Innocence

"So she would have been ten today?" Raiden asked after I explained to him about my sister being killed by some pedophile when she was about five.

I nodded.

He shook his head. "That's terrible."

"I know."

"So what about the other people?"

I breathed heavily out of my nose. "My dad and my boyfriend." I had my elbows on my knees and was bent forward. "My dad was 35 and my boyfriend was 16. He was two years older than me. They both died in a car crash. And I don't mean at separate times. They were together. And they got killed. Two years after my sister died." I sighed and continued. "We planned on having a family picnic that night and we didn't have everything we needed at home. Dad offered to go, and so of course Preston tagged along. They asked me if I wanted to go. I was tired and told them no, I wanted to nap for a bit..

"So I told them I loved them and kissed them both goodbye. But I didn't know it would be the last time I would say bye to them." I felt myself have to push more tears away. This was a moment I always regretted. He watched me with careful eyes, I realized how pretty his brown eyes were at the moment. They were almost like mine but his were more warm, more alive. Whereas mine were cold brown. "I fell asleep and awoke to my mom screaming. I found her in the kitchen on her knees with a broken plate in front of her. I was instantly scared. She looked up at me with a look, a look so sad, so pained that I fell to the ground next to her.

"The hospital called us when their bodies got there. I was so scared. I wasn't ready to loose anyone else. We called the Gates, Preston's family, and they met us there, but it was all to late. The doctor pulled us into a family room and told us that they had both died instantly. The guy that had hit them was going against traffic, rammed into them and killed himself and them on impact. Everybody in the room cried. Except me. It was too much. Too much pain, and I was scared to feel even more by crying. I bottled it up. I swore never to cry again, never to get close or to love anyone.

"Every time it seemed I loved someone, I lost them. All I had left was my mom and I felt the guilt every day that I could have been with them. I could have died too. My mom would make it. She would have found you and Ben, she could have the son she always wanted. But I stayed home. I would give anything to go back and save them. Preston was the love of my life. He was the one I could see myself marrying, the one that I wanted to grow old with. Shit, I was young, still am, but I knew that we would be together forever. Or, well, I thought.

"I've visited my dad a few times since he died but I haven't visited Preston. I was at the grave site the day of his funeral but that was the last time. I miss them both so much. My dad was the sun in my life. He always made me life. He wasn't like any dad. In a way, he was like Ben. You know how husbands bring their wife's flowers? Well my dad would do that and bring me flowers to. Just as many as my mom. And when Rosie was alive, he would do it for her too. Even when she was so little she ate them.

"God, I loved the three of them. My life feels so empty without them." I looked down at my wrists and realized i missed an important part in the story. "Oh, yeah and a year after Rosie died, I started cutting myself. I did that for a year, got over it, then a year later was when I lost Daddy and Preston. I'm surprised I didn't relapse when they died but I just pushed away from everyone and became an angry person.

"I miss them, more than anything. Everyday my heart breaks more when I realize that they aren't here anymore. No white wedding with Preston where my daddy walks me down the isle, my mom is crying in the front row, while Rosie throws petals. None of that. It hurts, and I wont lie. Pain is a feeling I have everyday. I could have had such a great life.. but it was all torn away from me. I just.. I wish I had someone here. I have my mom but she hardly wants to talk about them anymore and Keith and Katie just aren't always here in the way I need. Even though they are great. I am so alone. I just feel like I'm breaking down. More and more every single day."

I put my head in my hands. I felt like crying again, but still kept it inside. I wouldn't cry now. Too many re opened wounds at the moment that crying now would be the worst thing to do. I felt Raiden's strong arms snake around me and I leaned into him. When I looked at him I saw his cheeks were wet.

I reached out and touched his cheek. After a over a month of hating him, I never would have thought that this would happen. I didn't think that he would comfort me. And I didn't think that I would let him. But it felt right. It made me feel better. It made my hatred slink away. How could I hate someone who would comfort me after all the verbal abuse? "Are you okay?" I whispered.

He smiled softly. "You really want to ask me if I'm okay? I thought I've had it bad all this time when you have lost so much more. I'm sorry for being a jerk. I didn't realize.. I was just being an ass because I just can't control it and I thought that you were playing like you had problems when you didn't. I feel bad. Can you forgive me? Can we be.. like friends?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. "Yeah. It's weird, but I feel like this is how it should be. Thank you for comforting me. I hope we really do become brother and sister."

"You don't have to feel alone anymore. I promise to be nice and to be a brother to you. You wanna know why I'm an ass?"

I nodded and smiled at him. "Please do tell."

With a laugh he started to talk. "My mom walked out. I was like six or seven and she just left me and my dad one day. I guess we weren't enough. She had raised me for so long and she just left without leaving a phone number or any way for me to contact her. As I grew up I didn't want to let any women in. I didn't want to be left like my dad was. I dated and slept around but never stayed in a relationship long enough to get dumped. I was on drugs a majority of the time and my dad hated me. He got sick of my lazy, sorry ass and sent me to rehab. I just got out a while back. I don't want to get into drugs anymore but I don't trust chicks. What if I get left? You're probably thinking that I wont because it was just my dad but no. His mom left him too. It's like a pattern. It's destined to happen. I am probably never going to get married now.

"It's no where near as bad as your life. But I thought I'd tell you."

I shook my head. "No, no, it's bad too. Sure I've had more pain but my dad, boyfriend, and sister didn't choose to leave me. You're mom chose to leave you. We share equally bad lives, just in different ways. I'm sorry. We can bask in our pathetic lives together."

"Deal."