Already Dead Inside

It was lunchtime and most people in the college were either off site or some were even at home; Damien's death affected them more than others.

Some were probably playing to it so they could get the day off. They don't know that my want to get to know him brought them this second day off.

They'd never truly appreciate what I did for them.

Gerard hadn't wanted me to go to college today but he didn't get that I needed to be in college. Nothing he said worked with keeping me at the flat; nothing would keep me from spending time with Mr. Moore. After all, he's my teacher, such a teacher that exists within the college.

Funnily enough, the same one that failed me on my writing assessment.

Oh, I think he'd love all this time I'm going to dedicate to him.

Well, at least I hope he does. I'm going to enjoy it, just like I enjoyed spending time and getting to know Damien. I got him known well, maybe I can get Mr. Moore known well to me.

No one was in his room when I got there, not even himself. So I walked into the room and started to walk around it slowly, my eyes skimming over everything in the room.

It was just the same old in the room; his desk, desks for students and cabinets and drawers around the sides for storage for him.

There wasn't much that the room held which did have me start wondering. But I couldn't continue wondering because after circling the room once, Mr. Moore came into the room. He looked a bit startled that I was waiting for him, and that made me smile.

“Hello Michael, what do I owe this pleasure of your visit?” he asked, closing the door behind him before going over to his desk and sitting down on his chair

It makes me smile more over the fact that he wants to get to know me just as much as I want to get to know him. He shut the door, it means he must want to stay in the room and get to know me.

“I was wondering whether you could help me with something,” I said, walking around the room again. My eyes flicked from one object to another as I went.

Getting to know him was going to be a surprise, but I didn't want the surprise to be too loud.

Gerard doesn't understand too well about how I need to get to know him and if he makes a noise and people come and check on our little 'get to know each other' meeting then Gerard might never know.

And I want him to know because he's my brother and I love him.

“Oh, what do you need my help with?” he bent down, presumably to reach by his foot for something.

There's nothing like little surprise now, is there?

It's not like he'll expect me to be right by his desk when he looks up. It'll be an utmost surprise to him, and before he will be able to utter a word, I'll tell him of the help I need from him.

“W--” his sentence was cut short, like I said. He never got to utter a single word, just the start of a word.

Mr. Moore's wide eyes stared at me as I smiled down at him. It wasn't like he could look down or anything, my hand was stopping him.

“I need your help by getting to know you,” my voice dropped down to an excited whisper as I said the last word. “I'm so glad that today's that day.”

My hand twisted slightly before slowly withdrawing itself from Mr. Moore. And as soon as it was drawn away his hands flew up to around his neck trying to cover up the hole that my knife made in his neck.

Straight away I could see his hands were becoming bloody and with one look down at mine, I could see that mine were bloodied too.

I guess driving a knife into someone's neck makes the blood splatter more than it does when driving it into someone's stomach.

“See? And now you can't talk which means we can get to know each other very well without a single disturbance.”

Mr. Moore fell off his chair, one hand from his neck fell away as he tried to catch himself with it. It looked as if he fell on it a bit painful; his arm didn't look too comfortable behind his back like that.

It's funny, he landed in a nice position for me. His back is to the floor, asides where the hand is between the bottom of his back and the floor. His other hand looks to be almost choking him around his neck.

I feel a frown cover my face over the thought that he doesn't want to spend time with him. He wants to get it over and done with.

That just won't do.

Sighing to myself, I crouched down to his level, seeing his eyes widen a bit more as I got closer to him. “You should really smile,” I told him.

He didn't smile.

It's really rude of him. And I really dislike when he's being rude to me because I'm making all this effort to get to know him. My left arm reached out and gripped the little bit of hair that rested on his head. It was enough to move his head around and bring it closer to me.

“Now, now, you're not smiling. It seems I have to make you smile then.” A smile made its way onto my face as I saw the fear cross his face at a fast pace.

The knife found its way to his face and as if to toy with him, it slowly dragged itself over his cheeks lightly. It was hard enough to draw blood though because that was the whole reason it was attaching itself to his face.

To get to know him through his blood.

My smile grew wider as my hand dragged itself deep into his skin and started tearing along to the left. His blood ran thick and it felt nice as it ran down the handle of the knife.

“I like this smile,” I told him, gazing at the red soaked smile that ran across his mouth. It made him look so happy.

Lightly running my finger over the smile, I shuddered in excitement over how the blood felt beneath my finger tips.

Rubbing the blood between my first finger and middle finger I then brought it up to my mouth and ran it across my tongue, my body shuddering over the tingling of my senses.

Mr. Moore was still laying on the floor, a red smile on his face with his hand still around his neck. His eyes were barely open but I could see they were. And that he was alive.

Grinning even more to myself, I brought the knife to his chest and made a line down his clothed body. It seemed so light, like it hadn't done anything but I knew differently as soon as I noticed the small gap that the cut made in his clothes followed by the sight of red liquid bubbling through the gap.

The bubbling of blood from a cut is something I find intriguing and it's almost better then the fact that I'm getting used to Mr. Moore, just like I did with Damien.

It's an almost shame that I never got to know and spend time with Ray and Frank.

“Can I let you in on a little secret?” I asked Mr. Moore, my eyes glinting with excitement. “I spent time like this with Damien as well. I loved it. Gerard didn't though, he thought I was being careless,” I frowned.

My hand stopped with the knife for a moment as I started thinking more and more about Gerard. “He just doesn't get it,” I told Mr. Moore, my eyes looking back at his face.

Had to make sure he was alive still, couldn't have him loosing his life yet.

“He thinks I won't come home one day; he thinks someone's going to ask me about Damien and the others. He doesn't realise that I will always come home to him,” I sighed before shaking my head from my thoughts.

There was no expression I could read on Mr. Moore except from the smile that I made on his face. See, he understood, it was why the smile stayed on him.

Maybe Gerard needs a smile....

Grinning to myself over that thought, I dug the knife into his chest, taking him off guard. The hand that had been pressed to his throat suddenly fell from there making the red, bloodied hole enter my sight. It made me giggle.

Twisting and turning the knife in his chest, the sight of his life leaving his eyes was something that excited me, even after the three other times I had managed to see it happen.

But I didn't stop there. I couldn't stop there.

The knife dug deeper into his chest, widening the wound before puncturing an organ. A thought entered my mind and my grin stretched across my face as I used my other hand to dig my fingers into the wound, pulling at the skin.

The blood.....it was so soothing. So, so soothing.

After feeling the soothing feel of his blood for a little while longer, I decided to leave him be now.

Standing up, I walked over to the desk where I dumped my bag. Grabbing the hoodie that was laying on the bag, I pulled it over my head before grabbing the bag and walking to the door. Using my sleeve, I opened the door and walked out, remembering to close it with my sleeve behind me before shoving my hands and the knife (all of which were still covered in his blood) in my pockets before walking away from the room.

You couldn't notice the blood on my hoodie because it was a dark colour and only if you were right close by me would you notice something on the hoodie, just maybe not blood.

I had just passed someone in a different hallway when a loud, high pitched scream echoed down the halls.

Someone found Mr. Moore.

I fought to contain the smile I wanted.