Status: One shot. Complete.
The Letter
One-shot.
Dear Jack,
It is December now and everything is covered in a white blanket of snow, but this summer was amazing, wasn’t it? The lazy days, the days we never stopped moving, the days where time seemed to stand still, the days with all our friends, and the days when it was just the two of us. This summer was two months filled with so many emotions; emotions that I don’t know if I’ll ever get to experience in the same way again. I need to write you this letter, because I need to tell you everything I feel, my beautiful boyfriend.
Do you remember the day school ended for summer? We all crammed into Josh’s car and drove straight to the woods, our old drinking spot. Cameron and Lucy had brought along crates of cider, and we stayed there all afternoon in a blissful state of inebriation. Nothing mattered that day, and it was perfect. And the night was even better than the day. I don’t remember who suggested playing truth or dare, but I do remember Harry doing a naked sprint through the trees and Cameron eating a worm. And Josh finally kissed Emma! After all this time! I think they are together officially now, but I’m not sure. I don’t really know what is going on with our friends at the moment because all I think about is you. What I do know is that day was the start of a summer I’ll never forget.
One of the most memorable things about this summer was our trip to the coast. All 7 of us away from our parents for the first time. It was just a spur of the moment idea, but we all went anyway, even if we only went for 5 days. Do you remember waking up on the back porch of our rented house wrapped in a blanket? I do. We had a bonfire the previous night and the two of us had fallen asleep outside, and they all left us there because they said we looked so peaceful. I wish we could relive that right now. I’ll never forget the shy smile your lips held as we made the most of the alone time. You were always so shy – but that is one of the things I love most about you. You were so perfect compared to me, but you always said you didn’t care. I don’t understand why, and I don’t think I ever will – but I’m not complaining. If you had cared that I wasn’t perfect, we wouldn’t have had those days down by the coast with our friends. That trip is a memory that I will hold onto for the rest of my life.
My second favourite memory of the summer is your 18th birthday. This was the last 18th birthday in our group of friends so we wanted to make it special. We planned a big party for you as a surprise, and wow, weren’t you surprised! Lucy and Emma kept you distracted for the day with a spa outing, while Cameron, Josh, Harry and I set up my house for when you got back. We invited so many people from school as well as your friends from outside school, and when you got to mine we all jumped out. Do you remember how loud you shrieked? I remember how hard everyone laughed and how deeply you blushed, but you quickly forgave us for scaring you. I love that you always forgive people easily. I stayed sober that night because I wanted to make sure you had a good time – but you stayed sober too. I didn’t find out why until everyone had left in the early hours of the morning. We made love for the first time, both of us having waited until the other was ready, our hands shaking and our hearts beating quickly. But it was perfect. You were perfect. Do you remember how much our friends would tease us for abstaining? I never cared what they said because you were special, and there was no way I was going to force you into something you didn’t want to do. I’m glad we waited. That night I saw a side of you no-one had ever seen before, and I’m going to treasure that moment as the night you made me a man.
The night I’ll never forget even if I wanted to, was the night I persuaded you to sneak out to a concert with me, a week after your birthday. Your parents hate that side of town, but I convinced you to climb out your window in the middle of the night anyway. I remember the look of fire in your eyes as I quickly drove away, and the adrenaline pumping through my veins. I know you had that same adrenaline rush, the ecstasy of doing something against your parents’ wishes. If only we had listened to them. I wish I didn’t remember the drive home. It was pitch black and the roads were almost empty, but you turned the stereo up to full volume and we were singing at the top of our lungs. I have never felt as free as we did that night. Just you, me and my car. I felt invincible. I felt like nothing could stop us. But out of nowhere, I heard you scream and point. By the time I looked, it was too late. Everything went dark.
I don’t remember much from that night. It happened so fast. All I can remember is a blur of flashing lights, agony and running footsteps. But what I do remember is wishing that I’d never woken up when the nurse told me you hadn’t made it. I remember screaming and thrashing about, my parents and your parents crying and trying to hold me down. I should’ve been the one that was dead, Jack, not you. That drunk driver had passed out at the wheel and had swerved across lanes, crashing head-on into us. I was the one not wearing my seatbelt. I was the one whose airbag was faulty. Not you. You had everything to look forward to – you had a future. I didn’t even have plans for University. I should be the one that’s buried six feet under, not you. I’m never going to forgive myself.
Every day I think about what would have happened if I hadn’t persuaded you to sneak out with me. Every night I relive losing you. Every single morning I wake up thinking it was all a bad dream. It didn’t help when your parents left town, Jack. They packed up and moved, two weeks after your funeral. All our friends have left too. They scattered themselves across the country to different Universities – sometimes I think they did it on purpose so they don’t have to see me and be reminded of your passing. I miss you so much it’s unreal. I don’t like waking up without you. It doesn't feel right. Damn, Jack, every night it gets harder sleeping with only memories. Sometimes I think I’m going crazy. Sometimes I can feel you breathing on my neck. All I know is that we’ll be together again, one day. I love you, forever and always.
Your Matty x.’
It is December now and everything is covered in a white blanket of snow, but this summer was amazing, wasn’t it? The lazy days, the days we never stopped moving, the days where time seemed to stand still, the days with all our friends, and the days when it was just the two of us. This summer was two months filled with so many emotions; emotions that I don’t know if I’ll ever get to experience in the same way again. I need to write you this letter, because I need to tell you everything I feel, my beautiful boyfriend.
Do you remember the day school ended for summer? We all crammed into Josh’s car and drove straight to the woods, our old drinking spot. Cameron and Lucy had brought along crates of cider, and we stayed there all afternoon in a blissful state of inebriation. Nothing mattered that day, and it was perfect. And the night was even better than the day. I don’t remember who suggested playing truth or dare, but I do remember Harry doing a naked sprint through the trees and Cameron eating a worm. And Josh finally kissed Emma! After all this time! I think they are together officially now, but I’m not sure. I don’t really know what is going on with our friends at the moment because all I think about is you. What I do know is that day was the start of a summer I’ll never forget.
One of the most memorable things about this summer was our trip to the coast. All 7 of us away from our parents for the first time. It was just a spur of the moment idea, but we all went anyway, even if we only went for 5 days. Do you remember waking up on the back porch of our rented house wrapped in a blanket? I do. We had a bonfire the previous night and the two of us had fallen asleep outside, and they all left us there because they said we looked so peaceful. I wish we could relive that right now. I’ll never forget the shy smile your lips held as we made the most of the alone time. You were always so shy – but that is one of the things I love most about you. You were so perfect compared to me, but you always said you didn’t care. I don’t understand why, and I don’t think I ever will – but I’m not complaining. If you had cared that I wasn’t perfect, we wouldn’t have had those days down by the coast with our friends. That trip is a memory that I will hold onto for the rest of my life.
My second favourite memory of the summer is your 18th birthday. This was the last 18th birthday in our group of friends so we wanted to make it special. We planned a big party for you as a surprise, and wow, weren’t you surprised! Lucy and Emma kept you distracted for the day with a spa outing, while Cameron, Josh, Harry and I set up my house for when you got back. We invited so many people from school as well as your friends from outside school, and when you got to mine we all jumped out. Do you remember how loud you shrieked? I remember how hard everyone laughed and how deeply you blushed, but you quickly forgave us for scaring you. I love that you always forgive people easily. I stayed sober that night because I wanted to make sure you had a good time – but you stayed sober too. I didn’t find out why until everyone had left in the early hours of the morning. We made love for the first time, both of us having waited until the other was ready, our hands shaking and our hearts beating quickly. But it was perfect. You were perfect. Do you remember how much our friends would tease us for abstaining? I never cared what they said because you were special, and there was no way I was going to force you into something you didn’t want to do. I’m glad we waited. That night I saw a side of you no-one had ever seen before, and I’m going to treasure that moment as the night you made me a man.
The night I’ll never forget even if I wanted to, was the night I persuaded you to sneak out to a concert with me, a week after your birthday. Your parents hate that side of town, but I convinced you to climb out your window in the middle of the night anyway. I remember the look of fire in your eyes as I quickly drove away, and the adrenaline pumping through my veins. I know you had that same adrenaline rush, the ecstasy of doing something against your parents’ wishes. If only we had listened to them. I wish I didn’t remember the drive home. It was pitch black and the roads were almost empty, but you turned the stereo up to full volume and we were singing at the top of our lungs. I have never felt as free as we did that night. Just you, me and my car. I felt invincible. I felt like nothing could stop us. But out of nowhere, I heard you scream and point. By the time I looked, it was too late. Everything went dark.
I don’t remember much from that night. It happened so fast. All I can remember is a blur of flashing lights, agony and running footsteps. But what I do remember is wishing that I’d never woken up when the nurse told me you hadn’t made it. I remember screaming and thrashing about, my parents and your parents crying and trying to hold me down. I should’ve been the one that was dead, Jack, not you. That drunk driver had passed out at the wheel and had swerved across lanes, crashing head-on into us. I was the one not wearing my seatbelt. I was the one whose airbag was faulty. Not you. You had everything to look forward to – you had a future. I didn’t even have plans for University. I should be the one that’s buried six feet under, not you. I’m never going to forgive myself.
Every day I think about what would have happened if I hadn’t persuaded you to sneak out with me. Every night I relive losing you. Every single morning I wake up thinking it was all a bad dream. It didn’t help when your parents left town, Jack. They packed up and moved, two weeks after your funeral. All our friends have left too. They scattered themselves across the country to different Universities – sometimes I think they did it on purpose so they don’t have to see me and be reminded of your passing. I miss you so much it’s unreal. I don’t like waking up without you. It doesn't feel right. Damn, Jack, every night it gets harder sleeping with only memories. Sometimes I think I’m going crazy. Sometimes I can feel you breathing on my neck. All I know is that we’ll be together again, one day. I love you, forever and always.
Your Matty x.’
♠ ♠ ♠
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