Fix Me, Conflict Me

Maddie wasn’t ignoring me, we just weren’t talking as much or as often as we used to. Which was fine by me. She was just working hard at all her jobs, and we were working hard, too. We were recording our new album, Rian and I were moving into our own house together…Lots of exciting stuff that kept us busy and away from each other. I missed those lazy days where we had more time than we knew what to do with, though. I missed those times when we would walk Baz together and talk about nothing and everything and all the things in-between.

What happened?

“I bet she misses you more than me,” I laughed to my dog. He lived with Rian and I now. I was so glad Rian was ok with it. I would’ve brought Baz anyway, though.

Baz was quietly gnawing on a raggedy old chew toy that used to be a squeaky stuffed penguin. I pet him slowly, trying to ignore the feeling of emptiness I always got because I was usually in this big new house alone. Rian was out with Jack today. They invited me, but I wasn't feeling up to hanging out with them today. Zack always seemed to be with Bailey, or when he wasn’t, he was content with being alone, but not me. I decided to go to Maddie’s apartment to surprise her…but I was the one that was surprised.

“…about to get back together. So, you can stay the hell away from Alex Gaskarth!” Lisa yelled, while Maddie just leaned on the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest and a smirk on her face.

“Yelling gets you nowhere, Lisa. Well, except out of your job, as we learned last week. I don’t even want to know how you found out where I live. I just want you to leave now.”

“Why, so you can do your lines of cocaine in peace?” Maddie’s face fell. “Yeah, I know about that. Alex told me about it when we went on a date last week,” Lisa said, a smirk growing on her own face.

“Date?” I spoke up, getting their attention. “Lisa, the only time I saw you – no, wait, I didn’t even see you. The only time I heard of you last week was when my parents said you kept coming by the house looking for me, but I was never there.” Lisa had that “deer-in-headlights” look on her face. Maddie looked a little bit relieved, but I knew the mention of that word always made her uncomfortable. “Please leave, Lisa. I know we had something in high school, but it’s over now. Or was me walking in on you having sex with another guy while you were dating me and holding a knife in my hand not clear enough for you?”

Lisa’s eyes got big and teary when I shoved past her to kiss Maddie hard. Even when we heard her leave, we kept on kissing. I hadn’t had her lips on mine in so long. “That was so mean,” Maddie giggled when I pulled back for air. “But it was great.”

“What was she doing here?”

“She likes to piss me off when it comes to you,” Maddie mumbled, and I saw depression seep into her face.

I took her head in my hands, holding it so she could look me in the eye. “Madison, I want you to know now that whatever Lisa told you about me is not true. Is…probably not true,” I amended under my breath. Seeing Lisa again was still such a shock to me.

“So the part where she said you guys dated for a few years and would have continued to be dating if it wasn’t for a little crack whore like me could or could not be true?”

“Maddie…”

“Talk to me,” she sighed, opening her door wide and walking into her apartment. Maddie strolled into her living room and turned down the volume. She was watching the fucking weather channel. Maddie sat down on her couch and motioned for me to sit beside her.

“Like I said, we had a thing in high school, but even in high school it was on and off. Usually off. She just, she gets to me at my weakest, and she’s got me just like that,” I sighed, snapping my fingers before lacing my fingers together at the back of my head. “It’s not fair. She wasn’t really there for me when Daniel died…I didn’t know it was because she had already found someone else… I walked in on her in bed with another guy. It was…It was…”

Maddie pulled me into a hug. “Ok. It’s ok, Lex.”

“So…” I shifted so we were spooning on the couch. “Your turn.”

Maddie laughed and I felt her playing with my fingers. “I didn’t know we worked at the same restaurant…it was just funny. She hated me, and she tried to blame all these, like, broken dishes or shattered drinking glasses on me, but she was caught on the surveillance cameras, so fuck that plan. Plus, she straight up screamed that I was a boyfriend stealing slut or something along those lines one day at work while the restaurant was packed. It was too funny!”

I rolled my eyes, kissing Maddie’s shoulder. “It honestly doesn’t bother you?”

“Nope,” Maddie said cheerfully.

I sighed, inhaling her sweet, familiar scent. I missed it. “Maddie?”

“Yeah?”

“…I love you.”

“Thank you.”

And I felt my heart ice over.

Maddie quickly turned around to face me. “I’m just teasing you, Alex. I love you, too.”

“Fuck, Maddie, that was mean!” I swore, sweet relief crashing down on me.

Maddie laughed and leaned up to kiss my neck. “Sorry. I just…Alex, you make me so happy,” Maddie murmured, snuggling into my chest. “Can we just cuddle like this for…forever and a day, or something?”

I grinned, kissing her forehead. “Of course, Maddie…” Sure enough, she fell asleep. She looked so peaceful in her sleep. All the bruises had faded, but she still looked tired. The doctor said she didn’t get pregnant, thank god. I felt like she was working too hard, though, and I really hated the thought of her living here alone. I put a pillow under her head and got up to go use the bathroom, but when I passed her room, I heard her phone ringing. I quickly got in and shut the door, trying to find it and silence it before it woke her up.

I found it in the turtle shell. Maddie said back when Cooper was a nice guy, he got her this turtle at Build-A-Bear. The shell of the turtle was like a backpack, and you could even put stuff inside. I felt bad, checking her texts, but… it did say it was from Cooper.

[Hey bitch, are you still comin by to pick up your fix tonight?]

My mouth went dry and I slowly placed her phone back in the turtle shell when my fingers collided with a small plastic bag inside it. Closer examination made my worst fears true. It was cocaine.

How could Maddie hide this from me?

I put the phone, cocaine, and turtle back where I found it. Maddie was still asleep on the couch. I took a sheet of paper from her desk and a Sharpie to write her a message of my own. I clipped it to the fridge, taking one last look at her before leaving her apartment.

I couldn’t believe she was doing those drugs again behind my back. I was angry at that, of course, but what infuriated me was that she still kept in touch with Cooper, after all the shit he put her through. And now she was one of his loyal customers to boot. It was confounding.

Maybe Lisa was right to call Maddie a crack whore.