We Only Breathe For So Long.

Thumbs twiddling, eyes roaming everywhere, leg shaking and the constant biting of her lip signalled one thing; nerves.

After that phone call, her nerves were at an all-time high, she was fidgety, she would constantly tap her fingers against her thighs or even bit her lip to the point where she could taste the blood.

Now, returning back to the doctors for what could possibly be the worst news set her nerves sky high – she knew it was going to be bad - she just didn’t want to admit it.

She had been waiting here for 10 minutes and she was already wanting to just leave this place altogether.

“Charlotte Oh?”

Her mother, gave her a small smile and a pat on the hand as they follow the doctor into the room.

She has always hated these rooms, the pure white walls, the plain white coats – they needed colour in their lives, brighten things up, not make people – like Charlotte – even more afraid of doctors or at least a bit weary of them.

“It’s been a while since you’ve come in for something other then a check-up Charlotte and I know this seems really sudden, but I had to bring you in.” She closed her eyes, Doctor Hunter continuing on with his words, “I know this is going to be hard,” no you don’t “and I know you want to try and live on normally,” damn right I do, “but it’s best if we get you put you back on –“

“No.”

She hadn’t even realized that it was her voice that had said the word so strongly, until she felt her mother and the doctors’ eyes on her.

“Sweetie?”

“I-I uh,” she cleared her raspy throat, “I-I don’t want the medication o-or any of it.”

Her mother looked over at her daughter flabbergasted, “Excuse her today Doctor, but we will continue on with –“

“No.” Charlotte cut her off with a shake of her head, “I can’t do it anymore mom, you saw how bad it was last time, I-I can’t do it again, I can’t go through that again.” The tears were beginning to build up in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.

“But sweetie –“

“Doctor, I won’t be needing any of the medication or any of the treatments, or whatever you were going to put me on. I-I want to fight this myself. I need too.”

“Charlotte,” The doctor sighed, “I advise you not to do this, it can –“

“I’ve made my decision.” Charlotte stated firmly, ignoring her mother who beside her let out a small noise.

The doctor grudgingly nodded his head and before her mother could even get up, Charlotte was out the door, the tears finally falling down her cheeks.



“Hey Char.” John greeted her the next day in their second class of Literature waiting for their teacher to show up.

She looked over to him with a small smile, greeting him with a nod.

Ever since the news that she had received yesterday, her head was all over the place, thoughts ran through her mind and she was off in her own world again.

She knew what the risks of not seeking treatments were, she just wanted to live the rest of her life not locked down, besides –she had done that for the past year and a half.

She wanted to live, she wanted to be free and being confined to her house like she had been, was pure torture for her.

“I-Is everything alright?” John asked after gathering up a bit of courage to confront her.

She looked over to him, the question catching her off guard, “U-Um, yeah…yeah, I am.” She threw in a smile just to convince him.

But for some reason, John could see right through that.

“Are you sure…I mean, it just…it kind of seems like something is wrong,” he bit his lip, waiting for a response, “i-if it’s Garrett, I can talk to him, what he did wasn’t –“

“No, no, no!” She exclaimed, “It has nothing to do with him, I –he hasn’t talked to me and I –he…I’m fine John.”

John was about to say something else but Ms. Braise showed up.

“So, I’d like for you to carry on with your assignments and tomorrow I’d like for a small recap on what you have learnt about your partner.” With a wave of her hand, the class was filled with small chatters.

“So…Char, did you want to catch up after school?” He turned towards her, the curtain of her dark hair covering all emotions, “there isn’t any band practice.” He quickly added.

When he noticed she wasn’t even paying attention to one word he had said, he gently tapped her on the shoulder, “Char?” He cautiously said.

She jumped a bit at the tap, “W-What? Sorry, d-did you say something?” She crinkled her nose.

“U-Um yeah, did you want to catch up after school?” He scratched the back of his neck, he couldn’t believe how awkward this was for him, to talk to a girl.

“Um, yeah sure, m-meet in the parking lot again?”

“Yeah…sure.” He replied.

And besides the talk that was going on around them, not a word was shared between the two.



The rest of the day passed by quickly for Charlotte, the voices around her, the work given to her –she took no notice of it.

Once Charlotte was in her own world, she would rarely come out of it, in her quiet state barely anyone noticed her.

The teachers took no notice of her, the students paid no attention to her, no-one noticed her.

Only one person did.

And seeing her in the state she was in, he blamed it on the one person who he thought would have any reason to do with her current state.

So what did John do? He confronted the problem.

“What have you been saying to her?” He didn’t realize until that moment how angry he was with the blue eyed boy.

“What do you mean man? What the fuck are you on about?” Garrett was a bit taken back at the sudden attack by John at lunch in the empty hallways.

John scoffed, “You know exactly what I’m on about, don’t fucking play dumb.”

“You’re not exactly saying what the fuck you mean. I can’t fucking read your mind.” Garrett growled back.

“What did you say to Char –Charlotte.” he quickly corrected.

“I haven’t said anything to the fucking whore.”

In his moment of anger, he pushed the blue eyed boy.

“What the fuck man!?” Garrett exclaimed outraged, pushing John back a bit, but John had mistaken it as a sign of retaliation.

“Don’t you fucking dare talk about her like that.” John seethed in Garrett’s face.

“The way you’re saying all this shit,” Garrett smirked, “it sounds as if you’re fucking her. But I’d be careful, last I heard she has an STD.”

And it was those words that pushed John over the edge.

For as long as he had known Garrett, he had never –in his life, imagined that he –John Cornelius O’Callaghan V, thought that he would punch someone.

And when John’s fist connected with Garrett’s face, it wasn’t only Garrett who was shocked, the brunette watched also in shock at the events unfolding.

Unsure of what to do, she stepped forward to try and prevent or stop from anything else happening.

“S-stop you two!” She screamed, pulling John away from Garrett, but before she could pull John away, Garrett had lunged forward socking John to the side of his face.

“Stop! No! No more!” She screamed, continuing to try and pull John away.

But John was having none of it, he stepped out of reach of the girl, dodging the weak punch Garrett had aimed at him, hitting his right eye.

“Fuck!” Garrett screamed in pain, holding his eye.

“John, p-please stop.” She pleaded, pulling on the sleeve of his jacket.

John looked at Garrett, writhing in pain, John was about to feel sorry for him, but Garrett was too quick, aiming to punch John only to end up hitting the brunette who had stepped in to stop the fighting.

She stepped back at the blow to her right upper cheek, her hand instantly raising to where the damage was done.

“S-Shit, Char, are you okay? I’m so sorry, I never meant –fuck, just –l-lets go.” He frantically ran a hand through his hair, pulling the girl into him, not once looking back at the boy who stared at the two in bewilderment.

John pulled the girl towards his beat up truck, buckling her up before hopping into the drivers seat.

They both sat in silence, John still panting slightly at the sudden events.

She was scared to look over at him, but when she did, she watched as he put his head in his hands.

And she knew that they were both thinking that what had just happened –what had just occurred was something that was not going to be able to be fixed with Band-aids and lollipops.

It was much bigger then all of them.