Already Dead Inside

I never got to finish Gee's smile.

He didn't want the smile it seemed, which made me kinda sad. I like when Gerard smiles, he looks all happy and everything. I like happy Gee.

Looking at Gerard, I tilted my head to the side and gazed at the half of the smile I made. It looks so nice but it's a shame that it's only one side. It being on both sides would have looked even better.

“Gee?” I asked, tilting my head even more when he flinched at my voice.

I blame Amy.

“Y-yeah Mikey?” he said, turning his head and looking at me. I couldn't see the half smile any more.

“Can we go out?”

He hesitate, his eyes flashed with fear. “W-what Mikey?”

“Can we go to the park Gee? I want to make it up to you,” I told him a smile making its way onto my face. I can't wait to make it up to him; he's gunna love it.

“Make it up to me?” he asked, clearly confused.

I nodded my head.

“H-how....how will you make it up to me Mikey?” he asked, hesitate of asking because it was like he was almost afraid of the answer.

I giggled, “It's a surprise! C'mon Gee, let's go then!”

“What – now? Isn't it a bit late?”

I shook my head before bounding over to him and grabbing his hand, not really giving him the chance to move before I was pulling him up and towards the door.

Gerard needed to see. He needed to see that all I'm doing is spending time with people, being nice to them. That what I'm doing isn't wrong.

He thinks it's wrong.

I know it's not.

It was dark out, and slightly cold, but it didn't bother me. I just kept pulling Gerard along with me, smiling the whole time.

“Mikey....,” he started but stopped himself saying anything else.

I don't know why he did that.

I also don't know why he felt the need to have to lie to me earlier. Doesn't he know I don't lie to him? I'm honest with Gee.

“Mikey what are we doing at the park exactly?” Gerard's voice brought me from my thoughts which made me realise that we were at the park already.

Poor Gee looked cold but I didn't think it was that cold tonight.

“I'm making it up to you Gee, remember?” I smiled.

He looked at me, his eyes staring at me for a while until he looked away and shuddered.

“Y'know Gee, I don't like Amy too much,” I told him after several seconds of silence had past on by.

That got Gerard's attention because his head automatically snapped towards me. “No Mikey, don't touch her. Please Mikey.”

He sounded so pleading, like she actually meant something to him.

And I don't like that about her.

Since Gerard lied to me earlier, what harm will a little lie now from me do?

Not much.

“Okay Gee, I promise. I won't touch her,” I promised him. Doesn't mean the knife won't.

He almost let out a sigh of relief.

“But because I'm promising you that Gee, you have to help me,” I told him which made him pale in the face.

“M-mikey--”

“Help me bring that runner to the river Gee,” when I said that I pointed to the person who was standing by the bench a little way from us. He was tying his shoe lace.

“No Mikey,” he said, his eyes wide.

I sighed,” But Gee, I just promised you. I thought you loved me.”

Gerard looked torn, scared and worried. But I think he got what I meant with the 'I just promised you' phrase because he ended up giving me a defeated nod.

I really, really don't like Amy.

But the promise did make Gerard help bring the runner to the river. They both look as scared as each other but Gee knows I'd never kill him.

Never.

“M-mikey, you don't have to do this,” Gerard said, his eyes shifting between the knife I was gazing at in my hands and the runner who's hands were covering his neck.

Just like what happened with Mr. Moore.

I knew he couldn't make a noise now so I decided that it was the best way to do so.

“Gee, I'm doing this for you,” I told him, a wide smile on my face whilst he just paled significantly more so then he was before.

“Mikey n-” he stopped when I moved the knife so that it sliced into the runner's leg.

He's a runner so it's best to get to know his legs first.

Right?

The knife dug deeper into his leg before sliding all the way up to his hip.

“Oh god,” Gerard gasped almost inaudibly.

I giggled at the blood seeping out of the wound.

And the nice runner didn't say a single word.

My hand dug into the wound and pulled at the skin, the feel of his blood was ever so soothing. Pulling my hand out I then turned to Gerard and showed him it. “Look Gee, it's so pretty and soothing.”

My hand made its way to my mouth and I licked a bit of the blood off, giggling when it tingled my senses. I love it when it does that.

“Mikey....Mikey....please,” Gerard begged, desperation evident in his voice.

I don't think he gets it.

“But it's for you Gee, this is for you,” I told him, nodding and smiling.

Gerard closed his eyes and brought his hands up to his face, almost as if he was trying to hide it from the air.

I shrugged and turned back to the runner before smiling down at him and running the tip of the blade over his fingers.

He had four cuts all joining together on his left hand, and the way the blood was it made it look so pretty.

“Seeing as you don't want your smile Gee, I'm going to give it to him,” I made sure Gerard had lowered his hands before I turned back to the runner and positioned the knife at the corner of his mouth.

Digging the tip deep into his flesh, I drew half a smile before moving over to the other side and repeating the action. And when I finished the smile I licked the knife clean.

The runner wasn't dead, I could see it in his eyes.

Which was good.

I sighed, “All I wanted was for you to smile Gee, you look so happy when you smile.”

The knife twirled itself into the runner's chest, carefully not to hit the heart or anything. I wanted Gerard to see that .

Whilst Gerard was trying to find words to say – I could see that he would go to say something and then stop – I dug the knife in deeper before stopping and watching the life drain from his eyes.

It still felt all that exciting as it did for the other times.

I don't think I'll ever get bored of the exciting feeling I feel when watching someone's life drain from their eyes.

Pulling back and away the skin, my eyes sought out the organ which I wanted. And when I saw it I grinned widely before slowly reaching one hand in and touching it.

I giggled at the feel of it.

It felt so weird but soothing.

I loved it.

Grasping it in my hand, I pulled it from the body before turning and showing it to Gerard. “Here you go Gee, you can have his heart.”

It honestly looked like he was going to be sick when he saw the heart.

He still doesn't get it.

“N-no Mikey.....just put it in the river for me, okay? I want it there because I want to go home,” he said, his voice wavered a lot in that sentence.

But I nodded and giggled as I chucked the heart into the river next to me. “Bye, bye heart.”

Without a second thought, Gerard dumped the body in the river before looking down at his now bloodied clothes, staring at them for a minute before looking back at me.

“Let's go home Mikey. Now.”

I still don't think he got it.