Hidden In Hiding

So, did God, or whoever did create the lovely human race of planet Earth, intentionally make them so confusing just to piss each other off, or did this totally occur unintentionally? Did He (or whoever) create an evil plan centered around confusing everyone to death as some sort of retribution for the trouble making them had caused? Did he do this just for shits and giggles? What?

I met Frank again today. After work, I detoured out of my way to Starbucks to get something hot to drink as the temperature outside dropped even lower as the month wore on. When I arrived, I intended to make haste, wanting to get in and out before I had the chance to become accustomed to the enticing warmth inside the shop. I knew it would only cause problems that I didn’t need if I lingered and I hadn’t been wrong in assuming this.

I had been waiting patiently for the barista to prepare my drink for me once again, having ordered the usual, and had consumed myself in thoughts about the day’s events. Working had been something different today. It gave me unusual customers buying usual things and usual customers buying unusual things. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not a fan of change, and even a normal customer’s odd purchase was able to set me off balance. Whether that was a good thing or not, I honestly couldn’t say. It had its respective advantages and disadvantages.

Regardless, however, I received my drink and turned carefully to make my exit. Instead of permission of my exit, I was met with a prompt “Hello there, Gerard." This was followed by a lopsided smile and sparkling hazel eyes. I stopped for a moment, surprised at the greeting and unsure whether I should acknowledge his presence or not. I had thought it over carefully yesterday and came to the conclusion that this boy wasn’t good for me, couldn’t be good for me.

But as I stood there looking him over and watching his expectant face, the more my resolve weakened, and I distinctly heard a voice that didn’t very much sound like my own produce a quiet “Hello, Frank.”

I internally cursed myself. I never kept my word on anything; it was good for nothing. I just couldn’t bring myself to disappoint him, though. There was something about him. Something that screamed Danger! on a huge sign, but at the same time it invited me in with every aspect of himself saying Safety. My head had been screaming out warnings ever since I’d accepted his hand the other day, but my heart was just letting me run with this, despite whatever my head said.

Frank smiled brightly after I’d said my greeting and this kind of put my head at ease for the moment.

“What’re you up to today?” He asked while stepping slightly past me to approach the counter.

“Um, nothing really, just got off work,” I told him timidly. Why did it matter to him?

“Oh,” he replied, smiling over his shoulder. “Where do you work?”

Again with the questions. I wasn’t good at this.

“The comic book shop a couple blocks away from here,” I told him nonetheless, awkwardly rubbing my neck. By this time he’d received his drink and was heading towards a table. I had no choice but to follow him.

“Awesome,” he grinned, sitting at the table he’d apparently chosen, and motioning for me to sit down in the seat across from his. I did.

“I guess.”

“I’ll have to come visit you sometime. I’m somewhat of a comic freak.” He revealed this with another lopsided smile. I suddenly became afraid that his mouth may stick that way if he kept doing it, but I didn’t express this concern of mine to him. Instead, I nodded my head in answer to his previous statement. I took a sip of my seemingly forgotten beverage after this. “I guess you are too, if you work in a comic book shop,” he added sort of thoughtfully. Not his most inventive thought, but whatever.

I laughed slightly and confirmed. We stayed silent for a few minutes, both of us too engrossed in our drinks to make any sort of conversation, especially on my end. I realized in that moment that I was so tense and awkward because I knew I wasn’t going to change. Not for him. Maybe not for anybody. People have tried in the past, of course, but I could never appease them, and after so long they all deemed me a lost cause; just as this boy probably would very soon.

Frank didn’t seem like the type of person who liked to waste time. There was a certain aura about him that said that he lived every moment he could. I was almost the exact opposite of that, too. The only thing I ever did, ever wanted to do, was live inside my head.

Frank chose then to interrupt my thoughts. “So, I was thinking. Would you wanna hang out sometime? I mean, outside of this coffee shop.” He laughed a bit at this and waited patiently for me to answer by taking a long drink of his coffee.

I was sort of taken aback by his question and had paused in place when it left his lips. Did I want to hang out with Frank? Better yet, did Frank really want to hang out with me?

Obviously enough, I voiced this with a simple “Why?”

His face had screwed up slightly.

“Um...why not? I like you, Gerard. I want to be your friend. Is that a bad thing? I mean, if you don’t to be my friend, dude, that’s totally cool, just let me know,” he let this all out with a slightly amused expression over his features. I knew, though, that his words were sincere.

I found myself not wanting to upset him yet again and I shook my head quickly, indicating that he had it all wrong.

“No, no, sorry,” I expressed awkwardly, reaching for the back of my neck. “I wouldn't mind hanging out with you.” He smiled and gave a giggle.

“Okay, give me your number. I’ll call you later and we’ll make plans.”

I ended up giving him my number and after that making the hasty exit I had intended from the start.

I still couldn’t figure out the reason that Frank wanted to hang out with me. I’d spent all the short time after this meeting thinking and searching for reasons that the boy could possibly have to hang out with me.

Obviously, I haven’t yet come up with anything to loosen my confusion. I’d been thinking the entire way home, only resulting in dead thoughts and more frustration. People normally didn’t want to hang out with me. I didn’t blame them, of course, it was my own doing. What made Frank think I was worth it when no one else did? If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 26 years of life, it’s that people are all the same. Including myself. I’m only running circles around myself, though, trying to figure this all out.

And worse than that, what made me give him a chance?