Love within Ashes

Chapter 25: Heaved Sight

"What the fuck are you doing standing there? Get in the car!" Billy yelled to me while I was trying figure out how to glue the shattered pieces of my heart.

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN!!!!!!?

Is it too much to ask to be acknowledged by my own boyfriend? IN FRONT OF HIS dad! I don't care if that bastard is the worst father in the universe, Billy should have said that I was his girl not "Bob's niece"!!!!! I am Bob's niece but, I mean, really? Would it hurt so much to say that you are in a relationship!???!!!! I was beyond pissed! WAY BEYOND! That his father was being a prick is not a valuable excuse, I think, right? I mean, I know what is have to have a man who donated sperm and BAM you are here in the world, but that doesn't necessarily means that his your father, he's just your biological close relative. Anyways, maybe Billy protected me, I mean, he changed the subject very often. But I don't care! He should've said something! I don't know! Anything! I'm getting tired of this bullcrap and games. Maybe I wasn't meant to be with him. Maybe this is all a beautiful part of my life that I need to bury. Because I don't know if I can go on, I don't know if I can stand it, no more and no longer.

"I'm not going with you to anywhere," I lowly growled at Billy who was opening the driver's door of his beautiful black mustang.

"What the fuck are you talking about?", he snarled back slamming the door and walking towards me. He was pissed, maybe Bones always made him mad. Joe was right. I should do what he says and shut up, but not today, no, I can't stand it any longer.

"I said that I'm not going with you anywhere!" I uttered with a louder tone.

"Get in," he rumbled, his teeth were gritting and his blue eyes were becoming darker, I know he wouldn't repeat himself.

"No!" I stood my ground while he rubbed the back of his neck in sign of frustration.

"Why didn't you said that I was simply your girlfriend? He's your father, for Peter's sake! He called me a whore and you didn't defended me!" I said with my voice thick with anger.

"Don't try to act like a clingy girlfriend! It doesn't suit you!" he barked.

"A clingy girlfriend? You know what? You are totally right! It doesn't fit me because I'm not your girlfriend, neither your girl! I'm nothing to you! As you are nothing to me!"

Billy twitched his neck at my last comment. Uh-oh I was pressing the buttons.

"What did you say, bitch?" he glared at me.

"You heard me! I'm done with you! We are through! If we ever had something, it's done! So you don't have to tell who the heck I am to someone! Especially your father!"

His jaw clenched so hard that he was obliged by the pain to released it. I pressed the wrong button! Maybe I was going to regret saying that to him, but at the moment I didn't thought about anyone else, but myself.

"Everything that said he said was true. So, why should I oppose at his words?" he coolly but pissed as hell said.

"Are you saying that-"

"You are a whore. Yes. It's not rocket science, wench!" he evilly smirked as my fist compressed harder at the word wench.

"Oh, yeah. I know I'm a whore. I told you that before. That is your opinion of me, and you know what, I don't give a fucking damn about your opinion of me. I'm sure that plenty of men could say something different to me", I smirked at him winning this battle as Billy narrowed his eyes shooting bullets to my heart.

"Get in the fucking car, wench!," he lowly growled as he walked to the hood.

"Wenches can walk, you know. This whore is walking, I got to check on other clients. It's not rocket science", with that I gave him my back directing myself to I don't know where.

As I was leaving the corner I heard the engine roaring and leaving hastily. Did he left?
I turned my head to see the corner and there was absolutely nothing.

"Stupid prick!," I snarled at Billy who's now gone, and maybe forever.

The night was falling quickly and I was alone on his side of town, without knowing nobody and nothing. A cold wind made every inch of my body quiver as I crossed my arms to keep me warmer. I was wearing only a t-shirt with a jean mini skirt. My jacket didn't help me to feel the warm that I needed so if I saw a good bar or cafe I'll be more than happy.

"Dang it! Stupid sourpuss! I've should have used the pepper spray with him!", I mumbled as I was searching for my cellphone. Maybe it's better if I call Aubrey and she could tell me where to go.

Just when I reached my cell phone, I raised my head and saw a dark figure standing in the back of a car. I admit, it freaked me out. But I continued my walk. I dialed Aubrey's phone number but something in my head pressured me to call 911. I don't know if I was infected with Billy's paranoid, but I was feeling that someone was following me.

"Shit!" I curse behind my tongue at the idea of someone of the Cutty Macks being behind my back.

I hastened my pace as I started to hold my pepper spray, just in case. I heard a couple of footsteps getting in symphony with mine. Oh, no! Somebody's following me and I'm not paranoid. Crap, Billy, why you have to be such damn stubborn!? Geez, in that moment I was wishing to get in the car with Billy. Crap, Emma, why are you so stubborn?!

I closed my eyes and allowed fear to creep into my body. Bad idea, but at the time, I only wished for Billy Darley to appear out of the blue cursing me out. I'd never felt safe, not even in my own house, when I was a teenager. The only time I felt secure and safe was with Billy, by Billy's side. I'm pathetic and crazy, I was the only woman in the world who felt safe with danger by her side. Heck, he even protected me in front of Bones. Lord knows what he would have done to me if Billy didn't changed the subject. Jesus, forgive me for being so selfish! Please send that son of a bitch to help me. Billy was right, I am a brat! Oh, for Peter's sake! There's no time for saying my last prayers, because if that Cuttie hoe wanted a piece of me he would have to fight for it.

I quickly wriggled at the shadow that was behind me and started to look at the empty dark sidewalk.

"Who's there?" I yelled at the shadow but only a cold wind answered me.

Ok, Plan B: RUN! Fear seeped out of me and I decided to run but just when I turning to continue my pace somebody called.

"Emma?!"

I turned and saw a dark tall figure. The voice was familiar but it wasn't Billy's. My heart started to race at the scanning of that familiar voice.

"Who are you?!" I shouted back at the figure.

The form started to step forwards where a street light were shinning down and a gasp slipped through my mouth as I tried to maintain my posture.

"It's me, Dad," the tall, black haired, skinny and aged man said.

"Edward?" I mumbled at the shock of his presence.

I shook my head and tried to wake up from this nightmare, but no, it was real.

"Yes, darling. It's me" he smiled but his essence showed that he wasn't the happy man that held me in his arms and threw me in the air when I was little. And I wasn't changing my memories, if I wanted to remember what a dad was I would always remembered when he was Dad not Edward.

"You supposed to be in jail! What do you want?" I angrily barked.

"I know you and your brother don't want see me but I need to talk to you, Emma."

"What do you want! Don't come close! You supposed to be in jail, in New York."

"I'm in probation. I confessed my crime and paid for it all these years. Now I have my right to be in the world. But I found something. About your mother."

He took a few steps closer to me and I got to see his eyes, they were distanced but here, they were cold but humid, they were at ease but lunacy yelled behind them.

"What?" I tried to appear strong as always.

"She didn't suicide. It appeared like it, but I stipulated an autopsy and they found that the way she inserted the knife it wasn't like a suicide, she was killed , Emma. They found her prints in the knife, but-but-but I think she didn't suicide. She didn't! She was murdered."
He said it all as once while he looked at the street and rubbed his head. His eyes were overpowered by the subject and he narrated this like he was talking about someone else, not his wife.

It was too much for me, he appeared out of the blue and now he's telling me that my mom was killed. By the way his body language related the story, I could sense that he was not on his utter and that he lacked a healthy sanity. I sighed when I remembered that Bob told me that Edward was diagnosed with settled insanity because of the drug and alcohol abuse.

"Edward, calm down. Where's your parole officer?"

"He doesn't know-He doesn't know- He doesn't know I'm here, Emma."

"Have you been following me?"

"Yes, I saw you. And a girl and a boy and where's Pauly?"

"He's ok."

"You don't-You don't believe me? I'm not crazy! I can feel that my Anna was killed! And I will kill the murderer. She told me that! She whispered to me that I can't let him live."

My eyes widened at the severe insanity of this man. I needed to call somebody but who?

"You should go home, Edward. Where's your house?"

"Don't talk to me like I'm a mad man! Help me, Emma. We can make your mom happy!"

My eyes became teary as I saw the abrupt mood changes in his words. I didn't know what to do.

He came towards me and his hands were aside.

"Sweet honey, give me a hug, little Emma. Dad had missed you. Dad is really sorry," he walked closer to me as I tripped backwards but clumsily kept my ground.

"Edward! Stay away!" I tried to avoid the bad memories of him becoming the monster that now is a insane man.

"I'm your father, Emma!" he exclaimed with anger but in a matter of seconds the man fell to the floor and groaned in pain.

"Billy! Stop!", I yelled at the top of my lungs at the sight of a fuming Billy punching Edward in the face.

Billy stood up sniffing with the back of his hand and then he wiped the sweat on his upper lip sneering at the whimpering Edward. I kneeled next to Edward and watched his black eye and bloody nose.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I yelled at Billy who was breathing heavily, I assume he ran. Just a few minutes ago I will jump on his hands and started to kiss him but now he almost killed Edward. His gun was pointing to Edward and just when I finished my shouting I saw it and a horrified gasp was heard from me.

"Fuck, Emma, does it hurt to say 'thank you'?" he snarled at me.

"Put that gun down!"

"Who the fuck is this?"

"He's my..... my father," I whispered, but Billy heard it.

When I told him that Billy's eyes widened and I saw how surprised he looked, but in a couple of seconds he managed to appear nonchalant and serious. He lowered the gun and lifted me up from the ground. Great! Both have had a family reunion this day. What a wonderful way to meet our 'unique' fathers!

"Yo, man! Ain't no Cutties around here," Bodie said after gasping for air, apparently they ran.

"Did you searched the area?" Billy glared at Bodie.

"Yea, man!"

"Good. Take Emma for a ride. I'll call you to tell you where."

"What about him?" I asked looking down at the unconscious Edward.

"He's not dead, Emma."

"But-But," I stuttered while he interrupted my stutter in a irritated groan.

"Bodie, get her out of here. NOW!"

With that Bodie dragged me to a red car that was parked a couple of steps behind us. Billy walked hurriedly to his car that was a few blocks behind Bodie's. I was worried. Why the heck they came to where I was in this hassle? Why did Billy came back to me? Why?

"Get in, Emma! Now, we have to leave and fast!", Bodie ordered with a bit of worry in his tone.

I did what he said and decided to call the police and tell them that there was a man lying on the middle of a sidewalk in the Fort street. I hope that they found him. It's not that I care, ok, well, I care that man is my father. But I want him away from me.

"So, this is your crib now?" I tried to break the cold silence inside that car.

"It was Heco's, now is mine."

"What happened? Why did you guys came out of nowhere to where I was?"

"Billy was leaving his corner when he saw one of the Cuttie's car parked a couple of blocks away. He called me and told me to check the place, and that he was going to get you. I thought you were with him, but no, that white ass fool said that you were mad at him and you walked away from him."

"Yeah, I was pissed at him and that white ass..." I couldn't insult him, I was being ungrateful and I wasn't going to continue being a brat.

"You know that Billy cares for you, right?"

"I don't know, Bodie. Sometimes he shows it, sometimes no. I'm confused. I don't know who I am to him."

"Well, you are Billy's girl, aren't ya?"

"By 'Billy's girl' do you mean, girlfriend?"

"Yeah. Look, we have whores not girlfriends, and you know why?"

"Why?"

"Cuz that can be a target for our enemies. If they want to start a war they start by blipping the 'girlfriend'. And that's what Billy is avoiding, Emma. Girl, I'm telling ya, that white boy cares for ya. Did you know he rejected every other? Shit, he rejected Cora, Tina, Lola, Pam, fucking Jane and that whore has such an ass, he rejected Ramona, Violet, Bianca, Mia, Angie, Meghan... Who else? Ah, Liz! Damn, those whores are the finest of Boston, Emma. Every day, every single fucking day he barked at them to get lost. Good thing he did that cuz the crying hoes went to us," he chuckled at his last comment while I was getting the feeling that Billy did loved me.

"Geez, Bodie. I love that man, but-"

"I know you do, you came to this world without a care for your life. I've never see that in my life. But... once you get in you can't get out, Emma."

"I know. And I want to be with him-"

"Then be with him. I know he'll protect ya. Look, you are the first woman that knows all of our corners, where we cook our shit and hell! you are practically like one of us. And you know why? Because Billy's overprotective with you, just like he's with Joe! He overprotects what he loves. Hell, I'm even jealous of you."

"Thank you, Bodie. You are a good friend."

"Hey, don't tell anyone about this corny shit or I'll have to kill ya."

"Not if I kill ya first!" I laughed as his joke.

"Have you gone to his house?"

"Yeah, I've been living there this time. He said I was going to be there until this problem is resolved. Why?"

With that, Bodie started to laugh loudly and to snicker, trying to not laugh. I knew Bodie had a funny bone always but I haven't told a joke.

"Wow, Billy does... We good, we good."

"What are you saying?"

"Yo, listen to this."

"I'm listening, Bodie are you ok?"

"Ha!HA! Yeah, Emma. I'm good! Congrats!"

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Bodie?"

"You the first girl to enter his house!"

"What?!"

"You stroke him big time, Emma! He said that no woman would ever place a feet on his house. That the bitches are to be taken to the motel or to the corner! And you, hahaha, you have been living there this time?! He didn't told shit! Yeah, you the one. The only thing left is you to learn how to shoot!"

"I know how to shoot."

"See! You the one, Emma. Ain't no fucking doubt about that."

"So we should get back together?"

"Hell yeah! I'm sure he doesn't want to admit that he fell for ya, but I think he doesn't have to, it's obvious."

"Really?!" I looked at Bodie with illusion in my eyes.

"Duh!" he smiled.

"Aw, Bodie. Forget Dr. Phil, you are the best, Bodie! I mean, Dr. Bodie."

"Hell yeah! I'm the shit! And Oprah's my baby girl, ya know, my homie!"

We laughed and started to tell jokes. Bodie could be intimidating but he really was a good friend, no wonder why he's Billy's right arm. You can talk to Bodie about anything and he will had a good advice, of course, if that concerns the gangstah subject. Even though we were becoming friends, I needed my boo Aubrey, I mean, I wasn't going to talk with Bodie about tampons. Although it will be funny.

"Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?" I asked to busy Bodie focusing in the road.

"Why?"

"Because he had no body to go with!" I laughed at my own lame joke.

"Yo, that was lame, Emma."

"Yo, Bodie! I know you wanna laugh! Laugh! Now! Or I'll shoot ya!" I mimicked his accent.

"Hell no! Listen to this! Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?"

"Why?"

"Because he thought he would give him a paunch!"

"Now that was lame!"

"What?! Well, I don't know good jokes. I only know Yo, Mama ones!"

"Great! Let's battle!"

"Emma, you a girl! Billy's girl! I won't battle you, and mines are pretty mean."

"Aw, don't be a pussy and battle me!" I pushed him but his gentleman character hiding behind his mask was more stronger.

"No."

"Yo mama's so greasy, she sweats Crisco!"

"Oh, hell, no! It's on! Yo mama's so greasy, she's labeled as an ingredient in Crisco."

"Yo mama's so greasy she uses bacon as a band aid!"

"That was funny, yo. Yo mama's so greasy, she could fry a chicken dinner for 12 on her forehead! Burn!"

"Yeah, yeah, Bodie. You win. You are the king of Yo mama jokes!"

"I told you so!"

"Heck! Why are we insulting our mamas? It's Bones the greasy one. That fatass prick!"

With my last comment Bodie stopped laughing and almost stopped the car.

"Yo, you met Bones?"

"Yeah, just a couple of hours ago. That jerk! He's the reason I was mad at Billy! Calling me a whore!"

"Whoa, Emma! Don't insult Bones. Don't even mention him."

"Why?"

"Because-" he was going to answer me but his cellphone started to ring, "Yo?....I won't say a word, dude. Got it, right to it...... No, no, no signs of the motherfuckers. Right to it, man!"

"Was that Bil-"

"Yeah, that was him. Why? You wanted to say hello?"

"Stop it, Bodie! Where are we going, anyways, we have been driving for like an hour and a half. And I just noticed we passed that ice cream shop before."

"I was giving you a ride till I wait fo Billy's call. He called me, 'aight?"

"Alright! Bodie!"

"Are you making fun of me?"

"Yo, hell to the no!" I giggled at his affronted face.

"Aight, aight! Funny chick you are."

After the bundle of laughs that I had with Bodie, he parked his car on Billy's driveway, next to Billy's black mustang.

"Great, I hope he just doesn't try to shoot me or something," I whispered to Bodie when we were getting out of the car.

"Nah, he won't. Remember what I told you, Emma. My boy cares for ya."

"Thanks, Bodie, really I needed that ride!"

"No problem, Arty."

"Arty?"

"Yah, the nick we gave you when you told us that you were a painter."

"Oh, haha, yeah, when I was a painter," I faked a smile remembering that maybe I had lost my job and my reputation as a good painter. But, I don't care anymore, Bodie was right, Billy cares for me.

We entered the unlocked house and made our way to the living room. I was happy, I mean, Bodie told me that I was the first girl to be in that house. I was the first! And now I had to apologize to Billy, my Billy, for being so selfish. And I need to thank him that in his own way he defended me.

"Billy! Billy! I have to say-WHAT?!" my jaw dropped at the sight of the living room.

How could this be? Billy was sitting on the couch and some tramp was on top of him. The hoe was kissing him and his hands were all over her. SON OF A BITCH! Is it him or the whores? I mean, I get one off him a couple of hours a go and now he has one in his house?

I turned to Bodie who was walking behind me, "I thought you said that I was the only one that entered the house."

"You were the first, she's the second," he replied with a disappointed expression at my glare and O mouth, but I wanted to kill Billy. No wonder why I liked that movie so much, Kill Bill!

I stood there in shock at the scene and of course I was jealous, I admit it!

"Dude, she's here," Bodie said to the busy Billy.

"Get the fuck out of here," a muffled bark was heard from Billy's mouth that was busy kissing that red haired hoe.

"You ain't helping, dawg, though I try to save your fucking ass," Bodie shook his head as he took a couple of steps towards the door.

"Wait for me, Bodie. Take me home!" I begged at Bodie with tearful eyes as I ran to the door.

"You fucking stay here. Bodie go home!" Billy managed to stop kissing the prostitute and barked with a pointing finger.

"Great, he's mad. And I thought the woman was the one who was all emotional. Couldn't he just let it go?" I thought.

Sadly, Bodie muttered, "See ya and Good luck" and made his way outside Billy's house.
I stood there in front of the door, giving my back to the horror film that was being filmed behind me. I just wanted to cover my ears at her moaning and wanted to stop thinking that that was supposed to be me not her.

"Get me a beer, wench!" Billy ordered as he interrupted his kiss and then continued, also in his tone I could sense that he wasn't going to repeat himself.
I closed my eyes and made my way quickly to the kitchen. If it wasn't for the stupid table in the middle, I would land on the kitchen gracefully.

"I hope that Billy didn't saw that. Heck, he's too busy to see," I thought as I stood up clumsily and walked to the kitchen.

I opened the fridge and grabbed a beer while I wondered why the heck does he wants one if he's occupied with that woman? Nevertheless , I placed the beer in front of him. He ignored me completely, and since so long, I felt like the girl that was fooled again but this time he wasn't a deacon, no, he was a pimp.

"Do you need anything else?" I sarcastically asked to the disgusting kissing couple. That hoe must be one of the names that Bodie gave me and by her ass she wasn't that Jane girl.

He continued to ignore me. If he's playing a game, I'm too tired to start WWIII. Though, this could be fun. I lifted the beer and drank it. I even made my way to the kitchen again and drank another beer, and another one, and another one. And that's when I felt the symptoms hitting me. While I was on my fifth beer bottle, Billy lifted the whore and took her to his room. And I was totally unnoticed. Thanks to the alcohol, I was forgetting about our fight and about Edward. But then, I heard something that made my blood rage. A scowl was formed in my face when I writhed to the direction of Billy's room. Her screams of pleasure and moaning were making me miserable. Why didn't he took her to a motel. What the heck am I saying? Why the fuck he's with her? I don't know but I'm about to make a show.

I laid my beer on the kitchen counter and started to place the empty ones on top of the coffee table. I was getting dizzy but I knew I could shoot it. I grabbed my gun that was in my purse and aimed to the beers and started to shoot. POOM, POOM, POOM! Three bottles are down!

"Who's the best? Emma is! Yay me!" I chortled as I waited for someone's reaction. That wench would not keep it up, I mean who would have sex with shooting sounds, eh?

And just when I shot the fourth bottle, the whore opened Billy's door and started to ran as fast as she could while she shrieked incoherencies.

"Fuck, Billy! I ain't gonna die! Don't shoot me! Shit! Oh, Lord!" she mumbled in her stop to see me but she continued her sprint. She was naked, only covering herself with her red wig and a couple of clothes she had.

Then, his big Fi-Fa-Fo-Fu steps were heard, maybe I was drunk but I couldn't confuse the sound of his footsteps.

"What the fuck is your problem?" he sauntered angrily towards me with a scary frown.

"What?" I played dumb.

" 'What? What?' What the fuck you think you're doing?" he barked shooting me with his piercing eyes.

"What does it look like? I'm practicing my shooting! Now, move aside."

"Why did you do that? We are nothing, so there's no fucking reason to be jealous, wench!"

"I'm not jealous. I'm drunk. Now, move, pretty bald boy."

He walked closer to me and practically he was inches away from me. He grabbed my hand and by his tight grip I was forced to drop the gun. In my groaning I could feel his warm skin touching mine, and I could use my drunk state for a little fun, but no, I have dignity, you know.

"Don't you touch me again, you hear me!" I babbled while I gave him a weak slap.

"Now, you have to finish her work, wench!" he ignored my flimsy assault.

"What are you talking about, go get her ass and finish her, tiger."

Yep, I was drunk, I wasn't controlling what I was saying.

"It's not like you have done it before, right?" he smirked and clenched his jaw, stabbing me with his eyes.

"Yeah, but I guess you have to entertain yourself with the memories, pretty boy."

"Better. Your too pathetic and disgusting to fuck with. Hell, that whore looked more classy than you, brat."

Why did it hurt so much? I was drunk and I thought that that was when every pain was drown, so why those words broke my heart?

"Yeah, I bet that you didn't thought that a couple of hours ago, eh?"

"Get the fuck out of my house!" he clenched his jaw and growled at my face while I flinched.

Uh-oh. Something's not right. I have this feeling, horrible feeling in my stomach. I shouldn't drink so much. That pain is burning my stomach and my throat. Oh, no!

And in a matter of seconds I gag and then I puke all over Billy who was inches away from me. After vomiting, I felt a bit easy and better but I wouldn't say the same about Billy.
He wasn't the germa-phobic type of guy, heck, he even liked my drool. But I don't think he liked vomit. Who likes vomit anyways? Only babies and dogs.

I closed and opened my eyes and see Billy's eyes looking down at his puked chest and neck. He raised his rimed eyes as he gave me such a glare and scowl that in a couple of microseconds I fell to the floor and everything went dark.