When We Were Young

I sighed as I sat back looking at the stars. Things weren't exactly the best right now. I missed Stephen.

As of lately I hadn't seen or heard much from him, due to the fact that he'd gotten himself a girlfriend. It's been about a month since I talked to him properly. Yeah, there were the smiles, the hi's as we passed in the hall. But even those weren't often. It wasn't the same without him.

We have been best friends since I moved here in second grade. Things escalated from there and we became inseparable. He called me every day that we didn't see each other, and if he didn't call me he'd text. We were basically attached at the hip. So this lack of communication wasn't exactly something I was happy about.

Stephen was the person I could tell anything no matter how embarrassing or personal. He knew just about everything there was to know about me, and I about him. Stephen meant a lot to me, and I assumed I meant a lot to him too.

After all, we basically gave each other everything.

Sixth grade

Stephen begged me to come to Justin's birthday party. I really didn't want to. To be honest I disliked the majority of people there, though Godsey wasn't one of them.

He begged, I protested, and in the end he won because I couldn't resist that smile of his.

It wasn't a secret that most people standing before me disliked me. Honestly, I didn't really know why. Maybe it's because girls are so tempermental and all. Over a boy no less. Being best friends with Stephen had its disadvantages. All the girls, I supposed, envied me. Stephen was a real cutie back then.

Walking in together some girls glared at me. I rolled my eyes as we continued on.

Stephen noticed their stares and rolled his eyes as well. He didn't think he was anything special, so this whole ordeal seemed stupid and pointless to him.

The stares continued and I got more uncomfortable with each second. I didn't enjoy being stared at. All the attantion made me flustered.

Stephen could see that and took my hand in his own, I think, trying to comfort me. I'm sure I blushed harder, but I doubt he noticed as I was already flushed over the looks people were giving me. He looked at me and smiled, and I couldn't help but smile back. People stared at us even more than before, but I couldn't care less. All I could think about was Stephen holding my hand, and how his thumb was rubbing circles into the back of it. Yeah, he'd done this multiple times before, but it never failed to make me feel this strange way.

We met up with Brian and Jess soon enough in the basement. Everyone was being ushered to sit down in a circle, by this girl whom I knew Justin to have a crush on, so it's no surprise he wasn't protesting.

I took a seat next to Jess, almost directly across from Stephen.

"Uh oh." Jess whispered.

"Huh?"

"That girl's trying to get everyone to play spin the bottle."

"Oh.."

Jess noticed the face I was making. "Don't worry. I've never had my first kiss either, Adelaide." She didn't seem half as anxious as I felt.

The girl next to me snickered at me, appearing to have heard.

The game started and with each passing person I got more nervous. From across the circle Stephen smiled reassuringly at me, fully knowing that I'd never been kissed. He was next. He spun the empty bottle, and to my surprise it landed on me.

Jess pinched my side, and the girl who laughed earlier made it a point to announce that I'd never been kissed, resulting in laughter from the whole room of people. It kind of surprised me that they had, when I doubted that the majority of them had been kissed either.

Rolling my eyes, I made it to where Stephen was standing. He smiled at me once again and put his hand on my cheek. Closing his eyes, Stephen leaned in and pecked me on the lips.

"C'mon. This is stupid. Let's get out of here." He whispered to me. Stephen laced his fingers with mine, and led me away from the circle of people.

No, we never dated or realized we liked each other. I may have liked him, but we were best friends.

At least I was sure that's the only way he thought of me.

Eighth Grade

Back at Justin's house, yet again for his birthday.

Stephen and I were sitting on the stairs to the second floor, basically oblivious to all that went on around us.

"I'm sorry Justin has been ignoring you Stephen." Justin finally got homself a girlfriend and was spending nearly every waking moment with her.

"Eh. It's alright." he shrugged. "She's not a bad person, I just wish that things were the way they used to be." He paused. "I hope that I'm not like that when I finally get a relationship of my own. You know, now that I think of it, everyone seems to be getting involved in relationships" he laughed "except us."

I laughed too. "It's because, Stephen, you're too perfect for any of the girls around here. They don't deserve you." He smiled and shook his head. "Me on the other hand..." I laughed.

"Oh shut up." Stephen laughed, placing a hand on my knee. "You're beautiful. Dare I say perfect? Any of the idiot boys around here would be lucky to have you."

I vaugely noticed how close our faces were.

"Adelaide?"

"Yeah?"

"While we're on the subject of this...you know how we were each other's first kiss?"

I nodded.

"Well, that didn't exactly count, did it?"

"I guess. Kind of."

"Well, I was thinking...since it was more of a chance that the bottle landed on you, and it was more of the kiss that your grandmother insists on giving you...maybe we could be each other's real first kiss? I mean we're best friends, what could be better? Then we won't need to worry about whether it'll be with the right person or not. You know?" Stephen finished biting his lip.

You didn't have to ask me twice. I was sold on the thought of kissing Stephen. I actually realized I liked him awhile ago. As more than just a friend.

I smiled meekly and nodded. "Sure. Okay."

Stephen broke into a smile. Moving his hand from my knee to my cheek he began to lean in. Stephen's lips met mine and my hand found it's way to his neck. The kiss deepened and soon enough we pulled apart breathless.

Sometime during the kiss, I found that our free hands had become intertwined.

Stephen spoke. "Adelaide?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

I bit my lip. "I love you too, Stephen."

Through out the years we grew even closer, if that were possible. No, nothing had changed. We were still best friends and nothing more, even though I felt myself attracted to Stephen in a way I never thought I would.

Stephen was always there for me, and I him. Every heartbreak he encountered I was there to comfort him. As for me, I hardly ever needed his help in that area. Boys mostly avoided me, for some unknown reason.

There was this one time though...

Three months previous to the present

I called Stephen, crying as I attempted to hush myself.

"Hello?"

"St-stephen..."

"Shit. What's wrong Adelaide?" His voice changed from cheerful, to worried in an instant.

"D-d-daniel...he...well...he...uh..." I couldn't seem to find my words, as a sob escaped my throat.

"Oh no. Do you want me to come over?"

"W-would you, please? If it's n-not too much trouble?" My lip quivered. I know I should be more angry than hurt, but right now I don't know what was wrong with me.

"Of course. You should know I'll do anything for you." Stephen said. "I'll be there in a few."

"Okay." At least my voice had stopped shaking. "Thank you. So much."

"It's no problem, at all." He paused. "I'm leaving right now. And, Adelaide?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Stephen."

We hung up and soon enough there he was at my doorstep. By that time I had calmed down for the most part.

I opened the door, and I'm sure I looked like a wreck. Immediately Stephen stepped in and wrapped his arms around me. I still felt a few stray tears flow down my cheeks.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked carefully, leading me to the couch.

We sat down and he still had his arms around me, "Daniel. Well, you see..."

I went on to explain to him how Daniel had come over. All I'd planned on us doing was sitting around watching movies...and I don't know. The things we usually did. Daniel was my boyfriend of about six months. I thought I'd gotten to know him as well as I ever could. But after what happened, I suppose not. We were sitting there when he made movement to kiss me. I went along with it, and things got more heated. Soon enough a few articles of clothing were removed and I felt uneasy. I didn't think it was right for Daniel and I to...to do that. Something about it just felt all wrong.

I stopped Daniel explaining that I just couldn't. I wasn't ready. He got angry with me and began to shout about how it's been so long. And how I was stupid for denying that I wanted this. I fought back with him, and he got angrier, telling me he never really liked me all that much. He was only in it for what I denied him, and more so to prove that he could get someone as innocent as me in bed. He then tried to force himself on me, which I fought. He ended up hitting me and I got him a good one in the spot where the sun don't shine. I managed to get him out of my house, but that didn't stop me from feeling emotional.

As I continued to explain to Stephen what happened, I could see him get angry over the things that the idiot I had dared to call my boyfriend had done to me.

"What an asshole. When I see him-"

"It's fine Stephen." I said.

"No it's not!" He continued on to rant when I interrupted him again.

"I'm fine Stephen." Grabbing his face in my hands I turned his head to look me in the eyes. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not." He said, his tone softer now. "He hurt you." He softly brushed his fingertips over my now bruising cheek. "That's not okay."

"I know it's not, but I'm fine now."

"This never should have happened. You deserve so much better than him. Someone who's going to treat you right. Someone who's going to listen to you, and respect your decisions." He placed one of his hands over mine that was still on his cheek.

It hit me, right then and there. The only one I could think of ever giving my virginity to was Stephen. He'd never once hurt me. He was always there. He was my best friend over everything else. He understood me the way no one else ever had. If there was anyone I was fine with taking it, it was him. Because I knew, that no matter what happened, he'd never fail to be there.

Without thought, I closed the short distance between us and kissed Stephen. He responded, one hand around my frame, the other cupping my cheek. We continued to kiss, and both stood up.

I led him to my bedroom. My legs hit the edge of the bed and I fell back onto the mattress. Stephen ended up on top of me. My hands were in his hair, and our lips continued to move.

He pulled back, "Adelaide, what...uh...we shouldn't do this. I mean, you're hurt. Emotionally and physically. I wouldn't be right for me to let you, because you're probably not thinking straight at all." Stephen finished sounding breathless.

"Stephen, I'm sorry I did that. I just. I don't know. I figured maybe if we...well things would be okay. I-I don't want to give my virginity to just anyone. We're best friends and it seems like it would be the best idea. I don't know. I shouldn't have tried to-"

"Whoa Adelaide." Stephen bit his lip. "I'm not saying the idea is horrible, because I actually wondered once or twice about this myself. It's just...I don't think you mean any of this. No, I'm not calling you a liar. Yes, you may say you want this right now, but your emotions are all out of whack. Who's to say you won't regret it the next day?"

"Me. Stephen, you mean so much to me. You're my best friend. That's something that will never change. I can tell you right now, I initiated this and if we went through with it I wouldn't regret it." I bit my own lip.

Pause. "Are you absolutely positive?"

Things were quiet a moment

"Yes."

Stephen sighed, not out of frustration, but what I thought was him preparing himself for this.

I felt his fingers under my chin, lifting me to look up at him. Stephen leaned in and placed a kiss on my lips.

I put my hand on his cheek and it made its way to the back of his neck.

After a moment he pulled away and smiled sweetly at me, before crawling atop me again.

Our lips connected again and he began to gently tug on my lower lip.

In the end, clothes were shed, and things were lost. I never regretted a moment of it, in all honesty. Except for the part that made me like him just that much more. Things didn't get awkward between us after that. Rather, it was as if nothing had ever happened.

And I'm not really sure whether that's what I wanted or not.

I was actually really happy with life at the time, that is, until Stephen got himself another girlfriend. I don't think I should have expected him to fall in love with me after what happened, but I really didn't expect him to get a girlfriend just like that.

What's more is he's acting the way Justin had so long ago.

Now here I am, sitting around like an idiot on the roof that brought back so many late night memories, feeling lost and unhappy.

I stared at the sky some more, listening to the light sound of a summer breeze.

God, what I wouldn't give to have things the way they were.

I should just forget about this. It's not worth wasting the time to feel bad.

I continued to lay there, eyes closed, breathing slowly.

All was silent until I heard the soft creaking of the roof. Opening my eyes I found that Stephen was laying next to me. This surprised me, as I was under the impression that he was going to spend the weekend with his girlfriend and her family.

"Hi Adelaide." He said smiling, "How've you been?"

Wouldn't you like to know. "Better."

He frowned and began to play with my fingers. "I'm sorry to hear that. Care to tell me what's troubling you?"

"It's nothing." I said.

"It must be if you're sitting up at this hour. Alone on the rooftop no less." Stephen ended up holding my hand. "You can tell me. You know you'll feel better when you do."

"I said it's nothing." I said, which came out harsher than intended. His face fell and I instantly felt bad. He hadn't done anything wrong and here I was snapping at him like a bitch when all he wanted to do was make me feel better. "Stephen, I'm sorry. It's just..." I sighed and sat up pulling my knees to my chest.

"It's fine." He said, sitting up with me. "It's just what though?"

"I haven't been sleeping well," I half lied.

Stephen gave me a skeptical look, "You know I can tell you're lying."

"I'm not though."

He sighed. "Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes. You are. I thought you knew you could tell me everything."

"I do know that."

"Then why are you lying to me right now?"

"I told you, I'm not."

"There you go lying to me again."

"Stephen, I'm not lying to you!"

"Yes you are!"

"Ugh!" I said frustrated. Why wouldn't he just let this go? "Are you aware this is the first time you've spoken to me in a month?!"

His face shifted and he said nothing for a moment.

"I hadn't realized it's been that long." He bluffed.

"Yeah, well it has." I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, though. Why are you even here? I thought you were supposed to be with your girlfriend." Venom flowed through the word.

"Adelaide, what is going on with you?"

I lost it. "What is going on with me? You wouldn't know as this is the first time we've spoken in forever! It appears you're too busy with Brigitte to even bother to talk to me these days."

"I'm sorry that we haven't been spending as much time together lately. As for Brigitte, why do you always act so coldly towards her? She's not a bad person."

"Because she's the reason we haven't been speaking lately! I feel like I'm losing you to her. She's not even the right person for you, can't you see that? That I know someone who is better for you than she could ever be? Who knows you as well as you know yourself?"

He looked at me confused. "Who?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you, Stephen? Me. I like you, so much. As more than just a friend! Why else would I have gone through half the stuff I have with you?" I took a breath and continued, "Do you hear what I'm saying? I love you. I always have. I love the stupid things you do. The way you're so goddamn sweet about everything. The way you understand me, and never fail to be there when I need you. I love everything about you. Even your flaws." I sighed. "What am I even doing, telling you this? I probably just ruined everything, because I'm almost sure there's no way you could ever feel the same-"

I was cut off by Stephen's lips pressing against mine.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" He asked softly.

"Because. You have Brigitte and I'm just your friend." I sighed. "Besides, she's probably everything you could ever want."

"What are you talking about? If there's anyone in this world who is everything I could ever want, it's you. You've been there time and time again for me. You understand me in a way that nobody else does. I can't explain it, at all. But there's something about everything that you do that never fails to surprise me. Even though I've known you since second grade, I can never figure out what you're going to do next. You have me on my toes all the time. And despite how confusing that can be, I wouldn't have you any other way. All of the things you do make me smile, whether you realize it or not." He smiled. "What really surprises me though, is how you're so beautiful, and you don't even realize it. You don't understand what you do to me. Every time you smile, my heart stops and I can't breathe. Every time you laugh, it's like music to my ears. It's like every single time I see you, I have to learn how to breathe again. And for whatever reason, I'm perfectly fine with that."

I found myself smiling as well, until I began to over analyze things. "What are we doing? You're with Brigitte."

"Actually, I'm not. I ended up ending things with her earlier. You would have known if you'd bothered to answer my calls."

"Why?" I asked him, "Why'd you break up with her? You seemed so happy."

"Appearing happy and being happy are two completely different things. I broke up with her because things weren't going anywhere, really. I wasn't exactly into her in the beginning, either. That, and I realized that I should stop acting like an idiot and tell you how I feel. That's actually the whole reason I came over here."

"What do you mean you weren't into her?" I asked, "I thought you liked her."

"Sure, she's a pretty face, and has a nice personality, but she wasn't right for me. I knew that from the beginning, but the whole reason I went out with her was to get my mind off of you. I've liked you for awhile now, thought I only fully realized it that night things ended badly between you and Daniel. Since then, I've been desperately trying to make myself like Brigitte instead of you, because I never thought you'd feel the same way."

I let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding. "Well I feel like an idiot for not saying something sooner."

"Ditto." He laughed. "I've wasted all this time ignoring how I felt about you."

"If I'd known that things would've gone this way, I'd have told you forever ago."

He smirked at me, placing his hand on my cheek, his face inches from mine. "I guess this just means we'll have to make up for all that wasted time."