Varian felt his headache flare up again and flinched, and finally pulled away defeated. "There's no nutrients left in the soil for me to fix the grass. The drought this summer has severely hurt the farms around here."

Nathan rubbed the back of his neck, eying Varian because of the flinch. "... Drought? Does that mean water might help..?"

"If you can gather the nutrients in the air, then yes, but your powers might not be that mature yet."

"Oh..." Nathan mumbled, "Well... How long until I can do that?"

"You might be able to now. Concentrate on finding the nutrients, they should appear as tiny flecks in your mind. Do you see them?"

"... Sort of, yeah."

"Reach out to them mentally, they should respond. Do you see them beginning to move?"

"A little."

"Now concentrate on making it rain, form the clouds like you did yesterday and gather the nutrients inside them. Then release them through the rain drops. Can you do that?"

Nathan winced slightly and closed his eyes for a second. "... No. I can't, sorry. And it's sort of giving me a headache."

Getting up, Varian hesitated. He had an idea, but wasn't sure how Nathan would react. Going out on a limb, he walked up to Nathan and gently laid a hand on his shoulder. "It's fine, don't push yourself. Even if you can make it rain without the nutrients I can tap into them from the earth and do it that way. How are you feeling? Is your headache gone?"

Nathan looked at Varian and frowned. "... Yeah... Actually it is..." Then his eyes widened. "You... It's because of you..." he gaped at Varian.

Varian jerked away from Nathan so fast his vision momentarily went black with bright spots. "No...no...." He backed up, tears welling in his eyes, until his back hit the shed/workshop. Sinking down, Varian pulled his knees to his chest, the tears freely spilling. "No..." he whispered.

Nathan watched, shaking his head slightly. "... What's going on? There's things you aren't telling me, I know it, and I want to know why." Nathan said, staying in place, watching Varian cry.

"No...I can't...I can't do this... Not again." Varian said softly, swallowing and wiping at his eyes.

Nathan's frown morphed into a glare and he sighed. "You know, not that I'm not sympathetic for whatever's going on in your head right now, but I'd really like to know what the fuck it is. Because you can't go from being helpful to in the fetal position within five fucking minutes without a damn good reason."

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you; if past experience is anything to go by."

"Well, no offense, but I think I've believed a lot of shit over the past 48 hours, I hardly think one more thing will kill me."

"Haven't you wondered why your headaches went away when I was near you? Why your moods flared out of control because of my presence? Has any of the things that have happened between us struck you as weird?"

Nathan stood silent for a minute. "Alright, fine, weird shit happens when I'm around you. What's that supposed to mean?"

"I was hoping when I touched you that your headache would stay. You can't imagine how badly I wanted it to stay." Varian said, crossing his legs and hanging his head. "And when you told me it went away, I remembered. I remembered the old stories my parents used to tell me. The impossible ones. The ones where it was supposed to sound good, but never be real. Because I don't want to go through it again. I don't want to lose any more of myself, because I'm afraid that once I do, there's no turning back. But that's impossible as long as you're here. I'll never lose another part of myself because you're that part. And I like you, Nathan. And I'm begging you. Please....Please, for everything you hold dear in life, please...don't like me back."

Nathan was silent, opening his mouth, trying to say something and then fixing Varian with a harsh glare. "... Well, if it's such an inconvenience to you, I'll give it my best shot." And then he turned and went back inside the house, leaving Varian to sit, stunned, hurt, and practically writhing in pain from the shattering he felt inside.

And when the scent of blood overwhelmed him, Varian did nothing. He sat there, letting the blood run and splatter on his shirt, his stomach feeling like something was clawing him from the inside out.

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He felt... He didn't know how to feel.

Hurt, and insulted, because unless he was wrong, usually when you like someone, you want them to like you back. Unrequited feelings aren't the best, so why had Varian said all that shit about how Nathan couldn't like him back?

What if Nathan did like him back? Nothing he could do about it, they were his own damn feelings, and whatever Varian had to say wasn't going to make him feel any different.

On top of that his headache was back, and a bit worse than it had been previously, which he considered bullshit.

... Well fine, if Varian wanted it like that, Nathan could be an ass too.

He dug his phone out of his pocket, dialing Elle's number and sighing.

"Nathaniel Vogel, boy, you better tell me where you are this instant or so help me I will ground you for the rest of your life young man! What were you thinking? You could have been dead!"

Nathan let her finish her rant before sighing tiredly, clearing his throat. "I'm fine, Mom. and I'm sorry, I know I should have called you. I was really tired, and... Offered to help someone out with their farm for a bit and ended up staying the night."

"Well, you're damn lucky I didn't call your father young man! We will be talking about this later!"

"Yeah, I know.... Um.... Mom?"

"... Yeah?"

"... Can you come get me?" he asked in a small voice. He hadn't actually realized the mood swings before, but now that Varian mentioned it, he could tell. Just from vaguely explaining the situation to Elle he felt like curling up in a ball and staying away from any sort of society for days.

"... Yeah, Honey, I can. Where are you?"

"I-I'm a little south of Aunt Millie's shop. Big farm, first thing you'll see." he responded, clearing his throat when he heard the stutter. Elle let it go, saying she would see him soon before he hung up. He tightened his grip on the phone for a minute, trying to get himself back under control before putting it away again.

His car was still at the shop... Which had his bag. He'd have to ask Elle to drop him off there. He would also be skipping breakfast. He didn't want to spend more time with Elle than possible, and if he said he hadn't eaten she'd end up taking him out and trying to get him to explain more than he had. And while he was pissed off at Varian, he wasn't so much of a dick as to spill his whole 'Vampire' secret to his mom. Maybe he could use it as Blackmail...

A horn beeping outside caused him to jump before he walked back out the front door, seeing his Mom's Taurus waiting. He walked out to the car slowly, sliding into the passenger seat and slamming the door behind him. Elle glanced over to him as she pulled out of the driveway and back onto the road. "... Nathan..."

He shook his head slightly, leaning it against the window. "Nathan, you might feel better-"

"I don't want to talk about it." He snapped, regretting it slightly when she winced and frowned.

"... Alright. I won't bother you then."

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. This was going to be one hell of a day...

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Varian felt relief when Nathan left with his mother. He couldn't face him, not then with blood all over his shirt, it'd just be another thing to explain. Something that he himself couldn't figure out.

Getting up, Varian went back inside, peeled his shirt off, threw it in the washer and headed directly for the shower. Turning the water temperature all the way to cold, he yelped as it encountered his bare flesh.

Biting back the sobs building in his chest, Varian sank to the floor of the shower and let all of his suppressed memories come flooding back to him. Grant, tall and proportionately muscled. They'd found one another at school. Varian had simply glimpsed him, but it had been enough. Enough to give him the migraines that grew so badly he couldn't keep any food down. Enough to have his moods flare up and out of control in his absence. Enough to make him desire Grant to the point where he occupied his dreams as well as his waking moments.

And when they touched... The pain in his head would go away. The more they were together the less it hurt, and Varian had clung to that. To Grant. Who'd told him, at so young of an age the thing that he'd wanted so badly to hear.

"Varian," he'd whispered in his ear. "Do you know why all of this is happening to you?" he'd asked, pulling Varian onto his bed from the floor, kissing his forehead, his cheek, his nose, his mouth....

"N-no." Varian had stammered, fighting through the thick fog that Grant's touch had put on his mind.

"It means you're my mate. That missing part of me. The part of me that's separate, but can be connected. We can be put together Varian. Do you want me to fill that missing part of you?"

Varian shuddered, remembering Grant's touch. How his fingers had slid down, down his back, following his spine. Until they grasped the end of his shirt and lifted up.

Sinking back into the cold spray, Varian sniffed, smelling blood but not caring. He remembered. Remembered the way Grant's mouth on his flesh had felt. How it'd sent goosebumps up and down his arms and legs and stomach when he'd laid him down on the bed. How his skin felt like it was on fire and freezing at the same time wherever Grant touched him.

But most of all he remembered his answer. "I want to be that part of you."

Those words were his salvation, his plague, and his demise. He'd willingly given himself to Grant. Grant who had been gentle, who'd made him feel good in places where he never had before. Grant who had bitten him that night. Grant who had Changed him. Grant who had bonded their souls, and then ripped his apart. Grant who had stolen a part of himself, and who had taken that part and run off for a woman. A woman. All the time Grant had spent with him, he'd been spending the rest with that woman. His mate. His other half.

And he'd left Varian. Left him used, and confused, and broken, and shattered. Left him there in that bedroom, wrapped up in the covers, naked. Left him there to wake up alone. And he'd been ashamed. Ashamed of himself, so deeply hurt by what he had done, he'd cried out to his passive parents. Who for the first time went to him in his time of need.

But when they saw the kiss marks, and the hickeys, they'd left him too. They'd shunned him, saying that he was a monster, an evil creature for giving his body to Grant. And they'd packed, and left. Leaving the tiny little bundle that was his sister on the kitchen table, crying because she was hungry.

That day he'd lost everything he thought he'd be able to hang onto. But had gained the one thing that kept him sane. His sister, who he named Venerra, in honor of her gift to him of life, and love.

And even though it hurt so much to send Nathan away, he had to. It'd hurt more if he'd gotten close to Nathan, and had ripped his soul apart too. Varian couldn't live with himself if he ruined Nathan. Because unlike himself, Nathan was alone. Alone in a way that he was surrounded by people, but never would be able to reach out to them or to be reached out to. And Varian just couldn't make himself do that. He wouldn't. Nathan deserved to live. Of that he was sure.

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He arrived late to school, but that was mostly due to the fact that he had sat in his car for about half an hour behind Millie's shop, and then sat some more in front of the school.

He had one hell of a headache and didn't want to deal with anyone. He had to though, he figured, climbing out and heading in to the main office. It had been about five minutes since the first bell rang, so there was no way he was making it to homeroom without getting a detention if he didn't have a note.

The wait in the office felt abnormally long, cluing Nathan in that the day was going to be slow on top of Hell, which sucked all together.

Homeroom passed too quickly, introducing him to American History, along with Andrea. A hand on his shoulder kept him from entering the room, making him sigh. "Andrea, I really don't feel like it."

"Oh well. You can't just disappear all night and not expect us to be concerned, Nate. Now where were you?" she asked, turning him to face her before putting her hands on her hips. He rubbed the back of his neck, shaking his head.

"I was just helping someone out on their farm, and I stayed later than I had planned. That's it. Nothing to get so worked up over."

She stared back at him, shaking her head slightly before narrowing her eyes. "... Please don't do this again, Nate. I was worried sick about you." she mumbled. He snorted, leaning back against the wall and closing his eyes.

"... Nate?"

He raised an eyebrow, keeping his eyes closed until he felt a hand on his shoulder again. Looking down at her, he could tell her face was slightly flushed as her jaw worked, looking for something to say when the bell rang. She smiled slightly instead, dropping her hand.

"... Try to stay awake in class today, okay?"

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Stepping out of the shower, Varian toweled off and pulled on his clothes, his stomach aching worse than it ever had before, and his head was just pounding.

He barely had the chance to leave the bathroom when the scent of blood hit him harder than it had yet. Gasping, Varian reached for the box of tissues on the sink top feeling the blood run, dripping constantly, splattering his shirt and the floor, forming a little puddle quickly.

Instinctively Varian tilted his head back, only to feel it run down the back of his throat, making his stomach flip. Snarling in frustration, Varian swallowed and leaned back against the wall, wishing the bleeding would stop. He was loosing so much blood, why wasn't he passing out already? And where was it all coming from?

Tossing the soaked tissue, once blindingly white; now drenched scarlet into the toilet. The blood began splattering his shirt again, and he grabbed another tissue, forcing it up against his nose.

Within minutes he felt the tissue shrink as it filled with blood. Getting another one ready ahead of time, Varian chucked the second tissue at the same time he pushed the other one into his nose, desperate to stop the bleeding.

"Varian? Why are you bleeding?"

Completely startled by his sister, Varian looked up at her. She stood in her night gown, holding onto the bathroom door frame, her eyes wide and swirling with yellow and silver, her hair frizzy and all over the place.

"Venerra...I'm okay, I just got a bloody nose. It's probably from the heat." he said, trying to sooth her, but feeling the soiled tissue begin to drip onto his shirt. Getting another one, he chucked the third, and leaned his head back against the wall, tears welling up in his eyes, threatening to spill over.

"No! It's not okay! You're bleeding so much! Varian? What's happening? I'm scared." Venerra said bursting into sobs, balling her fists and covering her eyes, the tears cascading down her round rosy cheeks, now blotchy with crying.

Slowly but surely the scent of blood stopped, and Varian cautiously withdrew the tissue. He sighed when no more ran out.

Chucking the last tissue, Varian got up and flushed the toilet, and peeled off his shirt, pulling Venerra against him, her sobs wracking her tiny little body as he clutched him close, burying her face into his bare chest. Picking her up, Varian carried her out to the couch and sat down with her, stroking her hair, and whispering gentle words of comfort to her, kissing the top of her head, the unruly auburn curls tickling his face as he did so.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that Venerra. I'm so sorry. I think I'm sick, but it'll go away okay?" he whispered gently, practically rocking her.

She sniffed, her chest hitching. "O-okay-y." she stammered, nodding.

"Then let me get a new shirt and I'll take you to school." Varian said setting her down and standing up to get a clean shirt.

On second thought, he decided he might need a couple.

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Nathan was able to escape Andrea as he ran to Calculus. She was acting odd, and he didn't really appreciate it at the moment.

He was the first in the class, sitting in his seat slowly and pressing his palm to his forehead. He had been preoccupied with work in History, so he didn't really notice the headache as much, so maybe if he tried to work in Calc it would dissipate a little more.

Once the bell had rung, Nathan felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, making him sigh before opening it. A text from Justin, saying something about not calling and acting weird, according to Andrea. He couldn't read the message completely since his phone decided to die right then, which he was amazed was still alive considering he wasn't able to charge it last night.

He really did need a new one...

He glanced at the board, gaping when he realized he had missed a small lecture on what they were doing in class.

Well. There went any hope of getting rid of the headache.

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Varian sighed, not too thrilled about showing up at school. After what had happened between himself and Nathan...he wasn't sure he was ready to face him. Let alone his friend. His stomach turned at the thought of facing Justin, but he had to. There was no way around it.

Walking into Marine Biology, he was immediately met with stares, glares and whispers, one of the faces turning to look at him was Justin, and it hurt Varian that much more.

Miss Whikler went back to teaching, acknowledging Varian by just a look.

Going to his seat next to Justin, Varian awaited his wrath, that never-ending headache pulsing, and his stomach clenching and turning.

"... You don't look too good... Just saying..." Justin said.

Not bothering to hide his discomfort, Varian folded his arms on his desk, resting his forehead on his them, absently rubbing at his temples.

"Considering the circumstances... No. Of course I don't look too good. I haven't felt this awful in a long time." Varian snapped, knowing that Justin would probably get angry at him.

Instead, he shrank back in his seat slightly. "Alright... Just thought I'd say something... No need to be snippy..."

Instantly feeling awful about taking his frustrations out on Justin, Varian looked up and met his gaze. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you, I'm just not feeling too well."

"It's fine. I get snapped at a lot. PMS really sucks for my sister. And, not to pry or anything, but if you feel like shit..." Justin replied, and he paused for a minute and then leaned in to whisper slightly loudly. "Why the hell are you here?"

"Honestly, I don't know why. Maybe it's because-" and Varian stopped mid-sentence, the migraine flaring, his sense of smell filling with the scent of blood. Jumping out of his chair, Varian bolted for the nearest bathroom, not seeing Justin staring after him with his mouth open. Grabbing paper towel from the nearest dispenser, Varian mopped the blood staining his hand seeping through his fingers and splattering the floor. Then he quickly pressed it to his nose and shut himself in the nearest stall, sinking down onto the floor and clutching at his now excruciatingly pained stomach.

Leaning his head back against the wall, Varian squeezed his eyes shut, making a feeble attempt to block the harsh lighting above. What was wrong with him? And why was it getting so much worse so fast?

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Nathan stared down at the worksheet he'd been given, biting his nails as he tried to understand just what in the hell he was supposed to be doing. He was going to fail this class; no doubt about it.

He was too irritated to even attempt copying whatever bullshit the nerd was writing, and the teacher's constant "ten minutes left... five minutes left..." wasn't exactly making it any easier.

"Alright, pencils down for right now. You can pick back up after we go over one through five." the teacher announced. Nathan dropped his pen, watching it roll off the table as he sighed.

Fuck if he wasn't tired though. He yawned loudly, hearing an annoyed mumbling from behind him and smiling in satisfaction. Pissing that guy off was too much fun. Maybe he'd find out his name soon.

Putting his head on the desk, Nathan ignored the lesson completely, focusing on the headache. He wasn't completely sure how long he'd be able to avoid Varian, if the headache kept getting worse. He might just be able to take some Ibuprofen.

He snapped his head up when the bell rang, pressing his palm to his forehead and wincing. Fast movements were not a good idea...

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After spending the first two and three quarter hours in the bathroom fighting off his bloody nose, Varian grudgingly trudged to lunch, nowhere near hungry, but needing to show people he was still alive.

Standing up, Varian felt his knees buckle and his head spin. Holding himself up with the wall, Varian waited for the dizzy spell to pass. He'd lost a lot of blood, and it was taking it's toll on him. Glancing in the mirror, Varian gasped, hardly recognizing his face. His eyes were dull and looked slightly sunken in, his face all bony angles and skin. His hair looked flat and lifeless, and his usually tan skin had a pale chalkiness to it. Lifting up his shirt, Varian bit his lip, seeing the sharp outline of his ribs. How had he lost weight so fast?

Shaking his head, Varian forced himself to walk out of the bathroom for the cafeteria. His steps were slow and halting, but his head felt like it was splitting open directly behind his eyes, and his stomach was beyond any pain it had ever felt. Even worse than when he hadn't had blood and had replenished it in the shower. Walking into the cafeteria, he plopped down at the table and buried his face in his arms, blocking out as much light as possible. He felt awful. Too awful to look around for Nathan's table, or even listen for Evan who's voice caught him off guard, despite his noisy nature.

"Hey! You alright? You look like you've been really sick."

Varian simply groaned in response. He felt so tired. He hadn't slept in two days, at all, and his migraine would not go away, and his nose had a weird habit of spurting out blood when it felt like it.

"If I didn't know you weren't feeling good, I'd say that was incredibly sexy and would you please do me."

"Do it yourself!" Varian snarled, his anger suddenly lashing out for no reason.

"I-I'm sorry..." Evan said, his voice cracking, on the verge of tears.

Varian immediately snapped his head up to meet his gaze. "Evan...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be so rude, I'm just not feeling well." Hadn't he said something similar to Justin? Why was he attacking the ones he liked? What was wrong with him?

And that's when Varian felt his stomach flip and spasm, an awful sour taste rising in the back of his throat, making him practically drool. "Sorry!" Varian hurriedly yelled to Evan booking it out of the cafeteria into the boys' bathroom. He didn't even have time to lock the stall before his stomach lurched and he dropped to his hands and knees, throwing up.

Gasping for breathe, Varian felt the smell of rotting meat assault his nose and he threw up again. The bitter bile taste overtaken with the taste of spoiled blood.

He threw up until there was nothing left to come up, and even then he had a hard time catching his breath. Leaning back against the stall wall, he felt the cool metal warm quickly at his feverish skin, and he couldn't help but let the tears finally come. He didn't need to see what he'd thrown up. He could smell it. Blood. He'd thrown up so much blood it shouldn't have been able to fit in his stomach. And it was bad. It smelled sour and rotten, and he knew that it didn't look pretty.

Covering his face, Varian finally let all of the fear and worry inside of him come forth. He couldn't hide it any more. He was beyond shaken up. He was scared, scared for his life, absolutely petrified. And the only thing he could think of was Venerra. If he was dieing, where would she go? And would she be okay? And what about Nathan? Could he stand it if he left this world on such a bad note with him? No, he decided. He wouldn't be able to, but there was no way to fix what he'd done. He'd known that from the beginning.

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"... Was that Varian?"

Nathan's head snapped up, raising an eyebrow at Justin. "Was what Varian?"

"The guy that just ran out of here... Looked like Varian... Sort of..." Justin mumbled before shaking his head. "Couldn't have been. Too thin to be Varian. However, that does bring something to mind."

Andrea snorted, rolling her eyes slightly. "Why do we always talk about him? It's always 'Varian this', or 'Varian that'. Frankly, I'm sick of the guy." she said. Nathan glared slightly, though directed it at the table instead of her. "Look, even Nate's sick of him. I'm starting to think you're obsessed with the guy."

"Forgive me for being worried about people, Andrea. I guess I just have a habit of thinking about others." Justin snapped, pushing away from the table and heading for the food lines. Nathan was a little apprehensive of being stuck with Andrea, but, he figured, it would only be for five minutes. How weird could she get in five minutes?

She glanced over at him, sighing quietly. "Nate, you don't look so good. Maybe you should go to the nurse."

"I'm fine, Andrea." He mumbled back, keeping his head ducked. He jerked his hand back from the table when he felt her touch it lightly, looking up and sitting back.

"Why do you keep doing that?" He asked. She sighed, giving him a tolerating look before opening her mouth, only to close it again as Justin sat back down with a tray of food. Andrea glanced at him and shook her head slightly, sitting back in her seat and crossing her arms over her chest.

Justin looked between her and Nathan, frowning slightly. Nathan shrugged back before Justin sighed, picking up a piece of pizza and taking a large bite out of it. "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted- I think Varian's sick."

"... Define sick." Nathan requested quietly. Justin shrugged slightly.

"As in throwing up, chalky-looking and irritable sick. Ran out of Biology this morning. For all I know, the guy who just ran out probably was him. Pretty odd, huh?"

No, Varian wasn't allowed to be sick. Because that would make Nathan want to avoid him that much less. The asshole...

"People get sick, Justin. No big deal." Andrea said. Justin snorted, looking at her.

"Yeah, well, he looked more than just 'sick'."

Nathan tuned their argument out, sighing and leaning his head back. If he saw Varian leave the Cafeteria the next day, then he would follow and see how 'sick' he was, avoiding each other be damned.

He would be pretty pissed at himself for a while though.

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There was no way Varian would be able to go to work. He didn't even feel comfortable driving, but he had to pick up Venerra, which he did as soon as he could and he headed for home.

"We aren't going to see Aunt Millie today?" Venerra asked, her milky white eyes shifting to a pure silver.

"No, I'm not feeling well enough to go to work today. I'm sorry Venerra."

She studied his face, her eyes softening. "Why are you so sick?"

"I don't know." Varian admitted, not bothering to mask the severity of the situation.

The rest of the drive home was uneventful. Venerra didn't put up a fight, some part of her sensing that there was something seriously wrong with Varian. And Varian tried blocking as much light to his head as possible. It felt like it was splitting open, cell by cell. And his stomach was clamping on itself so badly, he knew he'd have to throw up again soon.

Pulling into the driveway and up to the house, Varian put the truck in park and went to get out when his stomach lurched again. Unable to make it inside the house, Varian doubled over and threw up again. Twice. Three times. Unable to bring up any more, Varian crumpled to the ground and wiped his mouth glancing at his arm automatically. And what he saw made the remaining blood in his veins freeze.

There was a red tinted inky black smear across his wrist, and all at once he realized why he was sick. His own blood. He'd drunk his own blood in a fit of desperation, and now his body was suffering. He'd poisoned himself without realizing it. He was dieing, and it was all his fault.

At this point Venerra came running around the truck and saw Varian, sweating and pale, and the awful sight and stench of the bad blood. Her lower lip quivered and silent tears spilled from her eyes.

"Are you going to leave me?" She asked, her voice hoarse.

Reaching out to her, Varian met her gaze. "Come here." he whispered gently.

Venerra went to Varian and he folded her against him, kissing the top of her head. "I'm not going to be able to stay with you eventually Venerra. But the time for that is drawing much closer for me. And I'm sorry I'm hurting you so badly, but when somebody else comes looking for you at school, I want you to go with them okay? Do you remember Nathan from Aunt Millie's store?"

"Y-yeah." she stammered, clutching his shirt.

"If he's the one to come and get you, I want you to behave. Be better for him than you are for me. Everything will be worked out from there I promise. And if I don't get the chance to-" Varian broke off, his voice cracking. Swallowing he fought back the tears and held Venerra tighter. "Tell him I'm sorry."

Venerra burst into sobs then, and Varian held her closer than he ever had before, and he cried too. His time with her was limited, if that.

"I love you Venerra. You know that right?" he asked.

She nodded, and buried herself into his chest. Picking her up, Varian grunted softly at the weight of her, once not a problem, but now an inconvenience. Carrying her into his room, He laid down next to her on the bed and held her close. This was the last time he'd be able to see her as he was. Folding himself around her, he fell asleep for the first time time in a long time with her wrapped safely in his arms.

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School ended with a boring Latin class, which meant one thing- It had to have been Varian that ran out of the Cafeteria. That, or he was skipping Latin, which considering the 'avoiding' thing was possible, but Nathan decided to be pessimistic.

He didn't feel like going to Millie's, but he had to. Both for a pay check and to prove he wasn't dead. Which, he thought, was somewhat idiotic since she had seen him leave with Varian.

He sighed to himself, standing beside his car. He was mentally rambling. Unlocking the car door, he slid into the front seat, jamming his keys into the ignition before backing out of the parking lot and heading down to the store.

The store had quite a few more people than usual, making Nathan sigh as he pulled into his parking space before going into the store.

"You! Do you have any idea how much trouble you got me in! Your mother's calling me, waking me up around one in the morning because you haven't called or shown up at home, and at one in the morning I don't remember where you went, so I have nothing to tell her, and apparently you can't seem to pick up your phone, and I thought Varian would be responsible enough to bring you back, but no, apparently not!"

Millie's rant had finished with Nathan struggling not to laugh, or even smile as he leaned against the register counter. "... You're right. I'm sorry. I meant to call someone." he apologized.

Millie stared back for a minute before rolling her eyes, shoving him off the counter. "Go get the damn apron and get to work.”