The Time Capsule

Selena

Mary Lou. The name went in one ear, reminded my brain of who she was, and went out the other. Mary Lou.

“Selena dear, are you alright? You look pale.” Mr. Watson asks.

I set down my napkin, “I just need some air. If you’ll excuse me.” I smile and push back my chair, quickly getting out of the room.

When I’m out of the house I start sprinting. I needed to get away from him, away from the memories. I ended up stopping at an old maple tree about five acres away. Not far, but far enough.

Mary Lou. I remember her clearly…too clearly. Her pale skin and blond hair. Her short skirt and high heels. The way she moaned his name, bending her head back. I didn’t want to remember the day, didn’t want to think about it. But it was there, in the back of my mind. One of hundreds of my repressed memories. Hidden until one day, such as today, it was found.

I don’t know how long I was out there crying. Minutes, maybe hours. When I heard footsteps and looked up, it was dark outside. I close my eyes again, hoping it’s not James. He’s the last person I want to see right now. Actually, the last person I ever want to see.

I open them up and he’s sitting there right next to me, just like sixteen years ago.

“remember…” he was about to go down some memory lane about the good old days, just like we’d been doing this whole trip. Just like I wanted.

“no, I don’t remember James and no, I don’t want to remember! I want to forget about it all, forget about that summer, forget about you!” The tears started again and I didn’t hold them back. James reaches over to wipe a few away, but I slap his hand, “don’t you dare touch me James Watson.” Quickly, he sets his hand back in his lap, looking down at it. Suddenly I felt bad. He’s been trying this whole week to talk to me and I just keep shutting him up. Was he the bad guy in this picture still, or is it now me?

“how did you find me?” I ask in a hushed tone, closing my eyes.

“this is our spot.” It sounded like he wanted to say more but stopped himself short.

I open my eyes and find him staring at me, “what is it James? Don’t just cut short like that.”

“you said you don’t want to remember, and I’m respecting that.” He answers, “but if we’re not going to talk about us, can I ask why you won’t let me call you by your nickname?”

without second thought the answer leaves my lips, “because it was what Rick called me.” I cover my mouth quickly, hoping he didn’t hear.

“and who exactly was Rick, Selena?” I stay silent, holding my mouth shut. “was he a boyfriend?” I shake my head a little, “Husband?” the fact that he guessed it surprised me. I nod once. If he saw it then he knew the answer, if he didn’t then oh well.

“you’re married?” his voice was a mix of shock, hurt, and disappointment.

I wipe off the residue from my tears. “I was married. I finally got out of the relationship two years ago. Rick was everything but a good husband. He cheated on me, beat me, and forced me to have sex multiple times. When it was necessary though, he would act like the perfect husband. So it was hard for me to get out when everyone thought he was kind.” I take a deep breath, not daring to look up to see his reaction, “Rick always called me Lena and the name seems haunted now. He also was an alcoholic, which is why I flinch whenever someone drinks. It’s just another reminder of the pain.”

“and he’s in prison, right?” I nod, not wanting to speak again. “I can’t believe anyone would treat you that way.”

I laugh dryly, “you can’t believe that? Rick Harrison is the last person I ever want to speak to. You James, you’re in close second. So don’t do this whole pity act on me when I know who you really are.”

“who I really am? You know nothing about me Selena!”

“what? Are you going to justify all the women you sleep with and then dump? Are you going to explain to me what I saw that day? What’s there to know that I don’t already?”

It was James’ turn to be silent. I play with the bracelet on my wrist while he thinks about what I said. “I was stupid,” he whispers, barely loud enough for me to hear. “I knew it then. Heck, I probably knew it the day of.” He pauses, gathering together his words. “I was a player, that’s how it was. But then I started getting these feelings towards you that I hadn’t felt before. I thought that maybe, if I acted upon them, they’d fade away. That’s not how it works though. Instead my feelings toward you grew stronger and I didn’t know what to do. So I did…well you know. And it was stupid to think that would have fixed everything.”

I stare at him, surprised, yet still hurt. “fix everything? You make it sound like love isn’t right. You just needed to fix your feelings toward me? is that it?”

“no, no, no. God Selena, why do you think so lowly of me?” I raise an eyebrow and he ignores it. “You’ve seen my dad, how torn up he is ever since my mom left. Just like you can’t trust guys, I can’t trust women. It has nothing to do with you personally Selena.”

For once I was speechless. I never thought James would actually have a solid reason for what happened. Though it was still a jerk move, I can understand it.

“I’m just going to head home tomorrow. Save you all the trouble.” He stands up and walks back toward the house. I was still trying to figure out my next move but when I finally realized what I needed to do, he had disappeared into the forest.