Happy

It's like we weren't made for this world. But I wouldn't really want to meet someone who was.

I'd scream in your face, and I'd lie on the floor and cry, just trying to hang on to you for one more day, knowing if I let you slip away even just a little bit, you would be gone, and I didn't know if I could even live through that, let alone carry on like you didn't exist.

Did you even exist?

I have these scars on my arms, these pictures in the photo album, and the faded lipstick drawing on my bathroom mirror to remind me that I didn't imagine your breath on my neck, your lips on my thighs, your hands on my everything.

But did we even exist?

I can still taste the way the air smelled that night in September when we sat under the stars. It was muggy and smelled like dirt. We rolled in it, laughing, pretending we were dogs. Dogs who ran away from their owners. Dogs who were abused, mistreated, and only wanted to feel some love.

Were we not really those dogs?

We would smoke cigarettes and talk about going to the beach. Talk about everything, really. Talk all night, and fall asleep wrapped around each other. It was almost like if we weren't clinging together, we would die. We would freeze to death, we would fall apart if the ropes of one anothers grips were let loose.

I did fall apart.

Every day, I would lose a little more of myself trying hard to be what you wanted. Too late, I realize, you just wanted me. I changed, you changed, everything changed. But that's how it goes. You told me I had no soul anymore, that you weren't inspired by me anymore. But I wanted to show you everything. I wouldn't trade one moment with you for anything in the world.

I love you, but you brought me down.

"But you're still the one pool where I'd happily drown"