I Lost My Fear of Falling

“Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never end…”
“I’m mildly obsessive about this song.” Wes said from her spot on my floor.
“Same.” I was sitting on the window seat, staring out the window.
“What are you looking at?” She sat up and looked out. “At him?” She pointed at Mikey and his short friend whose name I haven’t figured out yet.
“He waved at me the other day.”
“Well that totally means he wants to bone you.” I smacked her arm.
“Wes, be serious. No one ever sees me, except you. I can’t explain why it means so much to me.”
“His friend’s hot.” I can see the wheels in Wes’s mind turning. She opened the window before I could stop her. “Hey guys!” I tackled her and we landed on the floor with a loud thump.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I hissed.
“You want to find out more about them right? Then let me handle it.” She started to get up and I held her down.
“Please Wes, don’t.” I gave her my best puppy dog eyes and she sighed.
“Fine, but if you’re just gonna stare at them all the time they’re gonna think you’re a crazy stalker.”
“I’m invisible. No one sees me.” I sounded so whiny, but that was the truth. I was the girl who everyone’s eyes slid over, like rain off a leaf.
“Don’t talk like that.” She could see I was about to get into one of my moods and gave me a tight hug. “Come on, let’s go get some food.”
There was rarely ever snack food in my house, so Wes and I bought a package of the Chunky Chip’s Ahoy, the only cookie worth existing, and settled down for a movie marathon.
--
I walked into the cafeteria and made a beeline for our normal table.
And who do I see sitting there but Mikey and his friend.
I was the first one there for some reason and I had no idea what to do.
“Hi.” I’m a brilliant conversationalist.
“Hi.” Apparently so is Mikey.
“Since Mikey can’t get his head out of his ass, I’m Frank. And you are?” His friend piped up.
“Emmy.” I sat down awkwardly. I really didn’t know what to do.
“Well what do we have here?” Wes said from behind me. I didn’t know whether to be relieved or even more worried at her presence.
“I’m Frank and this mute is Mikey.” Frank smacked his friend’s shoulder, who looked like he’d just been staring at me.
“Wednesday Addams, but you can call me Wes.” She turned on her full man-eater smile.
Oh boy.
Wes sat down next to me and we carried on our own conversation. Frank and Mikey spoke quietly to each other.
The lunch bell rang and we went our separate ways.
And during all of fifth and sixth period I couldn’t stop thinking about that strange lunch.
Well, alternating between that and how cute Mikey is up close.
I made it all the way to my room before my dad called me.
“Emmy?” I gritted my teeth and walked back to his room.
My father has probably had every medical condition known to man. Prostate cancer, two liver transplants and hearing problems. He was declared disabled this year. He hasn’t gone to work in two years. He barely gets out of bed most days.
“Yes?” I plastered a smile on my face. If I piss him off he’ll be in a bad mood and no one will be happy.
“How are your grades?”
“They’re fine.”
“Remember, if you don’t get all A’s you won’t get into a good college.” I fought the urge to roll my eyes and walked away.
This is life in the Leeves family.
“Hey Mom, where’s River?” I asked on my way to the fridge for a snack.
“He’s at work.” She looked up from the magazine she was reading. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Liar.
I’m never fine.
Everyone in this goddamn family thinks I’m just fine taking care of myself. And I am, for the most part.
But sometimes I need someone to depend on in my house and I don’t have anyone. Not River, not our parents, and certainly not my dickhead brother Forrest, who was in college in California.
I have no one but Wes.