Take This To Heart

Jack.

It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It felt fucking awesome.

I stepped off the stage in a heap of sweat that was my shirt and my jeans, only to be greeted my a smirk. I hadn't seen it in a while, or at least it had not been pointed towards me in a good way. But to see it again brought a smile to my face.

"You look like an idiot." Jules shook her head, that smirk still there.

"And I smell good too."

She laughed as Alex followed and Jules's face fell as did his. I knew she was still pissed at him. And I wasn't complaining. Her pissed at him meant she was not pissed at me, and for right now, that was alright. Colleen got up from her chair and walked over to the equally sweaty Alex, kissing his cheek and making a face at his smell.

Jules let out a little laugh and rolled her eyes, walking away with me to the showers.

"Are you gonna come in with me?" I said with a stupid, hopeful experession.

Jules hit my slightly. "In your dreams, Barakat."

Barakat. It was nice to hear that again as well.

With that she walked away, leaving me with my bandmates and soon Alex. He shot me a look but I ignored it.

"Dude, please do not leave me with Colleen like that."

Rian laughed. "You mean your girlfriend?"

"Yeah," Alex shook his head, "but I can tell Jules is annoyed and I don't want that."

I bit my lip. "Jules isn't mad, bro. Really." Lie.

"Then why isn't she talking to me? I mean it's not like I asked Colleen to be here she just fucking showed up and expected me to be happy about it-"

Rian sighed. "Let me again point out that she is your girlfriend."

"-And I can understand why Jules would ignore me."

I shrugged. "Just take a shower man you smell like shit."

"Thanks asshole."



"So tour is going well?"

I smiled and looked down at the group of fans before me. I really liked meeting fans. It got annoying and repetitive at times, but there were always some interesting and genuine people in the mix.

"Yeah, it's awesome!" I nodded at the girl. She handed me a CD and I signed it before posing for a picture.

She looked at me with a concerned smile. "I heard Juliet was on this tour."

"Yeah," I couldn't help smiling a little, "She's on the bus right now but she's a boss."

"You guys are adorable together."

"I agree!" Another girl added. "I haven't seen too many pictures of you two lately."

I shrugged awkwardly. "Uh, yeah. There isn't too much time, we've all been busy."

"Well you should take her on a date!"

"Oh, we're not dating-"

The group of girls rolled their eyes. "Whatever you say."

"Really!" I tried, but it was no use. Another few pictures and autographs later I walked back on the bus with Zack, exhausted from the show and from greeting the fans. It wasn't that getting asked about Jules bothered me, since it happened a lot, but right now it was a sore subject.

Jules was on her computer on the couch as I sat next to her. "What's up?"

"Nothing, just checking on home things. How were fans?"

"Good," I nodded, turning to the rest of the bus. "What are plans for tonight?" I needed a beer.

Alex shrugged as Colleen came out from her bunk and sat down on his lap, an annoying look growing on his face that made Juliet snort softly.

"Well Colleen and I were going to go to that mini golf course a few blocks away, you guys could come."

A chorus of "yeah"s went around the bus as Juliet turned to me, a disapproving expression on her face.

"Wanna go to a bar?" Juliet asked, reading my mind.

I smiled. "Fuck yes."

With that we stood up from the couch and walked out, my eyes notioning to everyone in the bus not to follow. Specifically Alex and Colleen. A night out with Jules was what I needed. Lately we had been our old selves, before this tour and it's nonsense. Before Annie and Alex. I missed it so much.

We ordered our drinks and Jules laid her head on the table. "I'm exhausted."

"You're exhausted!? I have to put on a show every night and talk to people and wake up early."

Juliet let out a little laugh. "Pains of being a desired, well-paid rock star. Do you want a hug?"

Her sarcasm made me giggle. "Oh, be quiet. It's not all that great."

"Then why do you do it?"

"Cause I love it."

"Then shut up, at least you have something you're good at that you also have success in. As far as my life is concerned, I'll be touring with you guys for the entirety of your tours. I can feel my soul dying as we speak."

I let out a little laugh and took a sip of my beer. "But we like having you tour with us. You keep everything together and you keep people in line. You keep it interesting."

"I also fuck shit up, don't lie."

"Well that was my fault, for not telling you about Annie."

Juliet nodded and closed her eyes before turning to me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm not sure," I shrugged, at a loss of what to say. "It was just an awkward topic that I wasn't sure how to bring up. Fuck, I didn't want shit to change between us."

"That's going to happen regardless. We're growing up Barakat."

It wouldn't have to if I could grow up with you. I thought before immediately pushing the thought away.

"I don't like growing up."

"Again, shut the fuck up because you really haven't," I laughed, "Your job keeps you young. But I'm getting older with the times and looks at me. I'm not nearly as cute as I was in high school."

I shook my head slowly. "No, you're beautiful."

For second I was convinced I hadn't said it, that I had just thought it. But as the words left my lips and Juliet turned to me, I immediately wanted them back. Fuck.

"You're full of shit."

"No," I laughed softly, "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, Jules. I fucking mean it."

She shook me off as I felt my body get closer to hers. "I'm not Annie, Jack. I will never be what Annie is."

"Good, because I don't want you to be her. You are ten times more beautiful than she is."

"You don't mean that."

"Fuck you, I do."

Jules met my eyes. God she had the most beautiful eyes. "If you mean that, then why are you with her?"

"Because I could never be what you need."

Our faces were growing closer as our hands intertwined.

"That's bullshit."

"I'm not good enough for you."

"Would you stop making these damn excuses?"

I shook my head slowly. "I can't, Jules. I will never be able to support you and be there for you all the time. I'm not reliable or dependable. I'm not even nice to you half the time. You're beautiful and funny and perfect and I'm just a fucking kid who-"

I never got to finish as her lips crashed onto mine. I moved my hand to her waist and brought her closer to me, letting my tongue slide against hers. Quickly her hands were on my neck and I could feel people watching in the bar as Juliet disconnected the kiss with a smile on her face.

"Want to go back to the bus?"

I nodded quickly as I kissed her again. The bus would be completely empty since all the guys were out mini golfing. I held her hand as we walked back, but the second the door to the bus closed her legs wrapped around my waist and my lips hit hers. I had never kissed her so roughly before. But there was a lot of passion there, a lot of things we hadn't said or done. There were so many mixed emotions and mixed signals that had boiled into something neither of us could control. And then we were left with this.

Soon we were both out of our clothes and Jules was kissing my neck, her hands moving all over my body. I moan escaped my lips and she kissed me softly.

"I need you."

I looked into her eyes. I needed her too. Both of us knew this wasn't right but I don't think she cared and I know I didn't. But fuck I had missed Jules. And now I had her and she was begging me to fuck her. I couldn't say no.

It was rougher than the first time, faster, but we both had a lot to get out. Everything that had happened in the past eight years had felt like it had led up to this. And this tour was just the tip of it all.

But I couldn't fight the feeling in my gut. And I saw that look in her eyes.

We both knew.

This was a mistake. This wasn't us. It wasn't just sex but it wasn't going to lead to good things.

Neither of us cared enough to stop.