Hopeless Desires

I lifted the warm, blue ceramic mug to my lips, feeling the warm drink slip past my lips and settle in my stomach. I was never a coffee drinker; hot coco was always my drink of choice over anything, even in the summer. It always gave me this warm, safe feeling; it was a big thing my house growing up and it just brings me back to when things were simple and easy. I can recall so many stories shared and experienced with just a simple cup of hot coco.

I lowered the cup back down to the glass table gently and lifted my legs to sit on top of the chair, wrapping my arms around them to keep warm in the early morning breeze. The sun was just rising behind the California city buildings; the sky a light blue, littered with purple and orange clouds. Not many people were up yet, considering it’s 9am on a Saturday and I live in a quiet neighborhood. Only a few cars drove below me as I sat in a cushioned chair on my balcony. My apartment was in the perfect area, close enough to the city I could walk to any store if need be, yet far away enough that I could still see the stars at night and cars weren’t honking all the time. Silence was something I loved. It gave me time to think, clear my thoughts. My head always seems to get clouded up with thoughts about so many different things. It’s as if I’m surrounded by smoke that’s blocking my vision and filling my ears and I can’t get a clear view of what’s going on. And in just a few short minutes of complete silence, I’m able to organize everything in my head and finally take a deep breath.

I heard the patio doors open behind me, but didn’t bother turning around, knowing very well who was about to step out. From the corner of my eye, I saw him move around the table and plant himself down in the chair across from me.

“It’s too early,” Carter muttered. I looked over at him and smiled.

He was slouching down low, his eyes closed and his cheek resting on his shoulder. His hair was disheveled, sticking out in every which way making it quite obvious that he had just woken up. Goosebumps spread out over his shirtless chest as another breeze blew by us and he shivered slightly.

“Go back to sleep,” I said, speaking quietly, as if afraid I’d break the peaceful silence that had surrounded us. He opened his eyes slowly and turned his face to me; his deep brown eyes, though covered with sleep, shined.

“I can’t sleep without you anymore. You’re like my blanket. No one can sleep without a blanket.”

“Not true. Babies can.”

“Do you see any babies around here?” He asked with a playful glare.

“Yeah, I’m staring at one,” I smirked, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

“You got jokes, huh?”

“You bet your ass I do.”

“I’m about to kick your ass.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“Is that a challenge?” he asked, sitting up. He stared right at me, a smile playing at his lips, but he did his best to keep a straight face.

“I’d say so.”

“Well, then, I’d say you better start running.” He stood up and cracked his knuckles, staring at me.

Without a second thought, I jumped up and ran into our apartment. I didn’t have to look behind me to know Carter was hot on my heels. I jumped onto our bed and then back down the other side, racing out of our bedroom that the balcony was off of. I bolted down the small hallway, skipping steps as I ran down the stairs and raced around the living room. I let out a scream and then a laugh as I felt his hands graze my arm. I jumped onto the couch and then leaped over the back, nearly falling flat on my face. I have no idea how I made it this far without falling.

Carter and I were each on opposite sides of the couch, a staring contest going on between us. We each held the same playful, mock glares on our faces and we both were breathing heavily from running.

He stepped left, so I stepped right. This game of countering each others steps lasted until we had switched sides of the couch before he surprised me and bolted over the back of it, jumping onto the cushions much like I had. I screamed and ran back towards our bedroom, giggling uncontrollably. I felt his arm snake around my waist as I reached the first step and let out a squeal. He threw me over his shoulder and continued up the stairs with an arrogant stride.

“You better not drop me!” I yelled, giving his side a hard poke. He chuckled and then proceeded to pretend to drop me, causing me to let out another screech. “Carter!”

He flopped me down onto our bed, my legs hanging off the side, and then hovered over me with a hand on either side of my waist and his legs positioned between mine. He smiled down at me and then smirked.

“I win. What’s my prize?”

“Mm, a puppy?” I questioned, a smile growing on my face as he grimaced.

“As cute as puppies are, I don’t think so.”

“A balloon?”

“No.”

“A….”

“I swear if you say a Mexican piñata, I will tickle you until you pee your pants.”

“Okay, one, that’s gross. And two, how did you know I was gonna say that?”

“Your quite predictable, Miss Fox.”

“Am not,” I pouted. He chuckled.

“You are too,” Carter mimicked me, lowering his lips to hover right over mine. “So, what’s my prize?” he asked again, his lips grazing mine. He released a small breath and I could taste his familiar scent. My arms automatically wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer though he resisted my tugging.

“Uh…” I breathed. My mind had gone blank, craving Carter’s lips against mine. His smile was quickly replaced with a proud smirk, knowing the effect he was having on me.

“Well?” He whispered.

“A hug?”

“No,” he smiled.

“A really romantic hug?” I asked with a cheeky grin.

“Closer,” he whispered, kissing me so softly at the corner of my lips, I barely felt it.

“A kiss on the cheek?”

“Closer,” he said, his lips ghosting against my own.

“A kiss on the lips?”

“Bingo,” he breathed, before pushing his lips onto mine. The innocent kiss quickly began to get heated before the sound of my cell phone ringing forced us to separate.

“Who is calling you this early in the morning?” Carter asked me, a clearly annoyed tone to his voice. He rolled off of me, lying down on the bed with his hands behind his head. I had no idea where my phone was and began throwing stuff around looking for it.

“My boyfriend,” I answered nonchalantly. Just as I was bending over to pick up the jeans I had worn last night, I felt a pillow hit the back of my head. I spun around and glared at Carter. “Don’t be a playa hata, dawg!” I said, as I found my phone in the pocket of my jeans. ‘Amber’ was flashing across the screen and I immediately pushed talk, bringing the phone to my ear.

“It’s about time you called me back!”

“I know! I’m sorry! I’ve been….lazy,” she said, laughing as I rolled my eyes with a smile.

Amber Thomas was my best friend who lived in New York, where I was originally born. I met her in first grade and we’ve been friends ever since. When I was contemplating moving here to California after high school, my biggest con was leaving her behind. But we talk every day on the phone and Skype chat just as much. She’s the one person I know will never judge me for any decision I make, good or bad. She’s brutally honest too though, so when you’ve made a mistake, she’ll tell you upfront what an idiot you are. But that’s who she is and I wouldn’t trade her for anyone else.

“Is there a reason you’re calling me at…” I glanced at the clock, “9AM? Isn’t it like 6 in the morning in New York? Why are you up?”

“I have a job interview this morning. And I figured you’d be awake because you wake up at like the crack of dawn and I was bored.”

“You? A Job? Who are you and what have you done with my friend Amber?”

“Hardy-har-har. Don’t be a sarcastic bitch. I’ve had jobs before.”

“Yeah, like 15 because you’re always getting fired.”

“It’s not my fault people are stupid,” she muttered.

I laughed at her tone. Amber was never a people person. Her attitude made it hard to talk to her without somehow getting offended. I’ve known her for so long that I know she doesn’t mean half the shit she says. “Mhm, good excuse” I said, climbing into bed next to Carter. Except instead of burying myself under the blankets like him, I sat with my legs criss-crossed.

“Anyway, moving on. You’re coming home in a few days, right?” She asked.

“Of course! I couldn’t miss the annual Thomas-Fox 4th of July family barbecue.”

“Well you’ve missed it the last two years…”

I paused, “Details, details,” I said, waving my hand in the air even though she couldn’t see me. “The point is I won’t be missing it this year.”

“Good because if you did, I’d have to fly over to Cali just to murder you.”

“What a pointless trip that’d be.”

“Yeah, I’m not too sure I’d be able to kill you anyway.”

“You couldn’t kill anyone. You talk a big talk, but in actuality you’re like….Mother Theresa!”

“That’s true….” She said, trailing off. I rolled my eyes at her, smiling non-the-less. I felt Carter’s arms wrap around my waist and pull my body towards his. He rested his head on my thighs and I held my phone between my ear and my shoulder, running my fingers through his sandy, smooth hair.

“How’s everyone?” I asked.

“Good! Everyone’s really excited to see you too. Ben was practically bouncing off the walls when he found out you were coming back. My brother likes you more than me!”

“Well, can you blame him?”

“It definitely makes me question his judgment,” she said. I mimicked her, causing her to laugh out loud. “I have to go. I have class in an hour. I just wanted to call you back. You’re staying at my house the first night right? Then heading to your parents?”

“Yeah, that’s the plan. And I’m staying for an entire month, so you’ll be sick of me by the time I have to leave.”

“I just might have to ship you off to Alaska.”

“I love penguins!”

“There aren’t penguins in Alaska, you idiot,” she laughed.

“That’s ridiculous! Penguins belong in Alaska! Where the heck are they?” I asked, my tone giving away how unserious I was being, knowing fully well that there are no penguins in Alaska.

“Antarctica.”

“Well, that just won’t do. I’m gonna need to talk to the government about this.”

“Right, because penguins not being in Alaska is their top priority,” she snorted.

“It should be!”

“You’re ridiculous.” Amber laughed. “I seriously gotta go, so I’ll talk to you later!”

“Have fun in school!”

“Have fun having sex with Carter!”

“Amber!”

“Bye!” She giggled, hanging up. I rolled my eyes, smiling, and placed my cell phone on my night stand.

“Can we go back to sleep now?” Carter mumbled, his eyes still closed and his head still in my lap.

I hummed in response and he moved his head to rest on his pillow as I climbed under the covers next to him. He instantly wrapped his arms around me and pulled my body towards his. I was lying on my back while Carter rested on his stomach, his face buried in my neck. I could feel his warm breath on my neck with every exhale he made, giving me goose-bumps.

My eyes began to feel heavy as my body relaxed and exhaustion filled my bones. I let out a content sigh, closing my eyes and letting myself fall back asleep.