We Only Breathe For So Long.

Charlotte watched as he gripped the steering wheel, afraid as his knuckles began to turn white, but daring not to say a word—she was almost at the point of being afraid to breathe in case he lashes out, she understood he just needed silence.

She continued to gaze out the window, unsure of where they were going but letting him drive, quietly listening to the CD he had playing.

She sat there waiting and waiting for John to speak up at least, it had been almost half an hour since they had left all the mess behind and she couldn’t help but feel anxious, sitting in the same car as John she wondered what was going through his head.

The situation that had presented itself out of nowhere was more then she could handle, after finding out news just last night that was cutting everything short for her—the events of today made her day just that much more worse.

“C-Char,” she heard John sigh, realizing that they had stopped, the view before them of a beach she hadn’t seen before, “what happened back there—i-it should have never happened with Gar..” she watched as his knuckles tightened around the steering wheel, his eyes shut tight.

“John,” she cautiously approached, gently placing a hand on top of his white knuckles, “John.” She repeated as his eyes turned towards her and she saw the sympathy and…hurt in them.

“C’mon, l-let’s just go to the beach—I mean we’re here anyways, so let’s just go.” She offered a small smile at him, he simply replied with a small nod as they both headed down to the beach.

It had been a long time since she had been to a beach and being here now, the smell of the ocean at her fingertips, the ocean waves washing up against her toes, it was comforting and being here with someone besides her mom for the first time—it was nice. It felt nice.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been to a beach...at all.” She admitted to the boy next to her, eyes closed, his focused on the ocean before them, “I’ve always been…busy, off doing everything else and, i-it just feels nice y’know? To come out here and get away from everything, even if it’s with you.” She nudged him, chuckling, he only slightly smiling.

“H-How are you so calm about everything?” He sighed, searching her face for answers.

“I-It’s a long story John.” She replied.

“I have all the time in the world for it Char…” He exclaimed, “I mean fuck, I just punched one of my best friends in the face! And he—he hit you, I-I just need some answers Char. I barely even know you or anything about you a-and here I am trying to protect you from someone I’ve known for…however long.” He ran a hand through his hair, pacing before her now.

“Well don’t.” She whispered.

“What do you mean don’t? Don’t care? Don’t try to fucking stop what just happened? D-Don’t acknowledge it happened? What Charlotte?” He threw his arms in the air, frustrated with the lack of explanation she was giving him.

“Don’t try and p-protect me, just…let it be.”

“Why? So he can do it again! Fuck, i-it’s just wrong what he did and you expect me to let it be, I don’t care who it is, but I was taught to never, ever let a man hit a woman, no matter what I know or don’t know.” He now stood in front of her but she didn’t look up, only staring down at her feet.

“I-It’s not your problem John…” Her voice growing weak.

Usually she would never be one to cry in front of strangers, but she could feel the tears threatening behind her lids.

“When one of my friends is involved and he hits a girl, it becomes my fucking problem.” His words struck a nerve in her, here he was—a stranger to her, trying to involve himself in a problem that had nothing to do with him in the first place.

“You don’t have to get involved John, it was never your problem to begin with. It was between your friend and me, never you John.” The tears had finally leaked, but she wasn’t upset—she was angry, she was tired and she was frustrated.

“But you’re just letting it happen Charlotte, it’s like you want him t-to fucking hit you!” He shouted back, immediately regretting his words, “I-I didn’t mean it like that Char, I—“

“No John, you just—don’t,” she closed her eyes, trying to calm the sudden emotions in her, stepping away as he tried to grab for her, “this is something bigger then you and me John, i-it involves money and affairs, not you. S-So please, for the sake of yourself, j-just don’t get involved.” She answered, opening her eyes and staring up at his sorrowful eyes.

“But Char—“

“Just leave it John, please.” She almost pleaded for him, he paused for a moment before he reluctantly nodded.

“Now,” she started with a sly smirk, “isn’t the whole point of coming to a beach to get wet?” He looked up at her confused, before his eyes went wide, her arms reaching to push him back into the water.

“Charlotte!” He exclaimed, chuckling nevertheless at the smaller girl.

She laughed as a wave crashed over him making him tumble over in the midst of the water, “You think that’s funny?” He smirked up at her, her eyes widened in realization of what he was about to do.

“J-John, don’t you—“ He scooped a handful of water before wetting her, “John!” she exclaimed at the coldness.

She retaliated by pitching some more water back at him and just like that; all that had happened before had been forgotten.



“Can I please get a chocolate fudge with mango, with sprinkles on top please.” She listed to the young female.

After the beach, all had been forgotten; mention of ice cream was made and so John suggested a local ice cream parlour, to which she of course agreed.

“Really? Chocolate fudge with mango and sprinkles?” He looked over at her with a smirk.

“What?” She laughed, “there is nothing wrong with that mix!” She threw her hands up.

“Okay, okay.” He chuckled, his hands up in defense, “Uh—can I get the managers special, thanks.”

She scoffed at his order as they both moved to the side, waiting for their orders.

“What?” He looked over at her.

“Managers special? Really?” She teased.

“Hey! It’s better than ordering chocolate fudge with mango, what kind of a mix is that?” He taunted.

“Oh please, I like to be unique.” She stuck her nose up at her with a small ’hmph’ which he laughed at.

“Here is the chocolate fudge with mango and sprinkles.” The female spoke up, handing over the ice cream cone, both John and Charlotte noticing that not only was there very few sprinkles on it, but from what they could see, very small scoops had been put onto the cone.

“Uh, thanks.” Charlotte offered a small smile over at the girl who was too busy trying to impress John.

“And here is the managers special.” Charlotte’s eyes widened at the massive scoops of ice cream into a bowl shaped into a boat.

“Thanks.” John stared at the boat unsure of how he was going to conquer it.

“The total of that comes to, $3.50.” The girl spoke up, continuing to look over at John, which made Charlotte feel a bit awkward. The girl was practically undressing John with her eyes.

“Is that separately or…?” John asked, unsure.

“Your one is on the house.” The girl batted her eyelashes at John.

“Um, here.” Charlotte spoke up, handing over the money to the distracted girl, “I’ll uh—go wait over here.” Charlotte added, awkwardly walking out the door to wait outside.

Minutes later John exited with the mountain of ice cream and pink cheeks.

“Why’d you leave me with her?” He groaned.

“What do you mean? She was giving me the evil eye and practically drooling over the sight of you.” Charlotte blushed awkwardly, licking her ice cream that was creeping down the side of the cone.

“That doesn’t mean leave me with her! She tried to get my number..” John groaned, both of them heading over to his the park across the road.

“I didn’t know, I felt awkward just standing there with her practically eating you up with her eyes.” Charlotte laughed.

“It’s not funny!” He pouted, “and how am I meant to eat this—this..mountain of ice cream!” He exclaimed.

Charlotte laughed at his expression, “Eat quickly?” She suggested, taking a bite of her ice cream cone.

“That equals a brain freeze.” He groaned.

“You’re letting it melt John!” She laughed, sitting down on the seat she spotted, underneath a tree.

“At least share it with me, I can’t conquer this on my own.” He looked over at her, sitting down next to her.

“There’s only one spoon John, just eat it quickly.”

“Please? It’s not like I have ’boy cooties’.”

“No,” she took the spoon from his hand, taking a scoop of ice cream and eating it, “you have John cooties.” She said after swallowing the ice cream, laughing.

“Please, eat up, cause you’re helping me eat it.” He smiled.

They sat there, conversation continuing and eating the rest of the ice cream before they headed back to car.



They pulled up into her drive way as an awkward silence took over.

“Um, thanks John—y’know for the ride and all and ditching…” She looked over at him.

“Sure, uh—no problem, it was fun.” He offered a smile.

“It was,” she agreed, “well, I’ll see you—um tomorrow? Yeah.” She awkwardly finished.

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow Char.” He replied.

She reached for the door handle before he spoke up again, “A-Are you free tomorrow? I’m having this get-together at mine, parents are going away and I’ll—well I was wondering if you’ll go?”

She looked over at him in shock, “A-A party, do you mean?”

“Well,” He chuckled nervously, “pretty much, yeah.”

“I do-don’t really do parties, not my scene.” She shrugged.

“Oh.” He replied, she could see the disappointment as his shoulders hunched over.

“B-but I might make an appearance, I’ll—uh see what I’m doing tomorrow?” She offered.

“Really?” He beamed, “Great! Uh, I’ll see you tomorrow Char then.”

She gave him one last smile and small wave before hopping out of the truck, watching as he drove away.

The smile wouldn’t leave her face as she walked into her house and that was when it hit her.

No matter how much she could try to fix it and pretend it wasn’t there, it would always be lurking in the back of her head. She could keep pushing back the thoughts, but she couldn’t ignore it.

When she had started up school again, she had promised, vowed to herself she wouldn’t get attached to anyone because she knew that deep down, it would only end in ruins.

But for the first time in her life, she had a friend, someone she felt comfortable around, someone she could confide with and it may have been strange to her that he was a guy—but he was someone.

She knew though, deep down that he shouldn’t be a friend, let alone someone she felt comfortable.

She had made a promise to herself and she needed to keep it.