Take This To Heart

She was beautiful. She was fun. And god did she know how to take a dick.

I sighed dramatically, laying down on the bed and looking over at her. Nothing about her was naturally beautiful. Everything was hard, it took you a little bit my surprise. I had never been with a girl like her. And I loved it.

Annie was something else.

“Wow.” She said, taking a breath.

I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, wow.”

“I always underestimate your dick’s abilities.” She shook her head. “I should really stop doing that.”

“I’m pretty sure your tits get bigger every time I see you so.” I let out a little laugh as Annie cuddled into me.

She laughed a little. “You fucking love ‘em.”

“Like hell I do.”

“They are the money makers.”

I let out a tiny laugh. “And boner makers.”

She sniffed a little and laughed loudly. It was silent for a few seconds before I looked down at her.

“I wish you could go on tour with me and the guys. That would be so kick ass.”

Annie shrugged. “I’ve gotta bring in the big bucks, which means I’ve gotta stay in Vegas. Sorry babe.”

“You should try and come for a little while.”

“No promises,” Annie said plainly, “I’m sure you’ll be super busy anyway. With all the guys and shit, and all the whores.”

My eyes bulged a little and I looked down at her. “I’m not going to cheat on you.”

Annie let out a laugh. “Just remember my boobs. That should be enough to hold in your temptation.”

“Matt always keeps us in check. So does J-” I paused for a second before shaking myself. “Matt doesn’t let whores on the bus.”

“Whatever the fuck you say.”

Annie was… different.

And different was really, really good.

I looked down at Annie, her blonde hair sweeping over her body as my hand rested on the bare of her back. My eyes flew to the ceiling and I wondered how I had gotten so lucky. How had I, with my fucking lanky body and the fact that I had more hair on my body than I had on my head, gotten a playboy model? I really fucking hot one, too. Not only hot, but funny. She wasn’t typical for me.

“Are you asleep?” I whispered.

Nothing.

I nodded to myself, closing my eyes and tried not to let my mind wander. When my mind wandered, especially before I slept, it only went to one fucking place and one fucking person. And when my mind went to that person, I started to ask myself questions. Really fucked up questions. The kind that hurt my head, and the kind I didn’t have an answer to. And then when the answer did come, I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not. But in the end, I always knew. And I always would.

I was completely sure of every question. And I didn’t hate the answer. All I hated was the fact that I knew the answer to all my questions and problems was never going to see me as the answer to their own.

And that left only one thought.

But this thought caused even more panic than the first set.

Move on.

***

“Bro!”

“Hey der.” I waved over to the guys, smiling slightly before sliding into a bar stool.

It was the night before tour. Meaning the start of drunk nights with the guys and little to no sleep ever. Also the start of us smelling like shit, but that usually happened at home too. For Alex, at least.

The bar was filled with my band and our crew. Alex and Grieco sat next to me, both sipping a beer while Rian and Vinny were laughing next to us. Ian and Jeff were ordering beers and possibly trying to get in the bar tender’s pants as Danny was texting someone and Flyzik was looking around aimlessly. Zack was talking to some blondes in the back and I sent him a wink. Almost everyone one was here.

My eyes darted to Evan, who was smiling as he talked on the phone. Probably with Eva, his girlfriend. My heart sank slightly and I rolled my eyes before taking Alex beer and gulping some down.

“Want a beer Jack?” Alex laughed.

I nodded. “Let’s get drunk.”

“We have all tour to get drunk, man.” Rian walked past me. I punched him lightly in the arm as he passed.

“I’m getting a head start!” I said in an accent as Danny slid me over a beer. I let it sink into my throat and I finished it off with ease in a few minutes. Everyone was busy talking about tour or something tour related before Alex turned to me with a weird look.

“Did Annie leave today?”

I nodded slowly. “This morning.”

“Sucks to fucking suck.” He shrugged. Tell me about it.

“Are you still fucking the playboy bunny?” Vinny tilted his head and leaned so he could see me.

Here we go.

“She’s my girlfriend, bro.”

The attention was all on me now. Fuck I hated this conversation, this being about the fifth time I’ve had it.

“Well good for you.” Jeff said.

Alex rolled his eyes. I was handed another beer and I began to drink it, trying to ignore the glance I was getting from Alex. It wasn’t one I needed. It was also one I could give to him as well. Colleen was probably the biggest bitch to ever be conceived.

“Is she coming on tour at all?” He asked.

I shook my head. “She has to work. Annie was really, really busy.”

“So is Colleen, but she’s coming.” He added. “And so is Eva.”

Colleen isn’t busy with shit. I wanted to say back, but I pushed the words back in.

“Annie also lives in Vegas and she has her own fucking TV show, bro. It’s not that easy for her to just break a routine.”

“If you’re official, she should be making at least an effort though, man. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Agreed.” Zack said as he passed. I rolled my eyes again.

“Really bro, is she anything more than a good fuck?” Danny asked. “And that show shit is fucking weird man.”

Greico laughed. “Remember when you were on it, bro? Awkwardest thing I’ve ever witnessed, no lie.”

Alex was laughing almost hysterically. There was not too much of this I could take anymore. I rolled my eyes and got up from the table of laughing dickheads, rolling a beer in my hand.

“I’m gonna go piss.”

I got up as the table silenced. I hated being the sulky ass friend. The one that had to walk away before he punched someone in the face. Because one day, I would probably punch Alex.

It was the little things he said about Annie that ticked me off. That she was older, that she was plastic, that I could do oh so much better. But we both knew that wasn’t true. Annie was way too good for me.

When he said I could do better, I knew what he meant. And it wasn’t true. The best didn’t want me.

But I knew I still wanted it.

Drunken urges got the best of me as I walked out the back door of the bar and sat against the pavement, pulling out my phone and hitting two on my speed dial. The name that popped up made me smile and laugh slightly.

I closed my eyes, bracing myself for that voice. The voice that made everything okay.

“Barakat!” The smile stuck on my face.

“Jules.”

“You drunk, Barakat?”

I let out a little laugh. “Maybe.”

“Without me? I’m shocked.”

“All the guys are here. Why aren’t you fucking here, by the way?”

She let out a little sigh. “I’m on the way to Kara’s actually. Fucking girl bonding time before I leave with you maniacs. The usual.”

I laughed again. “Ah, I see.”

The night flooded around me, cars passing on the street as the street lamps flickered. It was silent as I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead.

“I’ve been missing you, Jules.”

“Don’t you always?”

“Shut the fuck up you miss me too.”

She laughed. Her laugh was so light and airy. It made me smile and laugh a little too. It was contagious.

“Is it that obvious?”

I nodded even though she couldn’t see. “Fuck yes. These constant phone calls are running up my phone bill.”

“If my memory stretches correctly, I would say that it is you who has called me the past five times. Distracting me from college and shit.”

“You’ll thank me later.” I laughed a little. “Glad to be out of that hell hole and back into the life of partying and touring?”

“Only cause my boys are there.”

I smiled. “Bunk buddies?”

I could tell she was smiling to herself as she let out a long breath. “Depends on if Danny wants one too. Then it’s a draw.”

“I fucking hate you,” I laughed, “You know I’m a better cuddler than that douche bag.”

Juliet laughed for a few moments before stopping and sighing a little. “I miss you too, Barakat.”

“Fucking knew it.”

“I’m leaving for Kara’s.” Juliet said in her light voice. “Catch you tomorrow?”

“Of course.” I said plainly. “Bye Juliet.”

“Be seeing you Barakat.”

The phone clicked and I shoved my phone into my pocket. Slowly I stood back up, feeling the need for another beer. But I felt better now.

Walking back into the bar, Matt shot me a weird glance.

“Good piss Jack?”

And that’s when I felt the smile that was still stuck onto my face.

“Fantastic.”