Pieces of a Life

A few hours in the city somehow seemed to bridge across the years Leila had lost when she was in California. She and Alex acted like typical best friends released to wreak havoc on the public, being loud and obnoxious, causing trouble and not caring. There were bags from shopping in her hands and for once, she felt simply happy. There was nothing bothering her, not a troubling thought lingering in the back of her mind, and she wasn’t worrying about anything to come. It was of no concern that her melon-sized scoop of gelato was really not the best idea for her diet plans. She brushed off the fact that she really didn’t need publicity after her father’s death, particularly linking her to Alex or making a big deal of her return to the East. Her mind was calm and at peace. She was purely and simply happy. She swung her arms full of shopping bags forward and back and hopped onto a curb, keeping her balance as she cheerily sauntered along.

“Oh no, watch out!” Alex yelled. He grabbed her by the waist and flung her over his shoulder, ignoring her squeals, and spun around in circles. She was such a ragdoll it was easy, like it always had been when he wanted to physically harass her. Pool season was the worst when they were younger—Leila would be thrown half a mile down her pool before she could take a step in the shallow end. When he was satisfied with his teasing he set her back down, wobbly and dizzy. He grinned.

“Rude.” Leila jutted out her hip and tossed her hair jokingly. “Take me to my car.” She strutted away sassily, Alex chasing after and laughing.

“Oh Leilabear, I’ve missed you.” He beamed at her.

“I missed you too.” She chirped with a smile. It was so easy to say now that it didn’t hurt to admit.

They reached the parking deck and the Aston was retrieved, not an extra mile on it. Leila smiled and gave the attendee a generous tip, allowing Alex to open her door. Traffic leaving the city wasn’t miserable, but it wasn’t moving very fast either.

“Evelyn’s invited us to a party tonight,” He noted, reading a text as they sat in traffic. A friend-of-a-friend’s house party, technically, but they were invited. “What say you, darling; shall we grace these peasants with our presence?” He continued in a dramatic, pretentious accent.

“Hm,” Leila pursed her lips and tapped her chin in thought. Alex looked at her, eyes flicking across her pink lips and fair skin. He looked back out the windshield before she noticed. “Hm, yes, I believe we shall.” She announced, nodding seriously.

“Marvelous!” He kissed her hand and smiled at her resulting giggle.

She was happy. He knew that—it was easy to tell. He liked to think he was a lot of the reason she was happy. There was no one she was closer to, not even Evelyn. Well, maybe he was tied with Evelyn. He’d be alright with that. But Leila craved his company and he knew that. He liked knowing that. He was glad she still liked him, because after she’d left…well, things were different. They were both such necessary components of each other’s lives. It was like you could feel it when they were apart. Even on opposite coasts, they knew they should be with the other person. They were like magnets. It was the worst when she’d gone; everyone could feel it, because it was like a part of a whole had been taken away. Knowing Leila, she felt it too. She’d said it herself: they always found their way back to each other.

“Leila,” Alex spoke quietly. She looked at him with her big, open eyes, and he said it, probably one of the stupidest things he’d ever said to her, but he knew there would be stupider things to come. So he said it anyway. “I…do you—do you believe in…in things like…like people being meant for each other?” He choked on the word soulmates because he knew she would rather fling herself out of the car than hear that come out of his mouth. But he spoke it carefully—quiet, slow, and deliberate—and he glanced at her. He saw her face darken with seriousness. She knew what he was really saying.

“I think,” She whispered, a tiny crease of thought between her eyebrows. “I think that it’s…possible, yes,” She nodded and glanced at him now, too. “Two people can be meant for each other.”

She knew what he was going to say before he said it and she had to physically restrain herself from flinching. “What about you and me?” He watched her curiously. Leila sighed, her lips pouting a little.

“I think there can also be people made for each other who…who are not meant to be together.” Her voice was sad and quiet, barely audible.

“How can that be fair?” Alex frowned.

“I never said it was.” She shook her head. The car was silent for a few seconds until Leila spoke again. “If there were ever two people meant for each other, Alex, it’s you and me,” He looked at her but she was looking down, although her body was turned to him. “But…but we couldn’t, Alex. We couldn’t ever be together. We—we just couldn’t.”

“Why not?” His tone was blank and Leila couldn’t read into it. She exhaled slowly. Alex knew he was making her uncomfortable, but he couldn’t really say that he cared. He cast a quick look sideways at the little body in the passenger’s seat.

If there were ever two people made for each other, it was them. He could believe that. They’d grown up together and been attached at the hip since before either of them could remember. He’d been there when Caroline got sick—he was young, but he remembered. He knew Leila did, too and it must’ve been unimaginably terrible. She’d practically lived with him as her parents tried to race against the clock. He remembered the day it must’ve been that Caroline died—they’d all gone to the hospital to see her, and usually they didn’t. He remembered how Leila cried and cried—Christ, she was only five—and she was utterly inconsolable. The one image he could see clearly was in the hallway outside Caroline Willows’ room, Leila screaming and crying as George tried to hold her. She fought his arms off every time, and Alex stood there, holding his own mother’s hand very tightly, just watching Leila cry herself sick. He remembered all that, being with Leila when she lost someone she loved so much; and she’d been there, of course, when his brother died. He still hurt to think of that. How could you share that kind of experience with someone and not be connected somehow?

They’d been with each other for classes, for weekends with nothing to do, for parties when parents were gone. They’d been the reliable friend to each other to go to about relationships, although he had to admit Leila was much nicer to the girls he’d dated than he was to her boyfriends. He’d driven her everywhere and back because he loved her cars and she didn’t like to drive—and she always needed to go somewhere. They’d been with each other, inseparable, attached at the hip, from day one. Maybe he always loved her, and maybe even he knew he always loved her. But nothing had changed until recently, until something had stirred within them both and changed things.

Years had passed. Things had changed. He’d found success and confidence and was doing what he loved when suddenly this blue-eyed ghost from a different life came walking back in. A lovely blue-eyed ghost, with a reluctant smile and grace that was second-nature from decades of training. But a ghost nonetheless. She came back and it would’ve been useless to fight it, because they always knew they were just parts of a whole. But it wasn’t fair how much he needed her now. She’d come back not at all the bug-eyed, bony girl he’d grown up with, and when you’re just part of a whole, how can you fight off another part of you? It wasn’t fair for her to come back graceful and beautiful, her hair too long and perfectly messy, lips full and pink, blue doe eyes; it wasn’t fucking fair. Because now everything was different. Everything was different, but they still needed each other.

If there were ever two people made for each other, it was them. But they couldn’t ever be together, Leila had said. “Why not?” He asked again. “You’re saying we couldn’t ever be together—”

“Stop.” Leila crossed her arms and stared out the window. She wasn’t frowning, but her eyes were doing some strange thing they did when she was annoyed—somehow narrowed and wide at the same time as she glared out the window. He didn’t push it.

They didn’t speak until they were at Leila’s garage and he was going to his own car. “You’re still going to the party, right?” He asked as she made her way to the front door.

“Yeah, I’ll go. It’ll be fun.” She shrugged. Before he offered she said, “I’ll ride with Ev.”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes and bit his tongue against any remarks of calling her out as a big baby. He just nodded instead, smiled halfway, and said, “Alright, well, I’ll see you.”

In typical girly fashion Leila called Evelyn as soon as she closed the door behind her. “Ugh, Ev, come over,” She said when Evelyn picked up. “Tonight needs to be unparalleled.”

Evelyn laughed. “Is this a prank phone call, Leila? Am I on Punk’d?”

“Come over!” Leila whined. “I need you to help me actually have fun tonight.” She could hear Evelyn moving through her house. A door closed—probably the front door.

“Ooh, are we pregaming?” Her friend said. Leila laughed.

“Honestly,” She replied, glancing at her kitchen. The idea of her father’s liquor cabinet was exciting. “I’d be up for that.”

Leila didn’t typically go to parties. She hadn’t gone to college, and the parties she attended or even hosted in high school never felt like much to her, although they earned her a reputation and status of sorts at school. She’d been to few enough in San Francisco she could count them on one hand. Occasionally other girls in the company would go to clubs or big ragers and Leila would go, too. She’d have fun, but she just wasn’t really close with anyone there. She wanted this night to be a perfect, stellar night—it had all the potential: her closest friends, her hometown, no worries on her mind, no responsibilities interfering. She didn’t have to worry about a show, a rehearsal, or behaving herself around the other dancers or scrutinizing onlookers. She didn’t have to worry about anything, really, and she didn’t want to. She wanted to exploit her new unconditional happiness. She just wanted to have fun.

Evelyn had arrived at the door with garment bags draped all over her arms and an excited grin on her face. “I couldn’t resist,” She said, laying the bags on Leila’s bed. “And as if I could trust you to dress yourself for a party.” She joked, smirking.

The scene was ridiculous, if a little stereotypical. They both stood in Leila’s bathroom, Leila curling her hair and Evelyn putting on makeup. There was a bottle of Malibu and a bottle of Grey Goose on the counter and Leila kept Evelyn in check—she was driving them to the party, after all, and Leila was very leery of drunk driving. They’d found a Destiny’s Child CD in Leila’s old collection and put it on the stereo. It was unmistakably girl’s night out, and Leila was giddy.

Evelyn took a small swig of the sweet coconut rum, leaving red lipstick on the bottle. She wriggled in her tight dress, smiling. She’d made the dresses she and Leila were wearing and was excited to have an excuse to show them off. The dresses looked good, but Evelyn liked to think the fact that they were wearing them made the difference. What could she say, they were fabulous. Evelyn smirked and sprayed hairspray around her head.

“Oh, Ev, Alex got super weird today,” Leila groaned as she remembered. Evelyn glanced her questioningly in the mirror. “He—I don’t know. You know things have been different with us since…since I came back, I guess.” Leila ran her fingers through her curls and fluffed them.

“Well, what’d you expect, Lei? It’s been years. You got sexy, he got sexy…” She wiggled her eyebrows. Leila scrunched up her face. “But in all seriousness, Leila, you know you’ve always been together. You’re made for each other. You just both keep fighting it.” Leila made a face and sighed dramatically. “Come on, Leila, think about it. Is there anyone you love more than Alex?”

Leila looked at her feet and mumbled, “No.”

“And there’s no one he loves more than you. But, like you said, things are different,” Evelyn squinted in the mirror as she stuck false lashes to her lash line. She blinked at her reflection and nudged the lashes with her fingertips. “Things are different, and you guys are having to deal with it.”

Leila made another face. “Yeah, I guess.” She grumbled.

“Lighten up, Lei,” Evelyn handed her the white Malibu bottle. “Tonight’s going to be unparalleled, remember?” She grinned. Leila drank from the bottle and smiled back.