I'll Be Waiting up Counting the Stars

"Alex, will you just tell me what the fuck I did?" I yelled as I followed my sister through her house, ending up in the kitchen where she was preparing her dinner.

Janie had been ignoring me all week. First, I thought maybe she was just busy, but then I knew something was up after a few days. I tried sending her flowers again, but even that failed.

"It's not my place to tell you." She repeated for the third time as she kept cutting vegetables.

"You're really starting to piss me off." I huffed as I leaned against the door frame.

"Yeah, well I'm sorry. Look, I know you like her but you should try to move on. You guys aren't right for each other and it's good you found it out early before you started having deeper-"

"I'm in love with her!" I interrupted.

"What?" She asked.

"I'm fucking in love with Janie. Every second she hasn't been with me since I met her I've missed her. I feel light headed and stupid around her. I want to be with her all the time. I'd rather sit on a couch talking to her, than go out and get drunk. I wrote songs for her and I miss her, Alex. I fucking miss her. I've never missed a girl in my life, but I fucking need her. I know I can love her and make her happy. I just need a chance." I cried.

I said it. I admitted it to myself and my sister. I love her. I love Janie Carter.

I'm in love with Janie Carter.

"Austin..." She started. "You need to tell her that. Are you willing to do anything to make her happy?"

"Yes! I'll run across the country to buy her tampons if I have to! I don't give a shit, I just want her back." I exclaimed.

"Tell her. I'm sure things will be okay if you go tell her." She smiled reassuringly.

"Really?" I asked, surprised by her sudden change of heart.

"If you're willing to do anything, and I mean anything for her, then you'll be just fine." She told me.

"Should I go now?" I asked.

"What time is it?"

"It's almost six." I answered.

"Go get her." She grinned.

I drove straight to her house, speeding the whole way. This past week I couldn't think of anything but her. I was so upset she'd been ignoring me the whole week that I didn't know what to do. I tried calling her even at work, but she'd send me to voicemail. Fuck caller ID. I missed the way I felt when I was with her. I missed holding her hand and kissing her. I wanted to make her happy and she was happy when she was with me.

I'll admit, it wasn't all about her happiness. I wanted to be happy too. I want to show her off to all my friends, I want her to come on the road with me, I want her to move in with me and maybe go on some sweet vacation. I want to do it all with her.

I pulled up outside her house and looked to the door. I started getting nervous as I thought about what I would say to her and how she would react, and why she was even mad in the first place.

Once I ran through things in my head a few times, I got out of my car and jogged up to her door.

Janie

I went home that night and cried myself to sleep. Of course he didn't like kids. He drank and smoked and played in a band. What did I expect?

I was so stupid to think that someone like him would accept me. There are hundreds of girls who would gladly go out with him, so why would he choose the single mom?

Jack kept asking me why I was sad. I thought I was hiding it well, but I guess I wasn't. I felt bad for being so disconnected, but I couldn't help it. It was so hard for me to stay focused at work and at home. I was falling behind on paper work, and I hadn't cooked a real meal in days. I couldn't sleep, even television couldn't take my mind off of him.

I talked to Alex about it and she insisted it was for the better. Maybe it was, or maybe she was being a bitch. Both thoughts crossed my mind to be completely honest.

Depressed. I was depressed.

It was like on a roller coaster when you go super high, and then you just drop. I was at the bottom.

I wondered if he would ever find out. Alex wouldn't tell him, and we'd probably never see each other again, unless she had a kid or something. But by then he would be way over me.

I laid on the couch while Jack was sitting on the floor with his American History coloring book that I worked my butt off to find. He was watching a biography on George Washington when the doorbell rang. I was confused because we never got visitors.

"Want me to get it?" Jack asked, looking back at me.

"No, I'll get it." I replied as I stood up and made my way to the door. When I opened it my eyes widened. "Austin..."

"I need to talk to you." He said seriously.

I nodded and stepped onto the front porch, closing the door behind me.

"Janie, this past week I've been going crazy without you. I thought about you every second and it drove me nuts. I wanted nothing more than for you to be in my bed- no, fuck, that sounds bad. I mean, I wanted to be near you and close to you. I want to be able to kiss you whenever I want and God, I love your beautiful face. Every time I see you my heart starts pounding and I get super happy just because I'm with you and-"

"Stop." I interrupted. "Just stop. It won't work out between us."

"Janie, come on! You can trust me, I swear."

"I'm not who you think I am, okay? It'd be better if we just ended it here, Austin."

"But I love you."

"You don't know me."

I was about to turn and walk back inside when he shouted, "Then who the fuck are you?"

I opened my mouth to answer him when the door opened behind me.

"Mama the pizza in the oven is done." Jack stated before eyeing Austin up.

"Okay honey, I'll get it in a second." I told him. He nodded and walked back into the living room.

I closed the front door in preparation for the freak out.

"D-Did he say 'mama'?" Austin asked in a high pitched voice.

"Yeah. That's my son Jack." I answered with a sigh.

"You...and he's your...you're a mom?" He stuttered nervously.

"Yes." I nodded.

"Janie, I didn't sign up to be a dad. You never fucking told me you had a kid." He stated in a calm voice. The words were like knives in my chest, causing my heart to ache.

"I know. That's why I stopped talking to you. We're a packaged deal and I get that you don't want that so you're free to go." I said just as calmly.

"O-okay." He nodded before putting his hands in his pockets and walking away.

I walked back inside and took the pizza out of the oven before it was ruined and placed it on the cutting board to let it cool.

I leaned against the counter rubbing my temples, trying to keep the tears from spilling out of my eyes. All the pressure was giving me a headache.

"Mama who was that?" I heard Jack ask as he climbed up on the counter next to me.

"That was nobody, sweetheart." I replied.

"Well nobody is back." He told me.

Sure enough, his car was parked out front and he was storming up the sidewalk. I met him on the porch again, but before I could speak he kissed me hard on the lips. I gave in for a second, before pushing him away.

"Go away." I said softly with his hands still on my waist.

"No, I'm sorry Janie. I was so wrong. I didn't mean it, I was just surprised by him and I really do love you and if you're a packaged deal then I'll love him too. I swear to God, I'll do whatever it takes." He begged.

I looked up into his eyes and they told me he was as serious as his words.

"No." I finally said.

"What?" He asked.

"No. I can't let you into his life unless I know you're going to be there for him. You can go ahead and hurt me, but I won't let you break his heart." I told him forcefully, even surprising myself.

"I won't go back on my word! I promise!" He cried.

"I'm sorry, but you'll find somebody else." I said before turning to go back inside.

"Let me tell you something, I don't think I could ever feel the way with another girl that I feel with you, darlin'." He whispered desperately.

I bit my lip and walked inside. I closed the door behind me and walked to the kitchen. I glanced out the window and saw him in his car pounding the steering wheel and yelling to himself before he drove off. I either just made a huge mistake, or saved Jack and I a lot of heartache.

"Don't cry, mama."