Love within Ashes

Chapter 11: One word: Embarrassed

Horrendous, horrible, deserted party ever. Billy and the gang didn’t show up, so Aubrey decided to invite a couple of her co-workers and some decent friends. We were six in total. Aubrey was the life of the party, while I was sitting on the couch, thinking about Billy. I describe myself as.... PATHETIC! Stupid Billy, and his stupid lips, and his stupid blue eyes, and his stupid presence. Ugh!

I solicited Aubrey to tell her guests that it was just a common party, not my birthday, since I wasn’t acquainted with anybody. She agreed and she became the host. All I did was cleaned and tried to keep an eye on people. I prevented people from having sex in my room, going to any room, stealing paintings, and stealing sculptures I had. The only thing they could borrow was the beer and cake. As you can imagine I didn’t had that much fun. So I pretended that I was in the prom I never went. The party sucked but at least I met people who were not gangsters. Aubrey introduced me to one of her friends, it was a man, his name was Arthur. He was almost my age, I dare say a little bit older than me. He wore glasses, and, in height, he was smaller than me. He had black long hair and a pedo mustache. I was a little bit grossed out by his mustache, it wasn’t nothing like Billy’s goatee. And again, why am I comparing people with Billy? Ugh! The rest of the people were dancing, drinking or making out. Aubrey invited them at 4:00 pm and by 8’o clock I threw the party off. I couldn’t stand it! Aubrey went home and she assured me that something had happened in the Office and that was why they couldn’t make it. Excuses! Excuses! I decided to clean a little bit. Yes, I admit it, I’m a clean freak. That’s my way to relax in some ... weird way. Gosh, I’m weird and pathetic. I didn’t change clothes. I wore a little white strapless dress and blue navy heels to the party. I loved that outfit, and it was all for Billy. I put on my apron to clean the dishes with style. Just when I put on my latex gloves, the door bell rang. I thought that that could be Aubrey, so I went downstairs and opened the front door.

“Hi," said Arthur when I opened the door.

“Hello?” I said confused and wondering why the heck he was here.

“Oh, sorry, I left my cell phone. I was wondering if I could have it back," he said with his high pitch voice.

I swear, if he didn’t had his mustache, I will mistake him for a woman. He wasn’t that ugly, he just needed to be a bit polished. He was nothing like Billy, who can look like a hobo and still swift me off my feet.

“Sure, come in. But be quick I have to leave in a couple of minutes," I lied, I was sorry but I didn’t wanted him in my apartment, with me alone.

“Oh, sure, no problem.”

He went upstairs as I waited for him in the front door. In just sixty seconds he was with his cell phone and in the hallway.

“Thanks. Good party, by the way," he said as he gazed at me weirdly.

“Thanks to you, for coming," I tried to be as polite as possible.

“Listen," he said as he strolled a couple of steps outside my door, “you seemed quite sad, tonight. I just wanted to say, that, your paintings, are... really cool.”

“Oh, thank you. You saw them?”

“Yeah, the one that’s on the wall.”

“Oh, yeah, thank you... Good night!”

“See you soon?”

“Sure.”

“Here’s my number, just call me if you need a free drink or a free shoulder to cry.”

“Whoa, this guy is leaping big steps," I thought.

“Thanks! I’ll make sure to call you... if I want a free drink,” I said to him.

We said goodbye and the guy left.

“Where were we, yucky dishes?” I asked to the sink full of dishes.

Just when I was going to lift a dish, the door bell rang again. Gosh! Now who could possibly be? In a bit irritated mood went down and opened the front door.

“Who the fuck was that?” asked a fuming Billy as soon as I opened the door.

“Billy?” I muttered in shock, since I wasn’t expecting him.

“No, no, no. He wasn’t fucking Billy. I’m sure of that," he said as he entered my apartment.

He was really mad, his nostrils were flaring and his eyes were fumingly icy.

“I asked you a fucking simple question, Emma? Who from all the humans in the whole fucking universe was that punk?”

“He’s Aubrey’s friend," I held as calm and unaltered as I could pretend. Jesus, Billy here just made me want to jump on him and kiss him. I confess I was happy to see him here. It’s better late than never.

“Oh, Aubrey’s friend? Well— is Aubrey here?” he asked sarcastically and pissed as he lighted a cigarette that was between his lips, his gorgeous lips.

“No.”

“If he’s Aubrey’s friend and Aubrey‘s not here... Then, what the fuck he was doing here with you alone?”

He stared at me as I stared at his inside, he was jealous, I could sense it. I smiled, went to the coat-hanger, and grabbed his jacket, the one he gave me last night.

“He forgot his cell phone, that’s all," I said as I placed his jacket on his hands, "You know you can’t smoke in here. Please, put that out.”

He dragged one last smoke, and threw it off outside the door. Then he sighed altered.

“Here you go. That’s why you came, right? For your stupid jacket? There you have it! Now, if you don’t have anything else to do here, I will ask you to leave and have a goodnight," I supposed, hoping for a good reaction.

“He only came for his cell phone, eh?”

“Yes! For Peter’s Sake!”

“How did the party went?”

“It went..... good. It was.... fun, yeah, fun.”

“Then why the long face? You missed me?” he asked with a smirk while he gazed at me.

“Huh?.... No!” I lied as I thought, “What do you think , you dummy?”

“Well.." he moved around me, walking slowly and seductively. As he did that, I felt his eyes all over me. Strangely, I felt comfortable with it.

“'Well?' Aren’t you gonna leave?” I asked ignoring his eyes all over me.

“Yes, I will leave... I have date with a hot broad. And I‘m already late.”

“A date?!” I asked.

As he nodded and smiled, I thought that he was such a mean guy, mean, really mean. Now he was rubbing in my face that he was going in a date. Ass!

“Yeah!” he laughed.

“Oh, well, have fun!” I said mad as hell while I shut the door on his face.

The door bell rang once again... I was just mad, I was freaking angry.

“WHAT?!” I yelled at him when I opened the door.

“What the fuck are you doing standing there?! Get your fucking jacket and get in!” he said while he lighted another cigarette and walked towards his car.

By the past experiences I did as he told me, grabbed the first jacket I saw and got out of the apartment.

“What do you want, Billy?” I asked as I placed my arms on my hips and glared at him.

“I want my fucking date, that’s what I want!” he said playfully and got into the car.

I stood in front of the passenger’s door thinking about his words, puzzled, confused. He groaned and got out of the car, walked to where I was and opened the passenger’s door, mimicking a valet parking dude. I got into the car, but I was just pissed. Not only because the way he was acting, but because of the way he treated me earlier. He drove slowly and didn’t looked at me not even once.

“Aren’t you going to apologize?” I asked coldly.

“For what?” he double asked, with his eyes on the road.

“For what? For what?!! You fucking treated me like a-,” I inhaled closing my eyes and continued more calmly, “ Your behavior earlier today, was not the most pleasant one. I demand an apology.”

He looked surprised and then he snorted, “Who are you, the queen of fucking England?”

“THAT’S IT! Stop the car! Now! Stop the car!” I screamed to him and I threw my hands in the air as he flinched a bit, I swear.

He stopped the car abruptly.

“What the fuck is your problem?” he frowned.

I got out of the car and started to walk on the sidewalk, leaving him behind. I was really mad, and only a sweet apology would tranquilize me. He drove the car slowly next to me. I ignored him, but he was looking at me.

“C’mon, Emma, get in the car," he coldly pleaded from the driver’s sit looking at me through the passenger’s window.

I ignored him and continued my pace. I could be pathetic and naive, but I had my pride. I won’t take crap from anyone, including Billy. He thinks he can handle me like he wanted, well he was wrong and I was going to prove it.

“I’m sorry, ok? Now get in the goddamn car!” I turned to where the car was, and glared at him.

I walked unhurriedly to the passenger’s door and I leaned forward, putting my head inside the car, and showing a bit of my cleavage. I admit, it felt kinda hookerish but I knew he would fall for it.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t hear you. What did you say?” I asked with a seductive smile.

Grandma was right, men think they control their woman, but the truth is that women control their man. He looked down my cleavage and stared for a while.

“Billy? What did you said?” I asked again seductively.

“I said I was sorry. You called in the wrong moment, Emma," he said leering seriously at me.

I got into the car, satisfied, and he grabbed my hand and kissed it, as usual. He drove and we got to a good restaurant out of Billy’s side of town. It was called Thaitanic, it was Thai food with American something, I don’t know. We entered and everybody stared at Billy with judging eyes. Billy was wearing a black tank top, his baggy jeans with his spike boots and his long leather black coat. But people only looked at his tattoos and intimidating presence. I felt bad, I didn’t know Billy was exposed to this rudeness and unfairness. People didn’t know him and they were just judging. I was mad, and wanted to leave but Billy insisted that he didn’t give a damn about what others thought.

“Here’s your table. My name is Elliot," said politely our waiter.

I walked to my chair and was going to sit but Elliot pulled the chair in a chivalrous way. Billy saw this and shove him subtly with his shoulder, pulling the chair for me, as I sat down. I giggled. It was funny, Billy had something that just made me want to smile. He sometimes looked like a kid, he acted like one too.

“Today’s special is Prawn tom yam with coconut milk," said the well-mannered Elliot, who was standing by my side, while he handed us the menus.

I looked down at the menu, searching for something that I liked. Thoughtless of me, Billy wasn’t the only one who got to see my cleavage that night.

“Hey, you! Get the fuck over here," Billy barked to the waiter, “Are you enjoying the fucking view? I hope you are not, stupid punk. Now, get the fuck out of here, when we’re ready we’ll call you? Are we clear?”

Billy snarled while he was grasping Elliot’s shirt tightly. The poor waiter’s eyes were popping out of fear as he nodded quavering and fleeing rapidly from our table. I couldn’t resist, I slightly giggled and smiled at the scene.

“Here,” Billy grumbled as he stood up and took off his long leather black coat, placing it over my shoulders and making sure that my cleavage doesn’t show.

“Get that fucking smile out of your face! Was it funny?”, he snarled. He was angry, really angry.

“Yes, very funny!”, I remarked playfully.

We ordered the day’s special and talked about things. It felt so good to feel comfortable eating and talking about things. He asked about some of my favorite things, what I liked, and I asked the same. We talked about the gang and he mentioned me that Joe was going to trial. When I asked why, he answered, “Because we are fucking worthless shit that are the easiest to blame on.”
I didn’t insisted in the subject since I knew it must have been tough to be raised in the streets. But in some way I wanted to let him know, that I had a difficult time while I was been raised and that I was going to be the last person in earth to judge him or any of them. I placed my hand on top of his, and smiled. He grasped my hand tightly and we interlocked our fingers. I told him about my life in Florida, and about the only guy I dated. He laughed his head off when I told him he was now a deacon. He snickered and mocked me about that subject. “Why did I told him that?”, I wondered. Although he mocked me about my love life, I could see that he was, I dare say, glad that he was my first real “boyfriend”, if we were that. Our relationship was not clear, but by the way he treated me I knew I was special to him and he was to me as well. It was wonderful to see him smiling and to hear his laugh. I didn’t asked about his past and the girls he “dated”, because there are some things that I don’t want to know and his past love life was one of them. We laughed and chatted. Who will believe that I was having a good time with a gang lord? While he was telling me a story of him and Bodie, when they were kids, in the only thing I could think was that he wasn’t only my lover, but he was becoming my friend and my confident. We ended up our food and Billy tipped the waiter $50 for being a “good” sport. I don’t know why he gave him so much money, I think he did it to lift up his ego. It was a man’s thing, and I didn’t understand. We go into the car and Billy turned on the engine.

“I got something for you," he said while he grabbed something from the back and the engine roared.

“You didn’t had to," I lied waiting for his detail.

“Happy Birthday," he said warmly as he handed me a colorful birthday bag.

I didn’t opened it, I wanted to see if he wrote something on the card.

“Aren’t you gonna open it?” he said as he exhaled a smoke of nicotine.

I decided to read the card later and started to open the bag. To my lovely surprise, inside the bag was my old purse, the one that I thought I lost for ever, when Billy’s gang blocked me and Paul in the bar’s alley.

“Oh my God! Billy! My purse!!!” I screamed delighted as I kissed his cheek. He smiled pleased at my reaction.

“You had it all this time? Since the alley? Oh!!! Thank you!!! Thank you!!! This was my favorite purse, I thought they will throw it away," I exclaimed as I looked at my purse’s inside, which had my wallet and my perfume examples, and my album and notebook.
I opened the album and looked at the pictures, remembering those times.

“You saw my pictures? Did you read my notebook?” I asked a little bit worried and embarrassed.

He nodded smiling.

I groaned, “Ah, how could you? That was private! Oh my... That is so impolite!”

“I needed to see who was the owner, so I checked and accidentally read the notebook," he explained blatantly while I looked swiftly through my notebook’s pages.

“I won’t consider you fat, and why do you hate your hips?, I think that’s one of your best features. And like hell you had a chance with that Johnny guy. Now he works at McDonald’s. What a dumb shit, from popular jock to lazy ass nobody," he teased me, as I gasped in embarrassment.

“You know who Johnny is?” I asked surprised.

“Yeah, had my boys searching him. That fat ass was hard to find. Why do you liked him in the first place?”

“Billy, I was 18, I don’t know," I answered, and then, I saw one of the last pages.

Those last pages were about Billy, about the first time I saw him. I described Billy in those pages, what I liked about him and what made me crazy. Geez, that’s why I always thought diaries were pathetic and useless, because of situations like this.

“Did you read the last pages?” I asked in suspense.

He nodded smirking.

“According to you I possess masculinity, authority, power, mystery. And you know what? I fucking agree with you!” that man only knew how to get under my skin.

I groaned while I hided my head from him. I was so ashamed, I looked out to my window trying to not think about how embarrassed I was. I look through my door mirror and saw him grinning and trying to hold a laugh. I groaned one more time, ugh!, just when I thought I had him, he gave the situation a flip of 180 degrees. We got home and he walked me to the door.

“Do you want a coffee or maybe a beer?” I asked flirting with my eyes.
I wanted him to stick around a little bit more so any excuse was perfect.

“You have alcohol in your house?” he asked.

“Yeah, from the party. Want some?”

“Sure," he whispered while we both leered at each other.

We entered to the front door hallway, and I took off my jacket. He did too. Just when I was getting off my heels, Billy grabbed me from the waist and passionately caressed with his hands all the way from my hips to my back. We embraced as we kissed. I finally did what I wanted to do, I hopped over him leaving myself to his fancy. He carried me all the way upstairs in a gentle and ardent style. My heart raced so hard as it pumped blood with adrenaline all through my body. He unzipped my dress as I tried to take his shirt off. He was too much, too much , I say! That man was too good to be in Men’s Health magazine, and tonight he was going to be mine, all mine. I think he liked the biting lips , because every time I did it, he groaned in pleasure. He lifted me up as we made out, he invaded my fears with pleasure and I adored it. He threw me to the couch and suddenly.......POM everything went in blank.