All Around Me

Drink after drink, party after party, pill after pill, gig after gig.
This was my life. Things had changed. I was doing things I had never thought I'd be doing. Especially after-
Nope. I wasn't going to think about that. Another drink. Another drink to forget about that. I said I'd leave that in the past, and I had.
"Frank, we're on in ten."
I looked up from the cold beer I was clutching tightly in my hands to see the bright blue eyes of Chad staring intently at me, his bass guitar hanging over his shoulder by the strap. "Right. Fine. Okay."
I downed the rest of my drink and stood up, only slightly unsteady. Chad frowned at me, his chestnut hair falling into his eyes. "How did you get served? You're not 21 for another few months."
I grinned at him, witholding a hiccup. "I told the chick behind the bar I was in the band. It works every time."
Chad rolled his eyes and turned away from me again. "You're a douchebag sometimes, Frank." He said, but he was laughing. I stuck my tongue out at him behind his back, but followed him to the dressing room anyway.
In there was Javie, the drummer, and Viv, the singer that completed the bands lineup.
Javie was tapping his drumsticks absentmindedly off the glass table in our dressing room, humming tunelessly to himself, and Viv was lying down on the sofa, wearing a black tank top that matched her glossy black hair.
"Hey guys, We thought you were lost." She said, looking up at us with her green eyes.
"Nah." I said, sitting down. "Look at the size of this shitty venue, I don't think it'd be possible to get lost here."
"Quit complaining, Frank." Chad said, sitting down next to me.
"Ready guys?" Some man with a clipboard came into the room, looking annoyingly professional despite the venue only holding a hundred or so of an audience. I hated him immediately.
Viv smiled brightly, hopping up off the sofa. She still loved this. I kind of envied her. At one point I had loved playing, but after what happened with Gerard I sort of lost interest. But it was all I had, having never finished school. I had no qualifications, and this was all I knew. And there was no way I was going back to Skull.
I growled under my breath as we walked towards the tiny stage, realizing I was thinking about him. I made a mental note to get another drink as soon as we finished our set.
We trailed on stage, Viv waving at everyone as she practically skipped to the microphone. The cheers erupted as soon as we came into view. We were a small band, but what fans we had were really loyal. But I still couldn't bring myself to smile.
Javie started a rapid drum beat and we threw ourselves into the first song. Well, Viv, Javie and Chad threw themselves into it. I kind of stumbled into it.
One thing that hadn't changed about me was what happened to me when I started playing. It was like I disappeared completely. My brain went on autopilot and played the notes without me even having to think about it, and I had time to think about other things, whether I wanted to or not.
When I was playing was the only time I ever let myself think about Gerard.
I looked down at my guitar and saw him grinning up at me, his olive eyes lit up. I kept only one picture of him, and it was taped to my guitar. It was him on my 18th birthday. Two years ago. It was the same picture that was on his damn gravestone. I tried not to look at it as I played, but I couldn't help it. I was as drawn to him as ever, and I didn't see that changing any time soon.
My heart felt constricted in my chest, and I struggled to breathe. That was how I always felt whenever I allowed myself to think of him. It was why I didn't do it that often.

"I wish there was an alternate ending for this, 'cos I've never hurt like this before"
I heard Viv's voice belting out the song through the sounds of the cheers.
I wrote that song. About him.
No, Frank, stop. Think about something else.
But I couldn't.
I had said I would leave that all in the past, and I had. Mostly. But sometimes I just couldn't stop myself. And I couldn't see it ending anytime soon.