Already Dead Inside

I didn't want to do it. I didn't want Mikey's “gift”, or so he called it. Why he chose to come back to the same place where we dumped...Ray and Frank is beyond me. It's almost as if he likes reminding me of the pain of that weekend.

I don't know if I was shaking due to the freezing cold weather outside or the fact that Mikey just literally cut the heart out of a man's chest and tried to give it to me.

Mikey was still staring at the spot of the river where he dumped the body into when I walked up behind him. He jumped slightly when I put my hand on his shoulder. “C-come on Mikes. Let's go home okay?” He turned to me and nodded, a slight frown on his face.

My hands were shaking so much that it took everything I had to keep the car on the road. I would say that my knuckles were white from me gripping the steering wheel so tight, but I can't. My hands are covered with the blood of Mikey's most recent victim.

For most of the seemingly long ride home, Mikey was quiet. He's usually talking my head off about how wonderful the blood feels. Which I was thankful for.

Mikey broke the eerie silence. “Why didn't you take it Gee?” His face had a look of disappointment and hurt spread across it. He looked down at his own bloodied hands as he waited for me to answer. He shifted his gaze to meet mine. “I-I did it for you. I wanted to make it up to you.”

He brought his hand to my now bandaged cheeks. I cringed as his hands brushed against the “smile” he created. A sheepish grin flashed across his face.

Mikey continued to remain silent until we were inside of our flat. I quickly shut and locked the door behind me, hoping we remained unseen. When I turned around I was met with Mikey only inches away, staring blankly at white bandages.

I backed into the door as he brought his bloodied hand to my face. “You shouldn't cover it up Gee. It's too beautiful.” His fingers pinched a corner of one of the bandages and slowly started pulling down. He did the same with the other side. I winced as the air hit my still sensitive wound.

Mikey took a step back and smiled. He rested one of his hands on my shoulder. “There.” He tilted his head slightly, surveying his work and giggled. I swallowed back the bile that was beginning to rise in my throat.

“T-thank you.” I tried to force a smile on my face but stopped as the pain from the cuts caused me to gasp. He nodded and then headed towards the kitchen, grabbing the roll of bin bags.

The way he was moving seemed almost routine. It freaked me out a little. He held out one of the bags to me. When I didn't reach for the bag he shook it. “Come on Gee. You act as if you've never done this before.” He giggled again.

I took the bag from his hands and started off towards the shower. After shutting the door behind me I collapsed onto the bathroom floor. My emotions began to overwhelm me. Fear for myself. Fear for Mikey's safety, and even his sanity.

I clenched my eyes shut as the tears threatened to break free. I had to brace myself against the bathroom counter as I tried to stand back up.

When I looked in the mirror I could see the blood started to trickle down my cheeks from my re-opened wounds. I wasted no time in taking off my bloodied clothes and shoving them into the bin bag. I took a few deep breaths to try and calm myself before reaching into the shower and turning the water all the way on hot.

I gasped slightly as the scolding water burned my skin. As the water continued to run down my back, I stared to think. Why? Why did Mikey suddenly have this...this obsession? Why did he have to kill Frank and Ray, and his other victims. He claims he's just getting to know them. The way he puts it makes him seem so...so..innocent. Like it's not wrong what he's doing. But it is. I knew it was.

He's my brother though, and I love him. No matter what he does, I always have to stick by him. No matter what... Shivers went down my spine as the image of that man's heart in Mikey's hand was brought to attention. I took a deep breath again and continued my shower.

When I finished I turned the water off and stepped onto the towel in front of the counter. I wiped the steam off of the mirror so I could get a better look at myself. My cheeks were looking much better, although I could clearly see the jagged lines the knife left behind.

I shivered once again as I grabbed a towel off of the rack and wrapped it around my waist. After making it to my room I shut the door behind me and walked over to my drawers. I pulled out my black boxers and pajama pants and slipped them on. I wasn't going to bother with a shirt.

Suddenly, sounds of a shower started coming from the bathroom. Good. At least he wasn't being careless this time. I turned the light on my bedside table off as I crawled into my bed.

I slowly started to drift off to sleep when my phone began to vibrate on the table next to me. I let out a heavy sigh as I rolled over and checked the phone.

It was Amy.

“Hello?”

“Hey Gee! What's up?”

I glanced towards the clock and rubbed my eyes so I could see the time. It was three a.m. “Noth-” I interrupted myself with a yawn. “Nothing much. Why? What's up?”

There was a short pause. “Oh shit! I woke you up. I'm sorry!” I chuckled. “No, no. It's fine. I wasn't completely asleep anyways. What did ya need?” Another short pause.

“I wanted to call and appologize to you. I shouldn't have acted the way I did towards you. I mean, it's not your fault Mikey does what he does.”

I felt a tear run down my cheek. “Gerard? Is everything okay?”

I bit my lip to keep the sob from breaking through. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my free arm around them. “Gerard?”

“I-I'm fine.” I lied. I was far from fine. “Gee, what happened?”

I took a few deep breaths before answering. “He did it again, Amy. This time in front of me.” I heard her gasp something along the lines of “shit”. “A-are you okay?”

“N-not really.”

“Did he hurt you?” Another tear fell down my cheek as I proceeded to tell her exactly what Mikey had done to me, and how he wanted to make me smile. “I'm coming over.” My body jolted out of bed.

“N-no! You can't! You can't be over here!” I was nearly hyperventilating from the fear that now spread throughout my body.

“I'm coming Gee. Someone needs to talk to him, and you love him too much to do it.” Then the phone went silent. I snapped the phone shut and got out of bed. I shoved the phone back into my pocket as I headed towards the door.

When I opened it, there stood Mikey with crossed arms, his hair wet from just getting out of the shower. A scowl across his face. “Who were you talking to, Gee?” I looked down and shook my head. “Don't you lie to me. I don't like it when you lie.”

I slowly fixed my gaze upon his eyes, a pout forming on his face. I gulped before speaking. “A-amy.”

Mikey's eyes went wide as I said her name. He clenched his fists and punched the wall behind him. I jumped at the sound it made and quickly closed the door, leaving Mikey outside. He kicked and punched the wall a few times, screaming between each blow.

I could hear his footsteps lead toward the living room. He continued to scream as he began throwing things around. I could hear loud thuds as, what I believed to be the couch, hit the floor. The sound of glass breaking began to echo down the hallway to my door.

Why does he hate her so much? I slid down the door and brought my knees to my chest again, resting my head on them. I closed my eyes and hoped that Amy would listen to me and stay away. All I can do is hope.