The Time Capsule

James

I slam the front door shut and walk straight to my room. I know everyone was watching me but I didn’t care at this point. If Selena didn’t want me here I’d just leave. After all, I am at fault for everything that has happened.

Greg and Amber walk into my room looking worried and I just ignore them as I continue to pack. “Where’s Selena?” Amber asks.

“why would I care?”

Amber grabs my arm to stop me, “where is Selena, James?”

I sigh, “the maple tree. Might as well take one of the four wheelers at this point.”

She shakes her head, “no, it’s dark and I haven’t been on one for years. I can just run out there.” Amber whispers something to Greg and then leaves. I wish Greg would leave too but I know that wouldn’t happen anytime soon.

“so, what are you doing?” Greg asks, taking a seat on the bed.

“going home.” I answer simply.

He pulls the bag away from where I was about to set my shirt and I look up at him. “What are you doing?” he repeats.

“I’m doing what I do best Greg, I’m running away. now give me back the bag.”

“you’re not going anywhere James. You can’t just go around and screw random women for the rest of your life just because you can’t let go of one.”

“hand me back the bag Greg.” I repeat, but he still doesn’t let go.

“you still regret not being there for her sixteen years ago, why not make up for it now?” I was about to say something but he continued, “I’m not saying you guys have to fall in love again James, all I’m saying is that you need to work this out. You both feel guilty for different reasons, and until you talk about it, you’ll always feel guilty.”

I toss the shirt back down, “I told her! Okay? I told her and she didn’t say anything. So don’t put all of this on me now. It’s not my fault she doesn’t want me here.”

“what did you tell her James?”

I sit down on the bed, looking at the floor. “I told her that I couldn’t trust women after my mom left. That’s why I ran when my feelings grew stronger for her. I didn’t want to be the one getting hurt.”

“dammit James! You think Selena would hurt you?!?”

I was about to reply with a ‘no’ but someone else entered the room and cut me off, “Greg, can you give my son and I a moment to talk please?” I groaned inwardly as I heard my fathers tone. It obviously wasn’t a conversation I was going to enjoy. Greg nods and leaves the room before I can stop him. Once he’s out, my dad closes the door and sits next to me on the bed.

“So I don’t think you told me the whole story earlier.”

I gulp, “I don’t think I did either.”

“Want to explain then?”

“uh, well, very very long story short…I asked Selena out thinking that it would help make my feelings for her go away. but instead those feelings grew stronger. I got scared and cheated on her with Mary Lou and Selena walked in on that. We broke up and ignored each other, though I’m pretty sure I still love her and obviously I screwed up.”

“where’s the part that you blame this all on your mother?”

“I-”

“you know James, I thought I raised you better. And I also thought you were a lot smarter than this.”

“smarter than what?”

“your mother cheated on me and left me. And yes, that really did hurt me. I can see why it would make you not trust women. But look at what you did, James. To yourself? To Selena? You cheated on her, hurt her, and now she can’t trust men. Instead of trusting that your best friend would always be there for you, you ruined her life along with your own.”

“I-”

He holds up his hand to silence me, “I’m not finished. What you did sixteen years ago affected more than just you and Selena. I mean, the whole group fell apart that day. And what was your reason again? That you all wanted to go your separate ways for high school? I knew you were the ‘bad boy’ type, but I didn’t think you’d purposefully hurt anyone. That’s just not the guy I raised you to be.”

It was silent as I let my dad’s disappointment sink in. “what do you want me to say, dad? I know I screwed up, I know I ruined everyone’s life. But I’ve done everything I can think to do and nothing even comes close to fixing things.”

“did you apologize?” I’m sure it was a tough question for him to ask. He knew as much as Selena did how much apologizing meant to me.

“yes, I apologized on the plane ride over. And yes, it was sincere, and no, it wasn’t during a fight.” I look up at him, “Dad, I really did ruin her life. What she just told me earlier, the small piece of information I got out of her…it’s because of what I did and I just can’t face that pain again.”

“what do you mean ‘again’?”

Oh shit. “um, well…remember how I kind of got in trouble for skipping class and all? Let’s just say I have a very good reason for why I did that.”

My dad crosses his arms, waiting for the answer, “you do, huh?”

“yeah, uh, I hated seeing Selena so depressed and knowing I the one to blame. But I was too afraid to go up and talk to her, and so I kind of just avoided her.”

“and avoiding her meant missing class?”

“yes.”

“and you avoided her because it hurt you to see her in pain?”

“yes, and because I knew that seeing me caused her more pain and I didn’t want that for her. So it was to benefit her too.” I realized how long we’d been up here talking and had forgotten about Sarah and her daughter, “did you just leave Sarah down there?”

“no, they left a while ago.”

“oh.”

My dad stands up, ready to leave, “Why don’t you just tell her everything?” he asks.

He was staring at me, his eyes filled with pain and disappointment. I couldn’t blame him for that. After all, I did screw up a lot of things over the years. And that’s probably why I decided to ignore his question, in fear to screw up more. “Dad, mom died two years ago.”