Runaway Kat

Katerina Jacobs:

Dressed in black from head to toe; I watched as my mother’s casket was slowly lowered into her earthy grave; and it took all the strength I had to not cry. My dad was bawling and I clutched onto his hand supportively; distressed at the fact he just wasn’t coping at all.

Being in Jack’s company for the past few days has eased the burden of my overwhelming sadness and distress; but I was distraught, and nothing could possibly change that.

We weren’t labelled anything; we’d just been fooling around; nothing more, nothing less. Jack stood beside me protectively; holding me to him to comfort me. Alex and my other friends were there too; but Alex wasn’t paying any attention to the ceremony.

No, his eyes were fixed on the arm around me.

His eyes finally met mine; and they were expressionless. He was hiding his emotions from me; which hit me hard. He clearly didn’t trust me anymore; and who would blame him? After what I’d put him through, I deserved for him to hit me round the head with sledge-hammer.

I tore my eyes away from him; feeling disrespectful towards my mother; and slowly lowered my eyes towards the earth being piled on top.

I was then called to make my speech; and I hesitantly took a stand in front of the large crowd which had come to mourn alongside the remainders of my family unit. I took a deep breath; and Jack shot me a small, gentle smile; which re-assured me; and gave me the strength to go on.

“My mum meant more to me than anybody could possibly know. I know at times I wasn’t the easiest daughter, but the one thing about my mum was that she never gave up on me. She was my rock, the only person who could bring me true re-assurance; even when I thought that I had nothing left to live for,” I paused; and looked down at her dirt filled grave; before looking up again.

“She always knew how to pick me up when I was truly down. She was the best mum ever; the best wife ever. She supported every choice I made; she supported others when they were giving up. But that’s the best part about my mum. She was the kindest soul I knew. Her heart was huge; overflowing with an unimaginable amount of love,” I smiled at the thought of her bestowing her love upon others. It urged me to continue.

“And if I was a quarter of the person she was; I’d definitely feel privileged about it. She was my idol; I looked up to her. Now she’s gone, and I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do with myself. But I can just hear her telling me to look after myself and my father; and to help each other get through this. She wouldn’t want us to cry over her, she’d want us to be happy that she lived, and that she helped others live as graciously as she did.” I sighed, and wiped away a stray tear.

“Because she was the best woman; to have ever walked this planet; and I feel privileged that she was my mum. I love you, mum; never forget that.” I finished softly; and the audience gazed admirably in my direction as I stood down.

2 MONTHS LATER:

I spent time away from my friends; and spent time solely with my dad. We were mending each other’s broken hearts; we were guiding each other in the right direction. I couldn’t be distracted; so I told my friends that I’d be in contact when I was ready. They hesitantly agreed and stopped speaking to me. Jack was most reluctant; and Alex clearly wanted to argue the matter, but he kept quiet.

I knew I’d have to sort out the issue I had with both of them soon; leaving them waiting was cruel and torturous of me; but I needed this time to get my head together. I was glad my boss was so understanding; otherwise I was have definitely lost my job for just upping and leaving so suddenly without warning.

My dad was ready to go back to work today; which meant I had to now face my friends. So as my dad left, I dropped Roxy a text; and within 5 minutes, the four boys and the three girls stood outside my door; bundling me for their attention. I hugged each of them individually; not realising how much I’d actually missed them.

But when I saw Jack and Alex, I knew the time had come to tell them what my decision for them was. I knew it may be a hated decision; but this was best choice for me.

So reluctantly I led the two of them outside; and we all sat. Jack and Alex waited patiently while I plucked the courage to tell them, scared of the outcome; and what I’d receive in return.

“I-I’ve made my decision,” The frowned, clearly confused. “About this twisted love triangle we’ve got going on.” I concluded, and their eyes widened. “Who- who did you choose?” Alex spoke feebly, and I bowed my head. “I’m sorry Alex,” I bowed my head. Jack’s eyes widened further. “And I’m sorry Jack.” They both frowned in confusion.

“I’ve decided; it’s for the best that none of us should be together.” I whispered. I looked up at them and gauged their reaction. They were shocked clearly; they couldn’t seem to find the words to reply to my abrupt choice. Heck, I didn’t know what to say to it either! It was a good choice though; it would save complications and broken friendships.

“WHY?!” They both screamed simultaneously after gaining the courage to speak; and I flinched at their anger. “WE’VE BEEN THROUGH TOO MUCH; DON’T YOU SEE?!” I shouted back, and they instantly calmed down and flinched at my own anger.

“You don’t even seem to understand the strain this will put on your friendship. Choosing one over the other won’t go down well will it? Imagine having to see me with the other for God knows how long; just wishing you were him? How would that make you feel?” I told them, taking in deep breaths to prevent another outburst.

They looked at each other; knowing I was right. “This has also spurred my other decision.” They both turned back to me with their eyebrows furrowed. “I’m leaving Baltimore; ok? And you can’t contact me, or visit me. Trust me; it’ll be better that way.” They went to object, but I silenced them with my finger. “You won’t change my mind. This is the best way ok? I’m not running away, this time I’m telling you I’m leaving. This is closure; this time you’ll be able to get over me ok?”

The boys didn’t agree with me. They couldn’t, their love for me blinded their answers. But this was good for them; they needed a new, clean slate.

I told them I was leaving tomorrow- and when I told everyone else too, they reluctantly helped me pack my stuff, and spent the rest of the night with me. Jack and Alex slowly started to rekindle their tattered friendship; and I was glad. They needed each other; they’d been through everything together, it would be crap if they stopped being friends now.

I watched them all miserably leave my house; giving me hugs. Alex was the last. He clung to me, before brushing my hair behind my ear. He leaned in close. "I'll miss you so much. I'm sorry... I love you."

My heart broke.

Morning came; and I wished my dad goodbye. I sighed; knowing I shouldn’t be leaving my friends without saying goodbye this morning, but I was never good with goodbyes. So I piled my stuff in my car, and started it up; thinking about the long journey back to Florida in front of me.