Runaway Kat

Katerina Jacobs:

I don’t know how long I just stood there, staring at him with large eyes, and a drooping bottom lip. How else was I suppose to act? The boy who had been all over the country and even on a European tour; still loved me. The boy who had girls chucking themselves at him left, right and centre; still loved me. The boy I’d had no contact with over the past 5 years whatsoever; still loved me.

“Bu-bu-bu...” I couldn’t even form words. My voice had failed me as the boy who was once my lover stood before me with those large puppy-dog eyes confessing his feelings which had probably torn him to pieces over the past years.

“Do you still like me Kat?” He asked almost pleadingly, and I could have passed out as emotions rocked inside my body ferociously. My stomach felt upset; as if the butterflies evolved and formed legs; jumping up and down repeatedly. “Do you Kat?” He whispered before stepping forward and grasping my hands.

I looked down at our entwined fingers; and gasped. I was lost, confused, and angry yet upset...What was I supposed to think? My brimming emotions were not helping with my new found language ability problem; as the words got stuck in my throat before travelling back down my gullet like bile when I tried collecting spit in my dry mouth.

“I... I-I-”

“GUYS! GET YOUR BUTT’S IN HERE; WE’RE GOING TO THE BEACH!” Roxy’s voice boomed; and we flew apart quickly. Jack suddenly entered the kitchen and eyed the two of us suspiciously; before shaking his head of his thoughts and disappearing.

Alex looked at me expectantly, and I held out a hand for him. He sighed dejectedly, and grasped my hand and let me pull him back inside.

-

Kara, Roxy and I were first at the beach, as everyone else had to go back to the tour bus and collect their swimming stuff.

It was Zack who came down first; tackling Roxy in a bear-hug. They looked at each other lovingly, and I smiled sadly. They were soon to be back together; I just knew it. I looked at Kara, who was looking longingly at Rian; who was cuddling up to Cass. The look of pure sadness and hurt was apparent; and I felt so bad.

Jack was next. I looked at him; and watched him watching Holly adoringly. My heart was screaming out for him; but he seemed so oblivious. So I looked over at Alex; who coincidentally was watching me. My cheeks flushed, and my raging emotions towards Jack calmed down. Alex was always going to be there, no matter what. It brought me some form of comfort.

“I actually have a present for you all...” Roxy said, detaching herself from Zack. She turned away and picked up a bucket full of water. “I love presents!” Jack exclaimed happily; his eyes glistening excitedly. She chuckled evilly. “Oh you’ll love this!” She exclaimed, before turning quickly and throwing the water all over them all.

Zack knowing Roxy inside out managed to dodge it; the others weren’t as fortunate. My ears met Holly’s piercing screams, and I cringed and shuddered away from it. Alex scowled unattractively at one being soaked; and two the scream.

“Will you shut the fuck up?!” He shouted, cursing. She immediately pouted and looked at Jack. “Alex mate...” Jack started pleadingly, and Alex rolled his eyes in retaliation. Obviously Alex didn’t like Holly very much; and Jack was stuck in the middle.

The group started functioning again and slowly but surely laughs were erupting from us all once more; well except me. I had wandered off down the beach, and was sitting down on the luxurious golden sand which tickled my bare skin.

They’d just walked back into my life like nothing had happened- well, Alex hadn’t; but the other three boys did. Alex and I seem to be the only ones that remember how bad things got back then; everyone else seems to have forgotten already.

Someone sat beside me, and I didn’t even need to look at who it was; I could smell the cologne on him. Alex had come back to finish the conversation. He looked at me expectantly, waiting for an answer to his question.

“I love you Alex.” I sighed, putting my head in my hands. He seemed overjoyed, until I looked up at him sadly. “But I still love Jack too.” His shoulders slumped. “So what are we supposed to do?” He asked quietly; looking out at the beautiful blue ocean. I shrugged my shoulders as tears pricked me eyes.

“Why did you find me?” I whispered as my voice began to crack. Alex noticed and slung an arm around me, pulling me into his bare chest. “It’s sodifficult Alex!” I cried, still just clinging to him. He cradled my body in his lap; not caring if the others saw him.

“I know Katerina; trust me, I know better than anyone.”

I sobbed for goodness knows how long in Alex's lap; just praying that an answer would hit me in the head. I didn'tknow what to do. Even if I did pursue something with Alex; Jack would always be lingering in the back ground; and I would assume he wouldn't be happy with his best friend pursuing a relationship of some sort with his ex-girlfriend.

But I couldn't even attempt to pursue anything with Jack; because he had a girlfriend. And even at the smallest of chances of having something with Jack, Alex would then be in the back ground; and he'd forever make things awkward when I was around. He'd start hating me for a reason only I knew about- and things between him and I would eventually be made public from the horrendous amount of guilt I'd be feeling.

I couldn't win either way. But being without them now they've entered back into my life couldn't be an option. My life wasn't boring when they weren't in it; but it definitely wasn't the same either.

I was in love with a pair of best friends. And there's fuck all I can do about it.