Pieces of a Life

As promised, Alex came back. He didn’t bother knocking, because Leila wouldn’t likely have heard it anyway, and just waltzed through the door after snatching the spare key from its hiding spot on the front porch. Leila was sitting on her bed, an open book and plastic container of chocolate covered almonds on the covers in front of her. She was startled when he walked in so casually.

“You should think about finding a new hiding place for this,” He tossed the spare key to her before she could chastise him for trespassing. She blinked at the key in her hand and looked back at him. “What? Get up, I told you I’d be back.” When she didn’t move he closed her book and took her almonds. “Get up, Leilabutt Abigail Willows.”

“Where are we going?” She chirped, hopping around as she tried to put a shoe on and follow Alex at the same time. She locked the front door as they left and put the spare key back in the same place, earning an annoyed look from Alex.

“We, darling,” He said as they got in his car. “Are going to a party. A welcome home party.” He cast a sideways glance at her.

Leila knew very well that there was no welcome home party waiting for her. This was Alex’s way of forcing her to come back—if she had to face everyone she’d left behind, she’d be less inclined to leave. It was a good strategy on his part. They stopped at a house Leila didn’t recognize, yet somehow knew where she was. She stared at Alex, begging and pleading that he wouldn’t do this, but he pretended not to see. He put one arm securely around her waist and pulled her beside him, up to the door and into the house. There were people talking, multiple people, and Leila’s heart hammered forceful punches against her chest. It was her fault she felt like this, she knew it, but she couldn’t convince herself to be calm. Someone heard them in the hallway and called, “Alex?”

“Yeah,” Alex replied, forcing Leila to walk further. “I brought you someone.” His voice was cheerful but his face was serious. Leila pressed backwards against his hand as much as she could, but some part of her knew she wouldn’t leave this house. She just resisted out of habit.

Leila recognized Evelyn’s happy chuckle before she saw her. “Who?” She laughed playfully and looked up after they entered the kitchen. She saw Leila and froze, uttering maybe unintentionally, “Oh my God.”

It was terrible. It was like the room was frozen and the entire world was staring at Leila, tension so heavy it felt like no one was breathing. Evelyn had been flipping through pages of Cosmo and froze there, fingers still holding the corner of a page she had been preparing to turn. Her face was blank and staring like a corpse with its eyes still open, her mouth slack like someone had made her pause in the middle of a sentence. Amusingly, Jack’s face was the same as his sister’s: blank, staring, barely giving away the shock that was definitely there. Rian was leaning against a counter and seemed like he had known all along, looking at Leila and Alex with a tiny smile and not a hint of surprise. Even the fucking cat, Evelyn’s precious Lagerfeld, stared as he sat beside Evelyn’s leg. It was terrible, and it seemed to last forever.

Alex moved first, letting go of her and stepping to the side. Throwing the bait to the water, it felt like. Then Rian, so knowing and unsurprised and almost pleased, walked slowly across the room and put his arms around her. Leila hugged him back tightly, relieved. He had always been a lifesaver that way. He said quietly, “I’m glad you’re back, Lei.”

The statement was very sealing and final. She squeezed her eyes shut. “I missed you too, Rian.” He hadn’t said it, but she knew what he’d meant. He smiled when he pulled away from the hug.

Evelyn was still frozen and Jack remained paused for a second longer, but swept Leila into an enormous hug; one of those hugs where you get pulled off your feet and squeezed in half, but it’s just what you needed so you don’t mind. Leila’s face scrunched up with all the happy and sad and apologetic butterflies flickering along the sides of her stomach and she hugged Jack tightly as well, trying to escape the fluttering feelings. But she wouldn’t, not until things were settled with Evelyn. For the time being she settled on hugging Evelyn’s twin and sincerely replying how she missed and loved him too. When that was done, though, it left Evelyn.

She just stared at Leila for a little while longer before finally saying, “What are you doing here?”

Zack had asked her the same thing. Before Leila could answer, Evelyn continued, a scowl growing on her face. “I mean, I know your father died, and I’m sorry. But why’d you come back? Knowing you, of all times this would be the time to keep hiding.”

Leila’s face was like a sigh. “Ev, I—”

“You left him before. You left all of us before. Why’d you come back? Really, Leila, I’m just dying to know.” She narrowed her eyes. Leila could see the outline of contact lenses, colored blue over her dark eyes.

“Something was different, Ev.” Leila tried her best to be firm. “Something just felt different, and I knew I had to come back.” She pulled nervously at the hem of her shirt.

Evelyn looked at her analytically for a moment, eyes still narrowed and scanning over the person standing in front of her. When she seemed satisfied her expression relaxed and she leaned back, nodding. Honestly, it was true. She had left everyone and she had isolated herself and she had created all sorts of problems that she ignored and hid from. She had committed a hit and run, really; the way she’d ignored everything before, it wouldn’t have made any difference if she hadn’t come back. She didn’t have to come back, it wasn’t like there was a parade down Main Street when her flight touched down. Really, she wasn’t particularly wanted here. No one would’ve noticed if she stayed far away, because that’s where she always was. But something was different, and she knew she had to go back.

“Alright,” Evelyn said, looking at her former best friend. She almost smiled, but not quite. “Okay. I guess we have a lot to catch up on, don’t we?”

Leila almost smiled too and exhaled with relief. “I guess we do.”



Evelyn, stereotypical trendy fashionista she was, took Leila to a painfully hip coffee shop. Typical Evelyn. Leila was very unsurprised. They sat across from each other, Evelyn with some hip vegan latte and Leila with a muffin she probably wouldn’t eat. The first thing Evelyn said was, “You’d better fucking eat that,” She pointed at the muffin and frowned. “It looks like you don’t eat at all.”

“I feel like I don’t eat at all.” Leila mumbled, childishly picking at crumbs on the muffin. She just wasn’t hungry—she had no appetite most of the time anymore, and her diet restrictions were strict enough to reinforce her lack of interest in food. She certainly didn’t have an eating disorder, she just wasn’t interested in eating.

Evelyn sipped her super hip latte and watched Leila, then pushed the mug away and folded her hands on the table. “So, Lei,” She looked at her friend carefully. “I want you to tell me how you’ve been. And I mean it, none of your bullshit. I want to know about your life, because…because I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.” It was true. They were so distant now, it was saddening.

“There’s not much to know,” Leila shrugged. She knew that wouldn’t be a sufficient answer for Evelyn though. “I…I don’t really have friends. Sometimes I go out with other girls I dance with, but I wouldn’t call them friends. I have no family. I…I have no life, even. I just dance, I just dance all the time. I love it, but I don’t feel like a real person anymore.” She paused then added quickly, “I know that’s my fault and I did it to myself, but I didn’t even notice until…” She thought. Until when? “Well, until I saw Alex today. I don’t know. It’s weird.” She finished lamely, pouting her lips and looking at her muffin. She took a huge bite.

Evelyn nodded, watching Leila frown at the table. “I mean, you’re right: you did it to yourself. But thank God you came back and realized it, right?” She cracked a half smile, which Leila returned weakly. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Lei, but you know I’m not gonna fuck around.”

Leila raised her eyebrows in a mocking expression and mumbled, “Oh no, definitely not.” Evelyn ignored her.

“Seriously. It’s good that you’re back. It’s—it’s good for all of us.” Evelyn’s voiced lowered at the end and she looked down awkwardly. Leila took note of this and looked up at Evelyn, frowning with a question on her face.

“What’s that mean? That was super cryptic.” Evelyn gave a half-assed shrug and continued looking down. “Evelyn. Come on.” Leila looked at her sharply. “You know I’m not gonna fuck around.” She teased. Evelyn smiled slightly.

She sighed and looked at Leila. “I mean, I guess it’s nothing complicated. Things are just different, Lei, like you said. Things have been changing ever since you left, but since you weren’t here, you didn’t change with us. You—you missed out on so much, and so did we.” Evelyn dragged her spoon around in her mug. “Things have changed but I think maybe that will make things better now that you’re back. Stronger. I—just—do you know what I mean?” She looked at Leila hopefully, almost tiredly.

Leila understood well enough. But the glaring problem was that everyone was assuming she was back for good. Why? Why would she be back permanently? What had changed that would make things stronger and keep her here, like Evelyn had said? It was like everyone was in on it except Leila, and she didn’t like that. Everyone else had her figured out before even she did. And maybe that was all an act to keep her around longer. She just had no idea. Maybe they really did have her figured out, because she hardly knew herself anymore.