Hopeless Desires

As much as I tried to ignore it, the incessant knocking on my front door forced me to roll out of bed and stumble out of my room and down the stairs.

I fast walked to my front door, rubbing my sore eyes. I let out a few profanities as I tripped on my long pajama bottoms, the silk material slipping under the sole of my foot. I rubbed my hands down my face and smoothed my hair, trying not to look like I was still sleeping in the middle of the afternoon. I pulled open the heavy wood door, blinking rapidly and squinting my eyes as the sun shined in.

“Uh, hi. Did I wake you?” John asked, clearing his throat awkwardly.

“Um, yeah, but that’s okay. It’s too late to still be sleeping anyway.”

“Well, when you’re up all night partying, it’s no surprise that you have no desire to wake up.”

“Excuse me, but if I remember correctly, I wanted to go to bed but someone wouldn’t let me until they won a game of Dance Dance Revolution.”

“Whoever that someone is, they must be awesome as fuck.”

“Right, awesome,” I snorted. John let out a laugh with a playful eye roll. “Oh, did want to come in?” I asked, shuffling from one foot to the other, opening the door wider.

“Yeah,” he murmured, smiling at me as he stepped past me and into my house, brushing against my shoulder.

I closed the door as he stepped through the threshold and followed behind him as he wandered into the living room, looking at the various pictures of my family hanging on the wall. I leaned against the doorframe and crossed my arms, watching him wander around and take everything in.

“This is a really nice house. Very…homey.”

“I’ll be sure to tell my parents you approve,” I smiled. He turned around and smiled at me, walking closer to me. “How exactly did you find out where I live?”

He shrugged, “Yellowpages.”

“I’m not sure if I should be flattered or creeped out.”

“Probably a little bit of both.” We both laughed and I began absently fidgeting with the ends of my hair, watching as he shuffled around my small living room.“So, I have a surprise for you,” he said.

I raised an eyebrow, letting out a small “Oh?”

He lifted up his hand, reviling a white shopping bag that I didn’t even realize he had, gesturing for me to take it. I took it slowly and cautiously, unsure of what this surprise could be.

I instantly started laughing at what I saw in the bag, our conversation from yesterday coming back to mind.

“Nemo swimmies?” I questioned with a wide smile.

“I am going to teach you how to swim today.” He sounded so sure of himself, like he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Are you certified to teach me to swim?”

“Yes, yes I am. I was a life guard in high school.”

“You were?”

“Yeah, for about two weeks before I got fired, but that’s not important.”

“Did you let someone drown?” I demanded.

“No! I just called false shark alarms one too many times.” I laughed out loud, and he smiled, seemingly proud of himself. “Now go get your bathing suit on and meet me outside. I figured since you have a pool we’d do it here.”

“Do it?” I smirked, enjoying the way his cheeks burned.

“Yes”, he said, chuckling nervously. “Swimming.” He nodded his head turning and walking back into the living room, sitting down on the couch and leaning back.

I rushed upstairs and changed into my swim suit and brushed through my hair. I grabbed two beach towels from the linen closet and then headed back downstairs. John stood up as I appeared in the doorway and followed behind me as I headed to the backyard. There were a few noodles, a giant blow up whale, and a small raft floating in the pool, moving with the breeze that pushed them around the water.

We walked to the pool chairs and threw our towels down. After we each filled up a swimmie and I had them securely on my arms, John threw his shirt over his head and tossed it on to the ground on his flip flops. Suddenly he ran passed me, jumping into the pool and splashing water all over. Bubbles floated to the surface and seconds later his head emerged from the blue water. He turned to face me, smiling as I stared at him in shock.

“Come on,” he said, gesturing to the pool steps in the shallow end. He swam over to them and stood up, the water only going up to just above his waste.

I slowly walked to the ladder and took one step at a time, shivering at the coldness of the water. I kept my head down, staring at the water that seemed so menacing. I peeked up at John through my eyelashes to see him, watching me with an encouraging smile, one hand extended, waiting for me to grab it.

I tentatively placed my hand in his beckoning one and he gently pulled me further into the pool, smiling reassuringly. As I stepped down from the last step, I began to get nervous. The water went to just about my ribs but that was deep enough in my opinion. I walked closer to him, looking down through the crystal clear water at my feet that took small steps.

He took my other hand in his, pulling me closer to the deep end.

“If you let me drown, I will come back to life and haunt the hell out of you,” I warned, keeping my eyes locked on his. He chuckled, rolling his eyes and giving my hand a tight squeeze.

“I won’t let you drown, trust me.”

I nodded stiffly and allowed him to keep pulling me forward. Once I could no longer feel the ground beneath my feet, I freaked out and without thinking, moved closer to John, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. I could tell my breathing had become shallow as I held onto him tightly. He simply wrapped his arms around my waste, smiling reassuringly. He had one arm around me and the other on the wall, keeping him afloat as he supported both our weights in the 6 foot deep water.

“You okay?” He asked, pausing in his trek.

“Yeah,” I breathed out, closing my eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. When I opened them, I noticed that we were in the middle of the pool, against the wall.

“I’m going to let go,” he said.

“Don’t you dare, John O’Callaghan.”

“You’ll be okay, I promise. Just unwrap your legs. You can still keep your arms around my neck, but I can’t teach you how to swim if you’re completely attached to me,” he said, smiling his boyish grin. It took a few more seconds of convincing before I finally agreed and I slowly took the death grip my legs had on him off, though my hold on his neck only tightened. My face was practically buried in his shoulder and I could feel his chest rise with every breath he took.

“Alright, now it’s really easy to learn how to swim. The tricky part is going under water but we’ll get to that later.”

“Much, much later,” I agreed.

He smirked at me, nodding his head. He spent a few minutes explaining how to kick my legs and move my arms, though it was a challenge with my choke hold still going strong. It took a lot of convincing on his part, but eventually I released my hold on his neck, and settled for just holding his hands. I kicked my legs furiously, trying to stay afloat. He kept encouraging me, and eventually, I calmed down and moved my legs in a slower, less panicked pace.

“I’m so glad I’m not a fish,” I muttered, my legs aching. He laughed, nodding his head.

“I would be a little put off if you had a fin and scales.”

We spent the entire day in the pool, under the hot sun. Eventually we waded back to the shallow end, and I sighed in relief as I was able to feel the pool floor below my feet. John released my hands and lowered himself into the water, showing me how to move my arms. I practiced swimming from one side of the pool to the other, pushing off the wall to give me speed and help me propel forward. We talked casually, getting to know each other better as I made laps back and forth and he rested on the ladder.

“So, you mentioned you have a boyfriend. What’s his name?” John asked, moving his feet back forth, creating ripples on the surface of the water.

“Carter Bennett.”

John nodded, “How long have you two been dating?”

“Almost four years.”

“Holy shit. My longest relationship was a few weeks. Four years?” I nodded my head, the pride swelling in my chest.

“Four years and counting. Though his parents wish we had broken it off years ago.”

“They don’t like you dating him?”

“They don’t like me period. See, before Carter started dating me, he was dating a daughter of his parent’s friends. She, much like Carter, comes from money. His parents have a very closed-minded sense of thinking. You marry into your social status and that’s that. My family is just your average, everyday middle class family and that doesn’t sit well with Carter’s parents. Even before I met them, they didn’t like me.” I swam over to the ladder where John was sitting and sat one step lower from the one he was on.

It was silent for a few minutes before John spoke up.

“So,” he said, “Since we’re friends now, I think you're obligated to let me get to know you.”

A light laugh slipped through my lips, followed by an easy sigh. “Who said we are friends?” I quirked an eyebrow.

“I did.”

“And whatever you say goes?”

“Wow, you catch on fast, Chey.”

I let out another laugh, slightly splashing some water at John. “I suppose I am. But only if you let me get to know you too.”

“So, we’re negotiating now?” He smiled and looked down at me, “Deal.”

I held up a hand, staring expectantly at John’s face. He looked down at my awaiting hand, chuckling. “A handshake makes it official right?” I nodded my head, fighting off a smile. He slipped his hand into mine and we shook hands, the warmth radiating from his hand to mine.

“Okay, what do you want to know?” I asked, waiting for a run-of-the mill question about my favorite color or something.

“Tell me one dream of yours.”

I looked up at him oddly. “A dream of mine?”

“Yeah, you know like, something that you want to do before you die.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to know what my favorite color?”

“I’m sure,” he smirked, then said, "But for future reference, why don't you tell me that too."

I mimicked his smirk. “It's red.” I looked away from his face and up to the sky, thinking about the rest of my answer before finally speaking. “The Price Is Right.”

“What?” My eyes met John’s and a chuckle slipped from my lips at the confused look on his face.

“Before I die, I want to be on The Price Is Right.”

He let out a loud laugh, holding his stomach, hunched over. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Well you asked for a dream of mine!”

“I was expecting you to say something more deep or shit!”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

“No, no, I like yours better. It’s different.”

“I have an entire bucket list written out, actually.”

“You do?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

I nodded my head. “I bring it everywhere with me, in case I have an opportunity to cross something off.”

“Can I see it?”

“No way,” I shook my head. “No one has seen it, not even Carter.”

“Why not?”

“Some of the stuff is…..weird.”

“Dreams are nothing to be ashamed of, Chesna.”

“Thanks for the life quote, Ghandi.”

He splashed me with water, chuckling at my shocked face.

“Oh yeah, I just splashed you.”

After a huge water fight, splashing each other and hitting one another with pool noodles, we climbed out of the pool. We grabbed our towels and dried off before making our way into my house.

“Hungry?” I asked him, walking into my kitchen.

“Are you kidding? I’m fucking starving.”

“How does pizza sound?” I asked, holding up my house phone. He nodded his head and licked his lips. I smiled and dialed the number for the pizza place, leaning against the counter.

We had devoured two family sized pizzas between the two of us, my simple plain cheese and his pepperoni shared, as well as garlic knots, two bottles of Coca Cola and a tub of Cookie Dough ice cream with whip cream and chocolate syrup.

I lolled against John on the sofa and sunk down into the cushions, practically hanging off. John was mostly leaning on me, one leg thrown over the arm rest of the couch and one stretched out on the floor.

"I feel pregnant," I told him, poking my full stomach and groaning.

"You’ll be a responsible parent," he said, his words cutting off as a loud burp cut through. “I think I'm going to have twins."

"Don't make me laugh or I swear I will puke everywhere.” I looked around at the mess of food and empty containers around us. “There's one more garlic knot left, do you want it?"

John’s face contorted and he shook his head, pretending to puke on me using the last of the whip cream in the can, making me squeal and giggle and then groan as the vibrations made my stomach ache. I reached my hand out and smacked John’s chest with the back of my hand, quickly pulling it back to my chest as it stung.

“Ow! Son of your mom!” I cursed, pouting at my now sore hand.

John patted his chest before he chuckled and looked up at me through his eyelashes. and said, “Was that supposed to hurt or tickle?”

“Oh shut up! Your chest is so boney. Eat a burger man!”

He groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Don’t mention food. Ever again.”

I giggled at the face he made and sunk further into the couch, my hands falling to my sides.