Textbook Romance

"What's wrong, Ginny?"

I looked up to meet Tey's questioning gaze. I just shrugged my shoulders. "Sorry," I murmured, glancing to the floor, "I'll get to work."

Tey reached out and grabbed my arm as I started to move one of the brown boxes. "What's wrong, kiddo?" He patted the chair next to him and nodded his head.

I sighed, bit my lip, and sat down on the old metal chair. "I think Neil and I just broke up... forever," I said, the honestly of my words causing my chest to tighten.

"What happened?" Tey questioned quietly, reaching over to pat my knee.

I closed my eyes and pulled my knees up to my chest. I rested my head on my knees as tears sprung to my eyes. "I didn't think it would hurt this bad," I mumbled, sniffling pathetically as I desperately tried to wipe the tears from my eyes.

"Oh, Ginny," Tey murmured as he shifted to pull me into his lap, my head buried in his chest.

"I don't know what to do," I cried, my tears soaking into his thin gray t-shirt. "I don't know what I got myself into, Tey." I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him tight against me as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"What did he say to you?"

I sniffled. "That he'd 'lost' and that I 'shouldn't worry about him anymore' but I don't know how to stop and pull myself away from him," I grieved, emotion clouding my voice, "I thought that maybe I could just bounce between them. I know that sounds stupid, but I thought I could belong to no one and both at the same time."

Tey chuckled at my naiveness and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Ginny," he said, "but neither Max nor Neil are very good at sharing."

"I know," I babbled, running my fingers through my tangled hair, "I just... I'm so stupid."

"You're not stupid," Tey murmured in my ear, holding onto me tightly as pain wracked through me, "You're just caught in a tough situation."

"Why can't I have them both?" I moaned, shaking my head.

"Because that's not how life works, kid, it's not fair and you never get what you want." Tey ran his fingers up and down my spine as my tears dropped onto his shoulders.

"I thought I wanted Max," I replied, "But then Neil..."

Tey moved me back over to my own chair but pulled it close. He pushed my hair out of my face. "Can you see yourself taking hands with Neil and turning your back on Max completely?"

I closed my eyes as I thought about leaving Max. The idea brought a whole new round of tears to my eyes. "No," I said miserably, "I can't. I can't lose either of them. I'm so selfish."

"No, you're not," Tey defended, "you're just in love."

I looked up to him and wiped the salty moisture from my cheeks before it could hit my lips. "With who?" I asked, wishing that Tey could figure out my heart for me.

But he just shrugged. "That's for you to figure out, Ginny. There's only one of you, so you can only love one at a time. But you need to figure out if you still love Neil, or if you're just holding onto the fragments of what you used to feel for him because you're afraid to let yourself love every piece of Max, flaws and all."

"You're so smart," I praised pathetically, taking a deep breathe as I tried to calm myself down before they started allowing kids in the building.

"I've just seen a lot of the things on the road," Tey defended, reaching over to wipe a lingering tear away. He stopped for a minute and then spoke softly, "Your eyes are really stunning when you've been crying," he whispered, a small smile on his lips.

I laughed without humor and closed them quickly. "Maybe that's why people keep making me cry."

"Why don't you take the night off," Tey murmured, "you need it."

I shook my head. "I'm such a crappy partner," I said, "you let me off too easily. I'm supposed to be working.

Tey shrugged his shoulders. "You're a teenager with love problems, you need a break every once and awhile."

I sniffled and stood up to wrap my arms around his shoulders. "Thanks, Tey. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

Tey smiled and shook his head. "Go get some sleep and clear your head. You'll feel better when you wake up."

I nodded and waved goodbye before I turned and weaved through the back hallway towards the back entrance. I pushed the doors open and moved across the lot swiftly. I punched in the code for the bus quickly and moved aboard, thankful that the guys had a quick sound check before their show so I could change clothes and climb into my bed to pass out.

I knew that when I was sleep none of my problems would matter. My dreams would be peaceful and calming. There'd be no tears, no boy-like men, and no confusing hearts. I moved towards Max's duffel bag and searched through the depleting pile of clean clothes for the familiar shorts.

I grabbed his discarded hoodie, the one he'd been wearing today, and the shorts. I stripped out of all my clothes, minus undergarments, and pulled Max's clothes on, soothed by the smell of shampoo, New Ports, and him. I climbed up to my bunk and hid under the covers, welcoming the world of sleep to take me.

When I woke up, I didn't know what time it was. The tinted windows of the bus made the sky look darker than it really was, as did the rain that was falling from the blackened clouds. I climbed down from my bunk and into Craig's searching for the extra pack of cigarettes that he always kept.

I took one out of the nearly full back and grabbed the clear green lighter too. I moved towards the front of the bus and opened the door. I stepped out into the pouring, chilly rain, and lit the stick between my lips. I took a long drag and breathed out, feeling more relaxed than I had in a while. I had forgotten how calming these things had been for me.

I sank down to the ground, not caring if I got the shorts wet as I sat on the ground. The deadly humidity from earlier in the day was replaced with an eery cold that was soothing in a way that was almost entirely hard to explain.

I sat on the ground until I finished my cigarette. Then I moved back inside the bus and put the lighter back where I'd found it. I didn't bother to change out of my wet clothes as I moved to the back of the bus and threw myself down onto the couch.

I let my eyes close again as my muscles felt worn out and sinewy. I pulled the throw over my shoulders and let my body mold into the couch.

"Hey, Max, Ginny's back here on the couch, man."

"For real? She's been here the whole time?"

"I guess so, she's out cold."

I groaned and pulled my blanket up over my head to drown out the sound of their voices. "No, I'm not. Shut the fuck up," I demanded, keeping my eyes closed as I tried to go back to sleep right away.

"Are you okay?" Max asked softly a couple minutes later. I assumed Craig had left the room since Max's sweaty body was now climbing onto the couch behind me.

I nodded my head. "How what your show?" I asked.

"Good," Max replied simply as he laid his face against the side of mine and wrapped his arm around my side. "How are you? Your clothes are damp."

"I'm fine. It was raining." I murmured, resting my hand on top of his and sliding my fingers between his.

"It just stopped," he replied, "but, I came to find you after the show. Tey said you had taken the night off because you were pretty upset."

"Did he tell you why?" I asked slowly, hoping Tey had left that part up to me.

"I think I know why."

I nodded my head and held onto his hand. "I'm sorry," I whispered, "I really am."

I felt him shrug his shoulders. "It's not up to me," he murmured, "I can't control who you get upset over."

"I know," I responded, "but I'm a horrible person."

Max pulled me a little tighter against him. "I forgive you," he uttered, "I'll always forgive you."

"You really shouldn't."

"But I do," he breathed, "and you're not going to change my mind. I don't care what you do or how you feel, I'll always forgive you."

"I'm glad," I stammered, my pulse slowing as my nerves slipped away.

Max hummed in agreement. "Me, too." After a couple moments he asked, "Are you hungry?"

I hadn't thought about food since then, but I nodded, feeling the low rumble in my stomach.

"Come on, then," Max demanded, sitting up awkwardly since I hadn't moved, "Lets go see if there's something to eat on this bus."

I let a smile on my lips. His crooked grin was contagious. He grabbed for my hand and heaved me up off of the couch. I walked behind him to the small kitchen area. He opened a cupboard and cheered when he found the box of chocolate fudge Poptarts that he'd hidden.

"Want some?" he asked, smiling at me, trying to keep the tears out of my eyes.

"Yeah," I nodded, "I'd love some."

Max grabbed a silver bag of Poptarts and then pulled me back to the room. I didn't bother to ask where the guys had gone. We were playing another show here tomorrow so I knew that they must've gone off in search of some entertainment for the night.

"You didn't have to stay here with me, you know," I told Max, sitting cross-legged on the couch next to him as he ripped into the snack.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't mind," he said, glancing up to me, "I like being near you."

I dipped my head as he handed me one chocolate treat from the silver bag. I thanked him and broke it in half. I started breaking off the edges and dropping them back into the bag that rested on Max's lap.

"What are you doing?" he laughed, watching me while I broke off the last little piece of crust.

"Getting rid of the edges..." I trailed off, wondering why it was so amusing to him.

"But why?" he questioned.

"Because there's no frosting," I said in a smart tone, "do you expect me to eat something that dry?"

Max laughed but shook his head. "Of course not, Nev."

We ate our Poptart and turned on the TV. It was simple thing, but just being near Max made the ache in my chest soften, almost to a point where I could forget about it all together.

I still didn't know why I hurt so bad when the thought of losing either of them came to mind. I didn't know why my heart didn't realize I couldn't have them both. I just knew that if Max was the only one, I would be entirely happy. That there would never be a bad day or a tough situation that we couldn't get through.

But Max wasn't the only one; Neil was there too. Sure, the tightness of my chest told me that I'd probably lost him for good, but my heart and my head were at battle, raging a war to figure out which was confusing the other.

Since this tour started the relationship that Neil and I had once been a part of had turned sour. I wasn't exactly sure why we couldn't make it work with the threat of a charmer hanging over our heads. Maybe it was my tendency to 'always attempt to fix the world' as Neil would put it, or maybe it was his crazy jealously that broke us apart.

I didn't know. I felt like I didn't know anything.

"Do you want to go somewhere with me?" Max questioned, his mossy eyes looking to meet my gaze.

"Max, I-,"

"Not a date," he said, chuckling, "Just to get some real food."

I bit my lip. Max was being too good to me. Here I was, crying over another man and he was trying to make me feel better. Although, the fact that he claimed it wasn't a date worried me. He'd never been one to pull back his advances, no matter the situation. The thought popped into my head that maybe because of my reaction to losing Neil, I had lost Max, too.

I nodded my head to Max's question before a fresh round of crocodile tears could gather at the rim of my eyes. I put a smile on my face and leaned over to kiss the edge of Max's jaw.

"Yeah," I said firmly, "lets get pizza."

Max grinned at the idea and climbed up from the couch. "Let me get my wallet," he said. He climbed up to his bunk outside the door of the back room.

"I need to change," I said with a chuckle, looking down at what I had stolen from him.

He looked too, as his feet hit the floor, wallet in hand. He rolled his eyes at my clothing choice but shook his head. "You look amazing," he said with a grin, "No need to change."

"Max," I whined, playing with the edges of the thin hoodie, "I don't even have a shirt on underneath this."

He smiled crookedly and crossed his arms over his chest. "Okay," he said, "You can change." He watched me as if he were waiting for me to change right there in front of him.

I rolled my eyes and slid past him so that I was closer to the bunks. I pulled the hoodie over my head and handed it back to him. "Sorry it's wet," I apologized, a smirk on my face as his lips parted in shock.

I climbed up to my bunk and grabbed a clean shirt out of my bag. I pulled it over my head and then changed into a pair of tight fitting black skinny jeans, since I knew it'd gotten cooler out after the rain.

"I'm ready," I said while I climbed down.

"Okay, then," Max said, having collected himself, "Lets go."

He grabbed for my hand and laced out fingers together. I smiled at the action and held on slightly tighter.