Take This To Heart

Today was going to be exhausting.

I kneeled down under my bed and pulled out two black suitcases and my bag, moving them off the side before standing up and looked around the messy dorm room one last time.

It had been a fucking busy year, that’s for fucking sure. Between college, touring, and life in general, it was hard to find moments to myself. Which, in the end, I hated. Even now, when I hadn’t seen most of my friends for a week so, I was antsy as hell. Everything seemed so gray and empty without them here. Especially without Jack. A little jump left my heart at the thought of him. He seemed to make everything better. College was so stressful for me.

Fuck, I was mad at myself for bailing out of the last tour. I had heard it was pretty kickass and everyone had a blast. College seemed to get in the way. But not anymore.

I heard a soft knock at my door and smiled, jumping up and pulled the knob.

“Juliet!”

A smile spread across my face and I hugged the boy in front of me, my feet lifting off the ground.

“Flyzik!” I yelled, still in the air. He set me down and I sniffed to myself. “You smell like semen and wet dog.”

He let out a laugh and shrugged, walking into my dorm room. “I was just at Alex and Colleen’s so-”

I cut him off. “Ah, the hole of hell itself.”

“So it’s been called.”

I giggled for a second, moving over to my drawer and glancing up at him.

“Is uh, Barakat coming?”

Matt shot me the glance he always did when I brought Jack up. I looked away quickly, folding a few clothes into my suitcase. He leaned down next to me and sat.

“He got hung up.” He nodded, biting the side of his lip that was free of a lip ring. “But you’ll see him soon.”

I shrugged. “Just wondering.”

Matt sent me another glance as I shook my hands, glaring back at him and chuckling a little.

“I called you to help me pack up my dorm room, not sit on your ass and dream about Disney World Flyzik.” I shot at him, laughing at the roll of his eyes as he moved over to my shelves and piled some books into boxes.

“Hey! You kept the Mickey Mouse I gave you last time we went!” He giggled, flopping the Mickey Mouse stuffed animal in my direction.

I tossed in a box to the side. “Please tell me you didn’t go this tour without me.”

“Jack did, but no one else.”

My mind reeled. Why would Jack go to Disney World alone? Was it a date? I stopped myself again, moving to my bed and folding up the sheets.

“Good, cause you know how I feel about trips to the magical fucking world of Disney without me.”

Matt nodded his head. “You were definitely missed on the tour, Jules. Parties weren’t quite the same.”

“Did fans ask about me?”

“You know they did.” Matt rolled his eyes.

A rush happiness flew through my body as I nodded to myself. Hardcore fans of the band sometimes recognized me, and I talked to a lot of them. They were a crazy bunch. It still made me stop and think when the thought ran across my mind that their little band had fans. Or the fact that they were still a band, and actually making it in the industry. It was kind of crazy.

“Any drama I missed?”

“Uh,” Matt paused for a second, “No, no, I wouldn’t say so. No.”

I could tell he was lying. “Dude what happened?”

“Nothing happened, really. Really nothing.” He nodded to himself.

“Colleen and Alex shit?” I asked.

He rolled his eyes again, letting out a fit of air. “Just the usual with them.”

“Shoulda known.” I laughed to myself. “Did he cheat again?”

Matt shrugged his shoulders. “Depending on what your definition of cheating is.”

“This is why you need me touring with you guys.”

He laughed and stopped sorting for a second, glaring over at me as he chuckled. “You never stop him! You don’t give a fuck about them don’t even lie to yourself.”

I couldn’t help but laugh to myself as I moved over to my shelves and put more things into boxes. The room was beginning to clear up.

“So a lot of whores?”

Matt laughed. “No girls who aren’t girlfriends on the bus! I made a new rule.”

“So lots of whores.” I stated plainly as he nodded. I gulped a little, memories of Jack with little band sluts flashing through my memory.

I stopped myself quickly. We weren’t a thing and we hadn’t been for a long time, and would never be again. He could bone as many whores as he wanted to.

“Can I ask you a question, Jules?”

I nodded nervously.

“Do you still like Jack?”

A rock got caught in my throat as I shook my head quickly, maybe a little too quickly. “Uh, no. Fuck no.”

The words kind of stayed for a second, like they were floating in the air. Like they didn’t sit right with me, and I knew Matt could see it.

“Why?” I added. “Does he have a girlfriend?”

The question was kind of funny to me. Jack hadn’t had a girlfriend since, well, me. And last time I checked, he was nowhere close.

Matt paused. “No, no, definitely not. No.”

There was that fake twinge in his lip but I shook it off.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

I let out a laugh and shook my head. “I think I have all the men I need between all you fine techs and band men.”

I was close to asking Flyzik if he had a new girlfriend, but I stopped myself. Ever since he and Kendra broke up, things had been rocky for him. He had been moody with girls or just an Alex or Jack. It broke my heart a little. Matt had always been the sweet, faithful guy on tour. Then one day he wasn’t.

“That’s what I like to hear.” Matt laughed. “You’re ready for the summer tour?”

“Please. The real question should be: is the summer tour ready for me?”

Matt let out a laugh as he picked up a box he had filled up and walked towards the door. “It’s gonna be a fun one. I’ll be right back up.”

I nodded as he turned and left the room. Matt was one of the few people in the world I could depend on. Even Alex was sketchy sometimes. Rian had been a little distant with me ever since Kara and his break up, but this tour would most likely change that. And the rest of the crew had become my family. I missed that family.

I sighed and picked up a scrapbook from under my bed that the guys had made me for my birthday.

Each guy had made me a page. I smiled at all of my pictures with each boy, each of them writing little notes to me. They were all like brothers to me.

I sniffed a little as I got to my favorite page. On it was a collection of pictures with Jack and little notes from him on the side of each one. But there was one note at the bottom of the page that sent a smile to my face and a beat to my heart every time I read it:

We make the best memories. –Your Barakat