Fix Me, Conflict Me

I pushed the button on the treadmill and hopped off before bending over, hands on my knees, gasping for breath.”Dude…how do you do it…?” I wheezed, while Zack simply laughed, trotting on the treadmill at what appeared to be a leisurely pace.

Since Maddie didn’t want anything to do with me for the rest of the month, I started hanging out with the guys more. It’s not like they missed me, but they knew I needed them, so they were up for anything, which was awesome. I don’t know why I decided to go to the gym with Zack on a daily basis, though. I must be stupid. “You’re out of shape, man!”

“Not all of us can have chiseled abs,” I panted, sitting down and cracking open my bottle of Gatorade. I went to the gym with Zack a lot since Jack, Rian and I went to the mall for Cinnabon a lot. Cinnabon is the shit. I felt like such a chick, though – eating comfort food and more or less doing nothing but moping around…yeah, that must be why I decided to hit the gym with Zack.

“Alex…” Zack finished running and joined me on the bench. “Have you talked to Maddie lately?” he asked quietly, opening up his aluminum water bottle and drinking out of it.

“No…she told me not to, so…” Zack hit me in the head with his water bottle. “Ouch! Hey!”

“You dumbass. You have to learn these things. You have to look for what a girl means in what she says, because what she means and what she says are two totally different things,” Zack scolded me.

“But…Maddie said…”

“I’m telling you, Maddie actually wants you to miss her.”

“Oh my god, I totally miss her!”

“She wants you to do something about it, bro. She told you she doesn’t want to talk to you? Lies. You know what she wants? She wants you to go to her and, like, win her over all over again. Trust me, Bailey and I have been through this.”

My eyes widened in alarm. “You cheated on Bailey?”

Zack’s expression went blank, so I knew better than to pry. “We’re past it now.”

“So…to get past it…I have to go to Maddie?”

“Don’t rush it, though. It’s only been…a week or so, right?”

“It’s only been a week?” I whined, cradling my head in my hands. “Forever’s never seemed so long…”

Zack sighed and patted my back. “Start with the little things. Take baby steps. They’re still steps. I mean, I did the whole, flowers and other romantic paraphernalia, but something tells me Maddie’s not that kind of girl. You know her. You know what she likes. You guys will be fine. It would suck if you guys don’t stay together. Bailey’s her best friend, so I’d never hear the end of it,” Zack laughed.

I grinned and pushed back my sweaty bangs. “Oh, I’d hate to subject you to that…”

I couldn’t go on when Zack moved over to lift weights, though. I waited for him, and then we went our separate ways. I couldn’t focus, thanks to Maddie. I wonder if she thought about me as much as I thought about her…


I cleared my throat, adjusting the headphones and flipping the paper back to the front. I had to sing the first verse of this song again. This song was yet another song about Maddie. It felt good to be back in the studio and to get all my feelings out onto paper. This album was going to be epic, I could tell.

“You’re just a daydream away. I wouldn’t know what to say if I had you. So, I’ll keep you a daydream away, just watch from a safe place so I never have to lose…”

This song made it hurt less. It wasn’t my favorite, though. My favorite was the one we were recording after lunch today.

“Hey, Alex – you should go see Maddie today.”

I was just about to sink my teeth into my Chick-Fil-A sandwich, but stopped when Zack said that. Jack and Rian were still in line. It had been another week, and then some – almost the end of the month. I didn’t want to cave now.

“Seriously, bro…Bailey said Maddie was really bummed out today because she didn’t get accepted to Loyola.” I frowned. Loyola was Maddie’s dream school, but she was willing to settle for the University of Maryland. “You should definitely go see her today, Alex.”

“I’ll drop by when we wrap up at the studio,” I muttered, drizzling my fries with Chick-Fil-A sauce.

I was excited to go back to the studio for this one song, though. It was my favorite on the album.

“Is this what it feels like? Finding out that I've got the guts to say anything. Feels like breaking out when I can give up my reputation. Finally, I can see, honestly, I've got the guts to say anything.”

Maja Ivarrson would come record her vocals later. I was so excited to be working with someone like her. She just had a really powerful voice.

I took Zack’s advice and went to Maddie, bringing Baz along for the ride. I knew Maddie would love to see him again. It's been so long. I was so nervous, though. Maybe Zack was wrong…I shouldn’t be here…Wait, I’m already in the parking lot of her apartment complex…No, I’ve got time to turn around…No, I need to see her again.

Finally, I worked up the guts to see Maddie. I loved that song, “Guts.” I felt like that’s what I needed. I think I wrote it because I never had to guts to own up to my mistakes, the guts to carry on without Daniel, until Maddie. I exhaled sharply, taking Baz’s leash off when I got to the door of her apartment. I decided to play a little ding dong ditch and surprise Maddie, first. I put Baz on the mat in front of Maddie’s door. It took me a while to get him to sit still, but when I did, I rung the doorbell and ran around the corner, peeking out to see if Maddie would open the door.

I was a little shocked at first, and then absolutely furious when some guy in jeans and a hoodie opened the door. “What the hell?” I heard him mutter, but then Baz started barking furiously at him, trying to bite at his ankles. I felt my eyes water. Maybe she cheated on me so I would know how it feels to be cheated on, but...

Then I heard Maddie screaming, “HELP ME!”

The hooded figure quickly kicked Baz away and ran back inside, slamming the door behind him. I heard yelling and screaming through the door and then chilling silence.

Panting, I fumbled with my phone, dropping it a few times before I picked it up and managed to finally dial 911. “911, what’s your emergency?”

“Somebody broke into my girlfriend’s apartment…”

And I had a sick feeling I knew who it was.