When Boy Meets Boy

"Everything is perfect," I said truthfully. Something within me just clicked, fell into place, and any other cheesy cliché you could think of. The morning flew by, I got ready, ate breakfast and thought of ways I could try to talk to Spencer. It was like I was walking on cloud nine. I know, total turn around from night-of-the-living-the-dead thing I had going on.

"Well, looks like someone is feeling better." Mom said as I came down the stairs.

"Yea, I don't know, I just feel…better." I smiled. We ate breakfast in a comfortable silence. Though, I looked calm on the outside, my body was buzzing with realization. I, Derek Morgan, 17 year old, Junior, football player, am gay; I'm gay, and have feelings for my very male tutor, Spencer Reid. I felt happy and sick to my stomach all at once. What will happen when everyone at school finds out? What will my family thing? Will I be an outcast? My stomach churned at the mere thought. Okay, now I wasn't feeling so great but I knew I still had to talk to Spencer, it was only right.

I walked through the hallway, my bag heavy against my shoulders, my legs reluctant to go any further. But, I pushed on, despite the nerves that were threatening to get the best of me. I saw a glimpse of his messy, brown hair entering Mr. Gideon's room, my curiosity getting the best of me, I went over. The scene that displayed inside the room damn near broke my heart. Spencer had his back towards me, slightly hunched over, Mr. Gideon laid a comforting hand upon his shoulder, whispering something to him. Spencer nodded, and stood up straighter, and that's when I saw a glimpse of his face, and he looked so broken, so torn, so weak. I wanted nothing more than to barge in and wrap him up into my arms. But, I didn't. I walked away, pushing back the tears that were now threatening my eyes. Is he crying because of me? Was I that much of a jackass? Did I really blow my only chance? Those questions swirled around my mind all day, never letting up. I could barely concentrate in class, the only thing keeping my emotions in check was the fact that I would be seeing Spencer later that day. What if he asked Mr. Gideon to not be my tutor any more? I pushed the evil thought into the back of my head, not letting myself think that way. When 6 period came around, I was buzzing with anticipation. Not only was it the last class of the day, it was English class. English 313, Block 7, Mr. Gideon. I was early, not bothering to stop and talk to anyone in the hallway today. Swiftly, and silently, I walked into the classroom, choosing the seat in the right, back hand corner near the window. My leg wouldn't stop shaking, my stomach wouldn't churning, and my heart would stop beating so erratically. It was maddening, really. Out of habit, I started to bite my fingernails, willing myself to calm down before I had a panic attack. I stared out the window, but I could feel Mr. Gideon's eyes on me, but I refused to meet them. I kept my eyes locked on the desk in front of me, or out the window-alternating between the two-trying to ignore the feeling of his eyes on me. How much does he know? Or does he know nothing at all and I really am just paranoid? Yea, that's it. I'm just being paranoid. I kept repeating it, like a mantra, within my head, while I took deep, steady breaths. I jumped out of my skin when I heard the bell ring, I sighed, running my hands through my cropped hair, trying, in vain, to calm my nerves. I started to shuffle my books around, trying to busy my mind.

"Good afternoon class," Mr. Gideon began. "Well, I hope all of you are doing well with the thesis paper, remember it's due in two weeks time. And if you have any questions please feel free to see me. Anyway, today we shall be starting Shakespeare. But before we go onto reading the play, Romeo and Juliet, I wanted to take a look at the main concept of the play; undying love." He went on to write 'love' on the bored. I almost groaned out load. Why? "What is undying love?" He asked, clasping his hands behind his back, as he started to pace the front of the class room. "Is there really a way to define it? Or is it one of those things that no one else can define but you? Jack what is your definition of undying love?" Mr. Gideon asked, throwing the small ball that he uses to signifies who can talk at the moment. I looked over to Jack who looks like he's a deer caught in headlights. He had chestnut brown hair, blue eyes and he still has a baby face but with a football players body so, somewhere in that, it all evens out.

"Well, um, it's love that will never die. Even if the people do…" He said, uncertainty lacing his words.

"Alright." Mr. Gideon said. Jack sighed in relief before he chucked the ball back to Mr. Gideon. "Remember guys, there is no right or wrong answer with this question. Now, with that, Derek what do you say?" He said, chucking the ball to me.

"Well, I can't answer that, Mr. Gideon."

"And why is that?"

"Because, sir, I think there would be no words to describe to be that intensely in love. I think that if you can put the feeling into words, if you can actually convey the emotion into words then you're not in love. You may love the person, yes, but not to the intensity that you'd die for the person. To me, being in love, or undying love as you would you say, is the most intense, indescribable emotion there is. You want to be with that person all the time, when they're hurting, you're hurting, when they're happy, you're happy. You want nothing more than to protect the person from the horrors of the world. And you would do anything, be anyone, to make that person happy. That, Mr. Gideon, is undying love, to me." Where the fuck did that come from? Even though, I just completely and utterly pulled that out of my ass, I must say, it's the truth.

"Very good, Derek." Mr. Gideon smiled. I let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding and threw the ball back.

The rest of class went by without a hitch, Mr. Gideon announced that he'll be casting the roles for Romeo and Juliet next class, but that was the least of my worries. Slowly, I made my way to the Media center, doing everything within my powers to calm my nerves. It felt as if I was about to have a panic attack.

I walked towards our usual table and my breath hitched when I saw him there, reading a book, just like all the other times.

"Um, hi." I said awkwardly as I took my seat. He took a quick glimpse up,

"Hello." He replied with a court nod, quickly returning back to his book.

"H-How was your day?" I asked as I put my bag down onto the ground.

"Fine. Yours?"

"It was o-okay, I guess."

"How far along are you in your paper?"

"5 pages."

"Good, right were you're suppose to be. Now did you chose the picture you're gonna analyze yet?"

"Yea," I said, handing the picture to him. He took the picture and a small smile graced his lips.

"One of my favorite. 'Prometheus loved man more then the Olympians," He started, closing his eyes and losing himself within the facts. "Who had banished most of his family to Tartarus. So when Zeus decreed that man must present a portion of each animal they scarified to the gods Prometheus decided to trick Zeus. He created two piles, one with the bones wrapped in juicy fat, the other with the good meat hidden in the hide. He then bade Zeus to pick. Zeus picked the bones. Since he had given his word Zeus had to accept that as his share for future sacrifices. In his anger over the trick he took fire away from man. However, Prometheus lit a torch from the sun and brought it back again to man. Zeus was enraged that man again had fire. He decided to inflict a terrible punishment on both man and Prometheus.'" I gaped at him for a moment. "What?"

"S-Sorry, still trying to get use to the whole 'recite everything word-for-word' thing." I replied sheepishly. He looked down, a blush rising in his cheeks.

"U-Um, yea, sorry."

"No worries, I kinda like it…" I said nonchalantly. His head snapped up, looking at me as if he's trying to figure something up. I felt like I was gonna crumble under his gaze but then he snapped out of it, clearing his throat.

"Well, um, let's get started, shall we?"