When Boy Meets Boy

Spencer and I walked back to our cars in silence, the only sound being emitted between us was our shallow breathing and our feet clashing against the pavement in sync. When we made it to his car, a wave a panic rushed over me, I knew if I didn't say something now, I never would.

"Spencer?" I asked right as he was getting into his car. He turned to look at me,

"Yea?"

"Look," I sighed. "About Saturda-"

"No, Derek, it's okay. I get it." He said, cutting me off and trying to get in the car again. He turned back to the car to unlock his door when I panicked…again. Swiftly, I turned him around, pushed him gently against the car, putting my hands on either side of his head, resting my body against his.

"No, no you don't. Look, Spencer, I don't know what I'm doing here. I go my whole life thinking I'm straight, and then you walk in and change all of that... I was kind of freaking out. Right now, I'm not sure about anything, for the most part. I'm confused, I'm tired, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna screw something up. But, I am sure of this, and only this, when I kissed you, for those brief few moments, everything made sense. And even though I'm not a very smart man, I know that has to mean something, right? And I can't just ignore that. I could try, but it won't work , I'm not going to. Spencer, I know I messed up, I freaked out on you when you did nothing wrong. And I'm so sorry for that. And I was hoping that out of the kindness of your heart, ya' might, ya' know, give me a second chance." When I finished, my breaths were coming out in short pants, I felt Spencer trembling beneath me, obviously shell shocked. He refused to meet my eyes, looking straight ahead, rigid. I felt my heart sinking, obviously I've lost my chance. I sighed, and let my head drop, suddenly I had no energy left. "Okay, I have my answer." I murmured, turning around to walk to my car. All of sudden, I heard Spencer's voice,

"I have trust issues, I have abandonment issues, too, and I ramble when I'm nervous. I spurt out random facts about only God knows what, I'd rather sit home and read a book then be out doing something social; probably because I'm socially inadequate. I'm bound to screw this up, and I'm bound to push you away, more times than I'd like to admit. There is more than a good chance that this will blow up in our faces, leaving one, or both, of us hurt. I'm scared. Scared of this, scared of what I'm feeling but, I like you. I like you so much that it hurts. I want to try this-whatever this is, I want it." I felt my heart beating in my chest erratically, without thinking, I threaded my fingers through his hair and crashed our lips together. At first it, it was messy; teeth, noses, and tongue all clashing together. I pushed him against the side of his car, desperate for more. After a moment, we composed ourselves, the kiss became more tamed, but not lacking the same amount of raw passion. My tongue caressed his, earning me a throaty moan. My hands traveled down to his hips, successfully securing him in place. Vaguely, I felt him wrap his arms around my neck, bringing out bodies impossible closer. Too soon, my lungs ached for air, forcing us to part. However, I didn't give up contact so easily, I went straight for his neck. Alternating between sucking, biting, and licking the flushed skin. I heard his shallow breathing and felt him trembling underneath my body. He let out another breathy moan, gripping onto my neck harder.

"D-Derek," he gasped.

"Mmm?" I mumbled against his neck, never stopping my ministrations.

"W-We need to s-stop. S-Someone could see u-us." Crap. He's right. We're in the middle of a fucking parking lot at school. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck-ity fuck. I stepped back cautiously, slowly looking around the area, looking for a sign of someone-anyone. Sighing slight, I forced myself to calm down. It was late, most of the students have already left.

"Y-You're right. I-I'm sorry," I croaked out, my voice straining.

"H-Hey," he said softly, gently putting his hand to my cheek subconsciously, I leaned into the comforting touch. "Don't worry, no one saw us. Just breathe, Derek." Breathe. Yea, I can do that. I took deep, calming breathes, trying to get my nerves under control. After a few breaths, I finally found the audacity to meet his gaze. I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw the amount of….love within his gaze. But, it wasn't scary, intense love. No, this was much better; this was gentle love. "Better?" He asked, softly caressing my cheek. Mutely, I nodded, not trusting my voice at the moment. I cleared my throat,

"D-Do ya', um, wanna…talk?" I asked, my nerves obviously getting the best of me.

"Yea, I think that'd be a good idea." So, he's the calm one and I'm the one freaking out? Oh, joy.

We found ourselves sitting on my bed, sitting Indian style, facing each other. We were both lost in our thoughts for a moment, trying to grasp the situation at hand. The car ride over was silent, no unbearably so, but silent nonetheless.

"What now?" I was suddenly drawn back to the real world by his sudden question.

"What?"

"What now?" He repeated. "Derek, what is this-what are we? Where do we go from here? I don't really know what I'm doing here." He said, desperately, almost.

"Spen-" I cut myself off, trying to gather up my thoughts. I met his gaze, looking deep into his doe eyes. Something within my heart clenched-ached, almost. "Spencer," I started again, my breathing shallow to my own ears. "To be honest, I have no fucking clue. All my life, I thought I was straight. I mean, yea, I wasn't interested in anyone but I just thought that was because the girls around here just suck. T-Then I met you, and it was like, I don't know, eye opening. Spencer," I sighed, trying to think of the right words. "I-I'm gay but I think you already figured that one out. But, I-I can't come out-not yet, at least. I'm still trying to process all of this, trying to make some sense of this. But, Spencer, the only thing that does make sense to me is that, I like you. I like you a lot. And I don't wanna let that go so easily." When I was finished with my mini rant, I let out a long breath. I gawked waiting for Spencer's reaction, trying to find an answer-to find anything. After a few excruciating moments, he finally spoke.

"Derek, I've known I was gay since I was 13. When all the guys in my class had crushes on models and actresses, I had a crush on Kirk from Star Trek. I think I always knew I was different, and not just because they offered for me to go to high school before I was 10." I let out a weak laugh. "I didn't go announcing it to the whole world. I mean, who was I going to tell? I really didn't have friends as a kid, hell, I don't really have all that many friends now. But, I told my mom and if you asked me, I wouldn't lie. But," He said, maneuvering his body closer to mine, I felt my breath hitch at the close proximity. "I know I like you too and I get it, you need time. And, if you let me, I'll be there with you every step of the way." He said softly. I closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth radiating off his body.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and stared down at our hands. Subconsciously, my hand found his, interlocking our fingers lightly. I just started at our hands, amazed at how right it looked, and felt. When I looked into his eyes, I saw he was staring at our interlocked hands, too. A look of awe upon his face. Using my free hand, I put two fingers under his chin, gently forcing him to look me in the eyes. I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw the amount of emotion that his gaze held. I felt myself being drawn to him, like a magnet that neither of us could control. Finally, our lip touched but, this time it wasn't rushed, and lust crazed like our last one. No, this one was slow and sweet. Lazily, I moved my lips against his, relishing in the contact. Softly, I swiped my tongue against his bottom lip, asking for access. Instantly, he parted his lips and I let my tongue direct itself into his hot, awaiting mouth. Instantly, our tongues found each other, fighting for dominance. Quickly, I won that battle but he didn't seem too broken up about it. I threaded my fingers through his hair, gently massaging his scalp. I was satisfied by the throat moan he let out. Gently, I lowered his body onto the bed, placing my free hand securely on his narrow hip. We laid down together, lazily getting lost in each other's touch. Too soon, my lungs ached for air, forcing me to part. We were both gasping as I laid my forehead upon his. I got lost into his big, brown, doe eyes, I felt as if all my cares slipped away. I closed my eyes, getting lost within the calmness I felt, something I haven't felt in a long, long time.

Deep down within my, somewhere in the depths of my heart and soul, I knew this was start of something great.