Fix Me, Conflict Me

“Me and you, living under a paper moon. This real life just isn’t right.
Let’s fabricate.
Me and you, living under a paper moon. This real life just isn’t right.
Let’s get away…”

We were in Jack’s basement, practicing a new song I wrote that may or may not be about Maddie, when Zack stopped playing his bass line. “Um, what the fuck?” Jack laughed, but I knew he was just as irritated as the rest of us were. We all stopped playing.

After our time at the Paper Moon diner, all I could think about was Maddie. Well, I thought about Daniel, too, but I tried not to think about him as much. The only thoughts I had of him now were thoughts like, “Why him instead of me?” and “If I could have just stopped him, he’d still be alive.”

Maddie helped me stop blaming myself.

“Hold on…it’s Bailey,” Zack muttered, putting down his infamous pink bass guitar and picking up his phone. “Babe?” he answered the phone, and we all groaned.

“Zack, have you forgotten the no phone policy we have at practice?” Rian said loudly. “I mean, come on, I’m not even allowed to talk to Cassadee during band practice!”

“Could you guys shut up? I’m sorry, but she’s been calling me nonstop and-“ Zack fell silent. We heard Bailey screaming on the other end of his phone. “Bay, slow down. It’s gonna be ok. Which hospital?” Even Jack stopped fooling around. We all fell silent as Zack dragged his hand down his face. “What?...Ok, I’ll tell him. We’ll be there soon, babe. Just calm down…alright, bye.”

“What’s going on?” Rian asked, concerned.

“Alex,” Zack said my name, looking at me. “Bailey’s in the hospital…with Maddie.”

Jack and Rian looked at me, too. “Who’s Maddie?” Jack asked, wiggling his big eyebrows at me.

My mouth felt really dry all of a sudden. I put my guitar down.

“Let’s go.”

Zack drove us to the hospital in complete silence. I was worried sick, not knowing what was wrong with Maddie. What could have happened to Maddie that had Bailey screaming and sobbing to Zack over the phone? “Hi, could you tell us where Madison Bonner is, please?” Zack politely asked the lady at the E.R. desk.

“You can’t see her, but you can wait outside with her friend. I’m afraid Madison is in the ICU.”

That got me dizzy. How could Maddie of all people wind up there? “Come on, bro,” Zack muttered, pushing me in the direction of the ICU. We were there in a few minutes. “Bailey?”

Bailey was sitting on a bench outside the ICU with a box of tissues on her left and a trash can to her right. She looked up at the sound of her name. Zack left me to rush to hug her and that was fine with me. I hesitantly stepped up to the window to see into Maddie’s room…

I wish I didn’t.

There were three doctors inside, all hovering about Maddie’s still, slight frame on the hospital bed. When they moved around to grab something from a table, I saw what was wrong with her. Maddie’s left arm from her wrist to the inside of her elbow was shredded to red ribbons.

I don’t know what happened exactly, but the next thing I knew, I was hunched over the trash can, puking my guts out with Bailey gently rubbing my back and holding up my hair. “I know, I know, I didn’t think she would do something like this either,” Bailey murmured as I gasped for breath when I finished vomiting.

I staggered over to the nearest bathroom to wash my mouth out. I couldn’t believe Maddie cut herself. She knew how badly suicide affected the ones you left behind. Why was she trying to kill herself?

Didn’t she know how much she affected me?

“No, but I’m her best friend,” I heard Bailey tell one of the doctors. “C-Can you tell me what’s going on with her now?”

“She’s lost a lot of blood, but only the cuts are self inflicted…do you know anything about the bruises around her torso and neck?” Bailey’s eyes widened and she shook her head. The doctor sighed and scribbled something onto her chart. “There were also a lot of drugs in her system… Do you if know she uses cocaine? It’s the only drug that explains all her symptoms, and it appears she’s overdosed on that…” Again, Bailey shook her head as a fresh wave of tears began. “She was also…er, raped,” the doctor told Bailey quietly, but I still heard.

My knees gave out, but Zack helped me over to the bench Bailey had been sitting on. “Oh my god,” Bailey whispered, her hand covering her mouth as she turned to look at Madison. The doctors were gone now, leaving Maddie in the room alone.

“She’s not gonna-“ One of the doctors began when he exited the room, but stopped when he saw Bailey crying. “Er…she needs more blood. Now,” he told the doctor with the chart.

“We don’t have enough of her blood type,” I heard the chart doctor mutter, trying not to let us hear.

I quickly got to my feet and rolled up my sleeves. “I can give some blood.”

“Me too,” Bailey said quickly.

“Yeah, me too,” Zack added.

But when we all got tested… Zack was the wrong type. Maddie’s body would reject his blood. Bailey was too light to give blood. Thank god I was heavy enough, and had a blood type Maddie’s body would accept. It took about twenty minutes for them to take a pint of my blood. I wanted to give more, but they said I couldn’t handle it, and Maddie was getting closer to a stable condition, anyways.

I watched them give Maddie my blood before sitting down on the bench with a sigh. Zack had gone out to grab us – mostly me – some Chick-Fil-A. I needed to eat after all that blood loss, and I wasn’t allowed to walk around, either, in case I fell and passed out or anything like that.

“Thank you so much, Alex,” Bailey sniffled, sitting down beside me. “I know I don’t know you really well, and I don’t know how well you know Maddie, but I can tell you we’re so grateful to you for what you’ve done.”

“Bailey…Tell me what happened to Maddie…”