I Lost My Fear of Falling

It was towards the end of winter break, just a few days until I would have to go back to school.
I had been reading and I’d gotten lost in the book, as usual, losing track of time. I finally looked up to find it was after three.
Something seemed….wrong in my house.
Maybe it was the air or the silence.
I got out of bed and opened my door, to see my mom poised to knock.
“I was just coming to get you.” Her face was so serious I immediately started to panic. She walked down the hall to her room and I followed. River and I shared a confused look as we went into their room.
“Sit down kids.” Dad said, gesturing to the bed.
“Oh god, someone died didn’t they?” I blurted.
“No, no one died.” Mom said, patting my hand.
“Then what the hell is going on?” River asked.
“Your mom and I have been talking, and we think its best for the two of you if we get a divorce.” Dad’s voice sounded far away.
Divorce.
Divorce .
My heart sank down into my stomach as I tried to comprehend what this meant for us.
“How is this gonna work?” River sounded only a little better than I felt. “Where is Emmy gonna live? She still has another year of high school.”
Then came the next bomb.
“You, Emmy and I will be moving back to California.” I barely heard anything, except for “moving” and “California.”
“NO!” I jumped up. “I’m not leaving here!”
I’d have to leave Mikey.
I’d have to leave Wes.
I’d have to leave my home.
“I’m sorry Em. This is for the best.” Dad rested his hand on my shoulder. I knocked it off and ran out of the house, ignoring the fact that I was barefoot and in my pajamas and it was snowing.
I almost broke Mikey’s door with the force that I was knocking with.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, opening it and seeing my tearstained face.
I flung myself into his arms without answering, burying my face in his shirt. He half carried me up to his room and settled me into his lap.
“Emmy, please, you’re scaring me.” He said, rubbing my back.
“They’re taking me away from you.” I sobbed. “I have to move to California. My parents are getting a divorce.”
“They can’t do that. They just can’t.” Mikey sounded as horrified as I felt. I cried harder.

Emmy fell asleep in my arms, curled against me. Her face was stained with tears and every so often she’d sniffle a little in her sleep.
I was losing her already.
I’d lose the girl I loved forever and there wasn’t a damned thing either of us could do about it.
I doubted her parents would let her stay in Jersey just for me.
“My beautiful girl.” I whispered, brushing a lock of hair out of her face. “God, I don’t want to lose you.”
I buried my face in her hair. She always talks about me smelling good, but I don’t think she knows how good she smells to me. Maybe it’s a boyfriend-girlfriend thing. Who knows.
All I know is that my girl smells like coffee and lemon soap and something else I couldn’t name.
My arms tightened around her unintentionally. I would fight for her, die for her if I had to.
I loved her that much.
The shadows in my room deepened until we were lying in complete darkness. I almost wanted to turn a light so I could still see her face.
“Mikey?” Gee knocked on the door softly. The hallway light spilled into my room. “What the hell happened this morning?”
“Her parents are getting divorced and she has to move to the other fucking side of the country.” I said softly, so Emmy wouldn’t wake up.
“Oh God.” Gee knew just how much I loved Emmy.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“It’s after ten. You should take her home.”
“I don’t wanna let her go.”
“It’s only for a little while. Besides, if her parents get mad at her, they’ll keep you apart for the time that you’re still together.”
My brother had a point, so I lifted Emmy into my arms gently and carried her across to her house.
River must have seen me coming and opened the door for me. He led me up the stairs wordlessly and held Emmy’s door open for me so I could put her on the bed.
I kissed her cheek gently and pulled the blanket over her.
“I’m really sorry man.” River said when I’d closed the door.
“I’m sorry too.” I rubbed my eyes under my glasses. “I just can’t imagine living without her right next door, let alone on another coast.”
“I really don’t wanna tell you this, and even Emmy doesn’t know, but we’re only gonna be here for another month.”
My heart, which had already been in my stomach, dropped through to the floor.
I only had a month left with her.