Memories

I've talked a lot about how I'm different in my family, and today you're going to read another story about this.
You see, all of my family members that have graduated high school already knew what they wanted to be. My sister Brittany knew she wanted to be a writer. My oldest cousin Allysha knew she wanted to be a kids teacher, and is currently in university for it. My other sister Courtney knew she wanted to go into business, which she just started this year. She also works in a very successful company part time. And then my cousin Aaron went into college for architecture.

To me, this is funny. They're all doing what makes them happy, but I'm not able to. Now, before I confuse you even more, I should explain a little bit.
Since I was three years old, all I ever wanted to do was sing. I remember standing in our backyard, telling this to my mom. I would sing Keith Urban in the car on the long rides to the city whilst staring out the window. Even when the music was off and everyone else was quiet, that's what I would do to pass the time. I had memorized some of his famous hits at only four years old, and sing all the time.

Somewhere along the way though, my family had made me feel self-conscious about my dream. I remember at a school concert, everyone had to say what they wanted to be when they were older. When I told this to my mom, she convinced me to say I wanted to be a hair dresser instead of a singer. And it's strange, because I even started to believe this is what I wanted. I would visit my mom in the hair salon she worked in and watch. But then I realized it didn't interest me.

By the time I entered grade eleven, which is when I moved, I couldn't stop stressing about what I wanted to become. I had thought about going to college to become a radio host, or to write commercials since I had a gift for it. But after much thought, I realized this wasn't what I wanted either. And this was the time that everyone in my family knew what they wanted too.

There was one day I had stayed home sick, and took a bunch of pictures. I spent about an hour editing my favorite pictures on a website that a teacher had shown me. My mom had seen it later that day and told me that I had real potential at becoming a photographer. This was the only time she had ever supported me in such a way. Those words still stick though, as I've decided to take up photography as a side project.
Going off topic a little, I remember that I had told my entire family about this. My cousin Allysha had mocked me about it, as usual. But then she started bragging how she's taking photography now, which is just annoying. But that has nothing to do with this.

I think in grade twelve though is when I really started to want to pursue this dream of becoming a singer. I had worked for a radio station, and had even got to record some commercials. And that feeling was honestly the best feeling in the world. There are not words that I can use to describe it. I think the best I can say though is that I felt so free and all my stress and problems were gone for those few hours. And the people I worked with in there were so fantastic and helpful. The guy that helped me record spent an hour with me just talking about shoes.

Throughout the course of grade twelve, I had a few dreams. I figured I could become the radio host which I already mentioned, I thought about becoming an artist which is silly because I'm not that artistic. I even thought about working at a retail store for the rest of my life.
But I realized I can't do any of those things. My mind and my heart have been set on becoming a musician for over fifteen years, and I can't throw that away.

When I go to concerts, I imagine what it's like to be up on the stage with fans cheering for you. And every time I get intense butterflies, my palms get extremely sweaty and I start smiling.
I have never gotten that feeling from anything else. Not from a boy. Not from any other job. Nothing.