Shadow of the Swastika

“Kalle…Kalle, wake up,” Terji’s voice reached my ears in a whisper as he gently shook me by the shoulders. It was much too early to wake up. I knew that as much as anyone else in this camp. Blasted Germans. They loved to watch us suffer, and tire out, and get sick, and die.

What I wouldn’t give to have the gun in my hand and have them be the victims.

The two of us had established a plan. Wake up early enough where at least we wouldn’t be screamed at by the Gestapo so we could eat enough breakfast, if enough was provided, to get us through the day, then, as always, work ourselves to the bone until sunset.

Wonderful, isn’t it? I’m being sarcastic, if you couldn’t tell already. That’s not only a plan; it’s a way of life for us now. The majority of us are worked until death, if possible.

I need to escape. I have to escape. Or else I’ll die, too.

When the Gestapo sent to wake us up appeared in the doorway of our cabin, we immediately snapped to attention, standing as still as possible while trying very hard not to tremble and shake underneath his iron gaze. His eyes were like knives. If looks could kill, I’d have died three times already in just these short seconds.

It was hell. Like interrogation.

He had eventually pushed us out the door, hard enough to where I fell to the ground and scraped my knees on the rocks and gravel from the holes in my pants. He huffed before laughing and scolding me for being weak and kicking me in the stomach before walking away.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream and yell and shout and sob and cry out in pain. But I couldn’t. It would only make me an easier target. An easier victim.

Terji helped me up and slipped an arm over my shoulders, guiding me to the mess hall cabin. Gently patting my clothed back, he gave my shoulder a squeeze.

“Don’t let them get to you, Kalle. You can’t.” I met his solemn gaze. “You have me now.”

I let my head rest on his shoulder, breathing in his surprisingly clean scent of cotton and soap. With Terji, I was happy.

“Thank you.”

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“Terji, can you quick hand me that shovel?” I whispered to my companion as I all but tripped upon another dead skeleton-like body, motionless on the ground. Luckily for us, there were rather conveniently placed shovels next to the outhouse that it had been discovered by. While the Gestapo weren’t looking, I would dig a hole and place the body in before re-burying it.

One hour later the dirty deed was done, and the body was placed underground behind a cremation chamber.

This was the closest I had ever been near one of those death traps in the making. I still kept hearing the stories about them from people who had lost family and friends to those killing machines. Literally a human furnace, they call it. The skin on your body will bubble and boil and burn to the point where it just… falls off. It’s not quick enough to be slow, but not slow enough to be quick. Utter pain and anguish. You become one with the smoke and the flame when it’s all over.

My eyes once again found the entrance to the chamber. It was just an open portion of the cylinder. The door was hidden somewhere on the outside. The only way you could tell was by the handle that protruded out from the wall. Almost right away the images of screaming, burning people were burned into my retinas when my eyelids shut. It was as if their cries could effortlessly reach my ears, which I thought were beginning to throb. My head hurt. I felt faint.

I could barely register Terji’s arms catching me and holding me up as my knees nearly gave in and buckled so I sank to the ground. I hardly even noticed him carrying me back to the bunkhouse.

“Stay strong, Kalle,” he ushered, setting me down and once more helping me to my feet. “This isn’t even the worst of what will happen. Think of the words you told me that day, remember?”

He turned me around and tilted my chin up so I met his gentle gaze. My eyes were glossy and my face felt hot and pale. Still, he took my face in his calloused hands. “You want to escape. You want to be someone that can get through this and make it out alive. That’s what you said. You promised yourself that. You can’t let go of that dream, Kalle.”

I had told him that. I kept telling him that I wanted to get out of here and live the rest of my life differently than this. This wasn’t where I belonged.

Since the day we met, Terji had always been there for me, just as I had done the same for him. I would no longer let go of my dream. Or his.

I suddenly remembered the position we were in.

He was still holding my face.

Leaning against his fingers, I closed my eyes, tilted my head slightly, leaned forward, and pressed my lips to his.

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