Innocence

It was Saturday night. I should be spending the night out, but I was sitting here in the backyard watching the un-moving stars. I thought about my mom and my soon to be new family. It would be weird to have a family. Something I really never had. I wasn't sure if I was ready for it or not.

Suddenly I heard the screen door open and I sighed. "Go away, Toby."

"It's not Toby." I heard my dad say. I turned my back and saw my dad in his pajamas walk towards me. "Adeline seen you hanging out here from the window and wondered if you were lonely. She was going to come talk to you, but I told her I would." He joined me on the grass. "So what's with this hatred you and October have formed?"

I snorted. "We just don't get along. She's a stuck up snooty bitch. She acts like her life is so bad and she's just so snappy with everyone."

"I bed she would say the same for you."

I glared at my dad. "Yeah, because she's rude. I just don't like her."

My dad smiled gently at me. "I can understand that you don't like her. I understand why. It's because your mother." He stated.

"Wh-What?"

"You've always been like this to any girl around you. Every girl you've dated, every girl you've been friends with, every women I've dated. Except Adeline which you hardly even acknowledge."

I sighed as I realized that my dad was right. I hardly even payed attention to Adeline this past month. And I've always been a jerk. Even to all the girls I've dated. "How is that my moms fault?"

The air between us was heavy and my dad shifted uncomfortably. "She left when you were about seven. You've never had a set mother figure around. So you see it as your fault she left and you act like that to push every girl away before they leave like you're mom did. I'm not stupid. I've been through those motions. My mom was never around either. Except my mom stuck around till I was 15. At the time I was going through a phase and she got sick of me and called me worthless, annoying, and a waste of breath. She said she regretted having me and should have put me up for adoption.

"She left. She said all that stuff, I mean she's a druggie so that stuff was suspected but she wasn't even on drugs when she said all that. It hurt me and made it difficult for me to deal with women in life. But soon.. I got over that. I met your mom, she got pregnant, we got married, and things were okay. It was hard at times because we had started our family too soon but we worked on it. We were happy with our little bundle of joy. Your big brown eyes got us through every struggle. Then, after six years of marriage.. she left one day.

"Just like my mom did. All I found when I came home that day after working a 12 hour shift was a note. Turns out she was tired of playing house and she had cheated on me several times. She didn't want to be a mother. She gave full rights to me. After seven years of being a parent to you and after six of being married to me she walked away.

"I was very protective of my heart. I dated women after women and married several times. But Raiden, when I met Adeline all the hatred of my mother and your mother went out the door. All my hate and fear disappeared. I realized that it was ridiculous to hold hatred and anger for people who got me to the place I am. I do regret being so mad and angry, but that's the past.

"Every morning, when I wake up with Adeline, I realize everything was worth it. In a way, I forgive my mother and yours."

I didn't look at my father. He was right. All the hatred, was stupid and pointless. But I couldn't help but feel it inside. I couldn't help but feel at fault. And I wanted to keep myself safe, I wanted to stay away from the pain my dad went through. I would keep pushing October away because even though she would be a sister to me and that's completely harmless, I didn't want to feel the pain when her and Adeline gave up on me.

Sure, my dad understood. But he didn't understand completely. I've been through Rehab because of my mother. I didn't want any reason to have to go back.

He puts his hand on my shoulder in comfort. "I know it's hard right now. But I'm happy and one day you will be too."

I rolled my eyes. I didn't know if I ever would be happy.

"Fine, Fine, don't give me much to work with. I'll leave you out here to think. I know we fight a lot and don't see eye to eye, but I care about you Raiden."

I put my thumb up and finally my dad left me to be alone. I stared up at the moon and watched as bugs flew in the air. Why did life have to be so difficult? I just had one more year of school, one more year of living with Adeline and my dad- if it worked. Then finally I'd be out of my dads sticky web of let downs and depression and I could live my own life. Even if I was miserable. Maybe I could just be that crazy party guy,

It wouldn't be bad to go out to a club and spend a night with a girl without worrying about heartbreak or a real relationship. It would be.. easy.

Silently, I swore to that inside of my head.

The future was scary, but as long as I didn't fall "in love" like my dad did or put my trust in people like he did then my future would be fine.

The screen door opened again and I waited for Toby's mom to come sit next to me and give me a whole lecture about her (probably) sad life. Mine and Toby's parents were just sad and pathetic people. But who sat on the grass next to me was somebody unexpected.

Toby stared at me instead of smiling like a normal person would. She sat further from me then my dad did and she didn't say anything. I watched her in curiosity and finally she spoke up. "Sorry, no full moon tonight wolf man. You'll have to wait a few weeks until it's okay for you to run around humping peoples legs and peeing on trees."

"Well, so much for my peaceful night outside. You're like a moth and I'm the light. You never leave me alone."

She made her hands into fists and rubbed her eyes. "Waa waa waa. You whine to much."

I pushed her shoulder gently so that I didn't hurt her. Not that I cared, but I mean, she is a girl. "Isn't it passed your bed time, kiddo?"

Toby laughed. "Ha. No, It's only midnight. I wont be asleep till like around three."

"Why?"

"It's just how I've been since like eight years ago I was used to waking up constantly so eventually I just got used to staying up.. and even though it's been so long it's just how I've been." She admitted and I seen the sadness in her eyes that she was trying to hide. I wanted to ask but kept my mouth shut I wasn't willing to share any information with her either.

"I see." I simply said.

She nodded. "I just wanted you to know something."

I looked at her. It sounded serious and deep. "What?"

Toby smiled gently and scooted closer. She grabbed my hand and put it on her heart. "I.."
I shivered. "I hate you."

And with another smile she flipped me off and left me sitting in the backyard by myself. Stupid, bitch.

Wellllll, at least it was quiet now.