Innocence

I awoke from a disturbing dream with sweat streaming all over my body. I looked over to the calender on my end table. Today, was Rosie's birthday. My little sister. Guilt drenched me when I realized I had forgotten about her and my father. I was so filled with pain about Preston I forgot about my own flesh and blood.

My heart got heavy. Rosie would have been ten today. She was my angel in the dark. Every time I was sad she was there. Maybe she didn't understand, but she was still there.

The clock read 10:30 a.m and I knew that my mom was probably already awake. I sighed. I didn't know how chaotic things would be when I went down the stairs. I dressed quickly in all black and put on the necklace Rosie picked out for me when I was ten. I wasn't sure if I would cry today but I didn't want too. I haven't cried for two years.

I haven't seen her grave since her last birthday. It was a tradition. Every year, on Rosie's birthday we would go see her grave. I hoped that Ben and Raiden wouldn't come along. It's not like they knew my sister and it would be just weird with them coming along. It has just been my mom and I for the last two years. And before that it was me, mom, dad, and Preston. He had practically been family. He loved Rosie. And Rosie loved him.

After getting dressed I forced myself out of my room and down the stairs. When I finally got to the living room I searched around for my mom. When I couldn't find her I looked outside to see her car gone.

Did they leave without me?

"They went to church." I turned around and Raiden was standing behind me. Church?! We never went to church, especially not if it was someone's birthday. "You look angry, just for the record, my dad convinced her."

I stared blankly at him.

"Is your fashion sense bipolar?" He said pointing to my outfit while looking me up in down. "You seem to dress like a different stereotype every day. Now all the others were ridiculous but this is the worst. You look like you're going to a funeral."

My hands clinched into fists. I wanted to hit him. He didn't even understand. Sure, it wasn't his business but I would expect my mom to let them know what we would have to do today. But of course, my mom would go to church the day of her dead daughters birthday. It's so nice how she cares. Just because she has a new son and fiancee she forgets about her husband and her daughter.

Before I did anything I would regret, I turned away from Raiden and stormed out of the house without my cell phone or keys. I didn't care if they thought I ran away. If my mom was smart enough to remember what today was she would know where to find me.

The cemetery was an half an hour drive. So I suspected to be walking for quite sometime. But I didn't care. I would walk to the end of the the world (if there was an end) for my baby sister.

It started to rain when I was half way there. The rain never really bothered me so I continued to walk without even so much as flinching from the rain. It felt nice compared to all the heat we had been under these last few months.

After what seemed like hours I finally had made my way to the cemetery and made my way to Rosie's grave.

I fell to my knees in front of her headstone and I put my hand against the picture of her on the headstone. We had spent a lot of money on it. It was pink stone with her picture on it and it had several inscriptions on it. The headstone was a heart and an angel was standing behind it, in a protective way. Some people we knew talked about how it was way to big and we spent way to much money on it for just a child, but to me, every penny was worth it.

I felt tears in my eyes and deep inside me I really wanted to cry. To let out the pain I had bottled up for so long but I was scared I wouldn't be able to stop.

The grass underneath me that had grown over the dirt lump was wet and slippery. Mud was caking on my jeans but I didn't care.

I just wanted it to end, I didn't want to hurt anymore. That was my whole reasoning for not caring about anyone and not loving because I wouldn't get hurt anymore but somehow, the not caring hurt even more. If only I would have gone with my dad and Preston that day. I could be with all three of them now. Sure, my mom would be alone but she would have found Ben in the end and then she would still have had Raiden for a son.

She would have been fine.

I dug my nails into the ground. I should have died too.

Foot steps soaked into the soggy ground behind me. They found me. I didn't know how long I had been setting on her grave but the rain had gotten worse and mud was everywhere.

Hesitantly, I turned around. My whole body relaxed when I saw my favorite hoodie clad person. His brown hair was dripping down his cheeks and his green eyes held worry. I tried to smile at him but it didn't work. I couldn't move the corners of my mouth into a smile. They stayed in what I now realized was a frown.

I wondered why he was there.

"Raiden called your mom because he was concerned about you walking off and he asked her if it was normal. She was worried and of course said no and then called me. She asked if you were at my house. After she explained and I looked at the date on my phone, I said you were at my house." Keith explained through the rain.

I nodded. And he walked over to me cautiously. When he reached me I pulled him into a tight hug and didn't let go.

"Oh, Toby, I'm so sorry. I know it hurts. I know."

Tears tugged at my eyelids but I wouldn't let them go. I just held tighter. "I just wish I could be with her, you know?"

He pulled away and he sat in the mud next to me. I appreciated that he didn't care if he got mud on him or not. He was always carefree. "Yes, I know, babe. She was a great girl. I can't understand why somebody would kill her." I saw tears drip down his cheeks. I wish I could cry like he did. He would be able to stop. I wouldn't. He wasn't crying for me though. He was crying for him. I knew him since I was little and he knew Rosie well. Rosie adored him. His pain was real.

She was like a sister to everyone that we knew. She brightened everyone.

He wiped his eyes. "I know you still hurt. More than anyone does. Even though you don't cry we all see how bad the pain hurts you. Rosie wouldn't want you to be sad." He grabbed my face with his hands. "It's okay." he said mimicking the thing Rosie would do each time I cried. "You remember that? When you're sad just think of Rosie doing that. She would not want you suffering."

Keith was right. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. Our relationship was always like this. He called me babe, kissed my cheek and forehead, and we said that we loved each other but it was strictly platonic.

I kissed my hand and then touched Rosie's headstone. "I love you, Rosie. I miss you and I'm sorry. I'll be back soon, sweetie. Don't forget me."

Keith put his hand on the headstone and smiled. "Love you, Rosie Posie." He turned to me and unraveled his arm from me. "Ready to go home?"

I nodded and we stood up together.

Silently we made our way out of the cemetery and to Keith's car. We were both muddy and gross but Keith didn't care about his car getting dirty at the moment.

Keith held my hand the whole way home.