Fix Me, Conflict Me

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. Everything smelled so good when it rains. I heard the door slide open, and just a moment later, Maddie wrapped her arms around my waist, hugging me from behind. “Morning,” she yawned cutely, and I felt her rubbing her face into my shoulder.

Today was a big day for us, which was why we spent last night together…if you know what I mean. Hahaha. But it really was a big day for us. This was my last day at home, and then we were leaving on the tour bus super early tomorrow morning. And…This was Maddie’s first day of rehab.

I really, really wanted her to go, because the doctors recommended it for her, and I just wanted the best for her. I still couldn’t believe Maddie agreed to go. “I love you.” Maddie laughed softly, and I felt her grip on me loosen. I’m not gonna lie, that kind of worried me. I turned around so I could hug her properly. “What are you thinking about?”

Maddie sighed, looking over my shoulder at nothing in particular. “Do you remember the first time you met me?”

“Absolutely…you were one stupid bitch.”

Maddie scoffed and slapped my chest, but we were both laughing. “No, I mean…why were you even running around in the rain? What the hell was going through your brain, you know?”

I sighed, trying to remember that night, but I subconsciously tried to forget it, I think. I didn’t really like to think about that rainy night. I never knew I could be violent like that, and I didn’t want to think of what could have happened to Maddie if I didn’t get to her in time. “We had, um…I just got home from Daniel’s wake.”

“…Oh.”

“I was really upset about everything, and I was just – I needed a walk. And…you needed me, so, things work out.” Maddie smiled before leaning up to kiss me. “Get dressed,” I chuckled after breaking the kiss before things got too heated again. “I want to take you somewhere.”

Maddie strolled into her apartment, casually dropping her robe to the floor and sauntering into the bathroom completely naked. “Where?”

...Fucking. Tease. “It’s a surprise.”

Maddie took a quick shower and got dressed. Maddie let me keep some of my clothes here for nights like this, so I took a shower and got dressed, too. I wish we just showered together already, but I knew if we did we’d never leave her apartment. “Ready to go?” Maddie asked, pulling the hood of the hoodie I gave her the first time we met. It was raining like that day, too. I nodded, and we ran through the rain to my car, cranking up some Newfound Glory after it got started. We went to the Paper Moon Diner first for some lunch. This used to be “our place”, “our” referring to me and Daniel…but, now, it was “our place”, as in me and Maddie. That made me happy.

The rain stopped before we finished eating, thank god. After lunch, we dropped by Publix because I felt like bringing Daniel flowers. Maddie was puzzled for a while, but she understood when we rolled up to the cemetery. Maddie held my hand as we walked up to Daniel’s grave. “Hey, Daniel,” I said quietly, putting the flowers down. “This is my amazing girlfriend, Maddie.”

“H-Hi, Daniel,” Maddie murmured uncertainly, which made me smile. Maybe people thought I was crazy for always coming here and talking to a gravestone, but no – I was talking to my brother, and I was happy that Maddie did, too. I was pretty nervous about bringing her here, but I was glad that I did. “Are you alright?” she asked after a few minutes, taking my hand in hers again.

“I just wish you could have met him when he was alive.”

“Me, too…”

I breathed a sigh of relief, straightening to my full height. Maddie wrapped her arms around me tightly. I returned the hug and kissed the top of her head. I don’t know how long we stood there, but it started to rain again. “Ah, fuck,” I swore, looking up at the dark sky. “It better not be all rainy and shit when we start touring…”

“Alex, let’s go,” Maddie whined, pulling her hood over her head. But I pulled her hoodie back down so I could kiss her in the rain. Maddie loves corny stuff like that. “You’re making me miss you already, and you haven’t even left yet,” Maddie laughed softly when we were both in the car now. I didn’t really care that we were both soaked. My car had leather seats.

“That was really hard for me to do – take you to see Daniel with me, I mean,” I admitted as I drove away. “So…now, it’s your turn,” I said with a mischievous grin. We had to go back to her place and change again, though. After that…I took her to the rehab center.

Her first session today was going to be an hour long, and I wasn’t allowed to go inside with her. I waited in the car, though, playing around on my phone and just wondering what the fuck was going on in there. Maddie was really hesitant about rehab, but I think she was only doing it to make me happy, which was fine. And she only agreed to it because I was paying for it. I really think she needed it. Not just rehab, but closure. And, boy, did we get closure from Cooper’s court case. He was going to be in jail for life.

“How was it?” I asked when she came into the car again. Maddie just looked at me, sighed, and leaned back, closing her eyes. “What?”

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this. We sat around and talked about what we used, how often we used, all that shit. And I have to go back there once a week? Fuck my life!” Maddie groaned as I began to drive back to her apartment.

I tried not to laugh. Maddie didn’t swear often, and hearing her swear so much now was just…funny! “Does it…make you feel better?”

Maddie folded her arms across her chest. “You’re leaving for an eternity of tour. Nothing could make me feel better at this point.”

I frowned, taking her hand and kissing the anchor tattoo on the side of her palm. “Maddie, I want to be with you tonight, tomorrow and forever, and it can’t happen now, but just know that it will happen someday. The few hours I spent with you today are worth the thousand of hours I’ll spend without you on tour. A lot of people walk in and out of my life, but... you're one of the only ones I ever really wanted to stick around.”

“Stop. Being. So. Corny,” Maddie complained, even though her eyes were watering.

“I’m not trying to be corny, I’m trying to be honest,” I chuckled, pulling into the parking lot of her apartment complex with a sigh. “I…have to go now. We need to load up and pack up the bus and our stuff for tour.”

“Ok,” Maddie sighed, kissing me one last time before leaving the car.

“Maddie, wait!” I yelled, quickly opening my door. “…Here,” I said as I handed her an envelope. She opened it, pulling out the slip of paper with an arched eyebrow. “VIP Tickets for our show at Rams Head Live,” I explained.”Because, you know, you’re the first thing I want to see when I come home…”

Maddie threw her arms around me and told me she loved me, but I sighed.

Tour would be rough without her.