Paper Wings

It's funny to me. Extremely funny how we end up with things we do not want and cannot change, how we try so hard to avoid things, but in the end having to face them despite ourselves. Like this. I never wanted this new found sexuality, I never wanted to be lesbian.
I thought I was fully attracted to boys, and tried to resist the urge of wanting to feel another girl by reminding myself that, but I could not resist staring at other girls in the locker room as we changed into our gym uniforms during school, or staring at the prettiest girls lip and curves with lust in my brown eyes.
It began to come natural to me, and as my curiosity continued to seep through my veins the urges grew more and more until I became intrigued by lesbian porn sites and images, maybe if I had been stronger and willed away these feelings for the opposite sex this would not have happened in the first place. And by this, I mean my mother scowling me at the dinner table from what she saw on my laptop. Silence filled the room until my father finally let out a sigh, crossing his arms over his chest before finally looking at me.

"So what is this Armoni? Its one thing to catch you on an adult site which is something I'd expect more from your brother than you, but then you're watching the sinful act of two women together."

I might have laughed if I wasn't disgusted with myself, I might have even laughed at the fact that he seemed more upset at the fact that I was watching lesbian porn but I couldn't have if I wanted too, my mouth was too damn dry.

" what is this?" He asked again. His voice had become stiff, firm and almost hardened.
I shrugged my shoulders, it was the only thing I could give. What was this? This was me, Armoni Mence 14 years old coming to terms with my own sexuality, though it is something would have preferred living without.

This me failing at my attempt of hiding this from my parents, to protect them from the truth, this is me coming out.

" I don't know."

Those three words sounded so weak.

"How do you not know?" My mothers voice rang out this time,scratchy and low.

"Do you want to look like those women? Do you wish you were those woman, were you just curious about sex and didn't know how to ask me or father?"

I shake my head at all three of those assumptions. Letting out a deep sigh and looking up at both of my parents.

"Thats something I enjoy watching, something I have thoughts about, because I am lesbian." I had said it, I had admitted it, knowing it wasn't a phase or anything that was going to go away but I wasn't expecting the tidal wave that hit afterwards.