Love is a Beautiful Drug

“I can’t believe we’re here again.” Brendon said, looking out to where the ocean line met the sky.

“Yeah, it’s been a while.” Ryan said, sitting down in the sand.

“Isn’t it funny that we run into each other in this town of all towns?” Brendon responded, sitting down next to him.

“Yeah, who would have thought.” Ryan mumbled, drawing circles in the sand.

“So why did you bring me here exactly?” Brendon asked, trying to hard not to stare at the tall boy sitting next to him.

“Oh, you know. Just figured it be a nice place to get away from people and catch up and stuff.”

But we can do that at a coffee shop. We’re at myrtle beach, the place where we first made love back when things were good between us. Back when we were happy. Brendon thought to himself, but didn’t have the courage to say out loud.

Brendon nodded as a response.

“So how have things been?” Ryan asked, voice filling the air.

“Uh, you know. Touring has been fun. A lot of good times,” But I still miss you.

“Oh yeah? I heard that you had a little too much fun one night. Fun that involved the removal of clothes.” Ryan mumbled in his low monotone voice, carrying a smirk.

Brendon laughed and looked down at his lap.

“You heard about that huh? Yeah, I a little too much to drink back stage, and uh, well, yeah. Should have known it’d be all over the internet.”

Ryan laughed too. “I couldn’t believe it when I first heard it. Then someone showed me a video, and... well, I guess I’m actually not all that surprised. You never were shy on stage. I never thought you’d go that far though.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t exactly in my right mind.” Brendon said with an amused look on his face. “So how have things with you been since you got back?”

“Good. I’ve just been hanging around and catching up with old friends. Greenwald and I have been working on music together just for fun and stuff. I was thinking of maybe starting a solo album.” he said, sifting the sand with his fingers.

“That’s great! I can’t wait to see what you come up with.” Brendon said with a smile.

“Yeah.” Ryan said, letting the conversation flow into an awkward silence.

“I’ve missed you.” Brendon said, finding the courage somewhere in the back of his mind. “Ian and Dallon are great and everything, but it’s not really the same without you up there.” Brendon mumbled, not daring to look at Ryan, sparing himself the reaction.

There was a long awkward silence that nearly killed Brendon before Ryan spoke again.

“I guess, sometimes, when I’m alone and I’ve been working all day, I kind of miss the old times. Back when we were young and carefree. And I miss you and Spencer. When we first split, I didn’t want to admit it, but I really missed you guys. So I do miss you, but...”

“Not enough to come back.” Brendon finished, looking back out to the sea.

Ryan sighed. “No, I just... I think I just need to work on something that’s all my own you know? I guess vent some of my ideas that no one else was really on board with in Panic! or The Young Veins.”

Brendon nodded again, understanding.

“So you missed me then?” Brendon teased.

Ryan smiled. More then you know. He thought.

“Isn’t it weird being here again?” Brendon asked, wondering if the same thoughts and memories were running through Ryan’s mind as well.

“It brings back a lot of memories.” Ryan replied vaguely.

“Ryan, I...” Brendon trailed off, not really wanting to finish in fear of rejection or ruining the moment.

“What is it?” Ryan asked, though, knowing Brendon as well as he did, and considering the situation and where they were, he’s sure he knows just the words that are lurking on the back of Brendon’s tongue.

“I...” he trailed off again. “I still love you Ryan.”

There was another painful silence before Ryan spoke.

“Thing’s have changed.” He finally muttered.

Brendon scoffed as his heart fell into his stomach. “Great. Just quote our own fucking songs at me then. I should have figured you-”

“But no matter how hard I try not to.” Ryan interrupted. “I still love you too. I really still fucking love you.”

Brendon’s posture went from to defensive to relaxed as he felt like he was going to melt into a puddle on the beach.

He still loves me too

Brendon placed his hand on top of Ryan’s and looked over at him. He was staring down at the sand.

“Ryan... I wish things could go back to they way they were. We used to be so happy.”

Ryan nodded before unexpectedly and abruptly turning and grabbing Brendon’s face and crashing their lips together. Brendon was surprised, but nonetheless responded almost immedietly, moving his lips against the older boy’s.

Brendon brought his hands up to Ryan’s shoulders and gently pushed him down on his back without breaking the kiss. The kiss remained innocent, then Brendon pulled away and looked down at Ryan. Both of their faces were flushed, and both of their lips were swollen.

Brendon then pushed himself off of Ryan and sat up, hugging his knees to his chest.

Ryan sat up too, sensing something was wrong, then took in Brendon. He only sat as so when there was something wrong, Ryan recalls from the seldom times he’s seen Brendon upset over something.

“Brendon... I’m sorry.” he said. “I shouldn’t have...” he trailed off, though he could still taste Brendon on his lips. He hadn’t gotten that much feeling from a kiss in years, and it brought back all those suppressed feelings he still had for his former lover.

“No.. It’s okay I just...” Brendon trailed off too, trying to think of a way to form his thoughts. “I really wanted to kiss you, but I’m just afraid it’s going to be so much harder when you leave. And we go forever without seeing each other.”

Ryan sighed. “Well I’m going to be working on my new album in LA soon, and I take it you’re taking a break from touring? I’m bound to see you more...”

Brendon’s eyes widened. “You mean it?”

Ryan smiled. “I think it’s time we did ourselves and the world a favor and got back together.”

Brendon was smiling so hard he thought his face was going to break, and he thought he could cry from happiness. From just those simple words.

He then excitedly threw his arms around Ryans thin frame, knocking him over into the sand again.

“Are you really serious?” Brendon asked looking down at him.

Ryan all but nodded.

Then Brendon leaned down and pressed his lips to the boy’s beneath him, finally feeling at peace with the world.