Sweet Insanity
Seven.
“Do you think it is possible to have a black eye from a snowball?” Carson pouted slightly as she caught sight of a small bruise forming at the base of her eyelid in the window outside of the small café on grounds. They had managed to somehow slip off undetected by the nurses at the front desk and made their way to the small level red café. Everything here was in levels. If you managed red you were pretty much the best, but it took awhile. Luckily for Ben, she had quietly stole away two red stickers for their I.D’s so they could pretty much do whatever they want.
“Maybe, but if people ask what it is from I highly suggest lying and saying something cool. Otherwise I cannot be seen with you.” She laughed, but a larger part of her thoughts knew he was not kidding. People that would likely hurt his image were more than likely cast away rather than accepted. It was the image of a rock star that paid the bills. “Cheer up girl, I am just kidding. You’re hot enough to hang with all that is Ben.”
“But what if I was not hot? What if I was a complete monster, and had weird ears that looked like an elf? Would I not be good enough for you and your friends? If we were not stuck in this pathetic hell hole would I still be good enough? Am I actually good enough, or am I just all you have?” The words spilled out of her mouth and she waited for him to reply as they sat down at one of the tables. She was not accusatory or upset, just curious. She had an undying curiosity that kept life interesting, and she never failed to keep interest in something.
“If you were not hot then no, you would not be able to be seen all over the place with me. It sucks, but it is reality. Luckily for you, you do not have anything that resembles an elf so you do not have to worry about that. Take it a day at a time, don’t worry too much about the future.”
“So when we get out of here essentially we will no longer be friends? Is that what you are getting at?” He went to answer but fell silent as the waiter walked up. He did not need to answer, she already saw it in his eyes. She was hot enough for now, but when they got out she was not to the caliber people needed her to be. “Oh. I see.” She stood up and smiled at the waiter and shook her head. “I don’t want anything, I am going. Thank you though.”
The walk back to her room was lonely, and by the time she had returned to the main path it was dark and the only thing visible was the snow around her. It was peaceful and calming, not that she was even mad to begin with. Maybe she was, not that it mattered. It would never matter. Nothing was perfect, that was why she was here. She just wanted perfection, or to be perfection to someone. Everything that was simple when she was a child was so much more complicated now.
“You up?” She asked as she shut the door to her room and Elise nodded and sat up, rubbing her eyes as Carson turned the light on.
“What’s goin’ on? You look like shit ya know. Your eye is bruised up.” Carson sighed and nodded before setting her bag on the floor near her bed.
“I went with Ben to the café right, and he basically said I was not good enough for seeing or being friends with outside of rehab. How messed up is that?”
“That is pretty uncool. I guess that is what we get for trying to be friendly to a bunch of gits though. Wanna talk about it? Feelings and such?” Carson shook her head and Elise let out a relieved breath. Carson did not feel like talking. There was things in the world she was cool with, but talking about boy problems was not one of them. “Maybe you should talk to him about it ya know? Get it all out there and let him know you’re not for usin’” She nodded and laid down, not bothering to change. She just wanted to sleep.
It was not long before Elise was sleeping and Carson was continuing to stare at the ceiling, ignoring the pebbles that were hitting her window. She could kick herself for giving Ben that red sticker. He had taken full advantage if the rocks were any indication. Finally she had had enough and pulled open the window and stared into the bushes. “What in the hell do you want?”
“Is Elise up?” Danny. She groaned and shook her head. “Well can ya wake her up? It is important.” Carson wanted to scream, to do anything really, but instead she crossed over and prodded Elise’s sleeping frame.
“What?”
“Danny wants you outside.” Elise shot up as though someone had poured water on her and began to dress. Carson had to admit she was rather amused by the spectacle of her roommate dressing like a mad woman, and within moments she was out the window leaving Carson completely alone.
Except she was not alone. Because apparently while being entertained by Elise’s crazed actions she had not seen her own door open and shut, leaving her very much not alone. “Well that was humorous. Remind me to thank Danny for his good timing later.” Carson screamed at the surprise and Ben quickly covered her mouth. “Shut up, what do you want to be caught?”
“What do you want Ben? It is late and I wish to sleep. I have things to do tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow is a free day. You know as well as I do you have nothing to do. You just want me to leave so that you can sulk some more about how you’re not the same pedigree as the ladies that usually hang out with me. You have to get over it. Some people are different things. You’re cute Carson, so get over things already.”
“You sound just like Danny you ass. You think that I want to be the same pedigree as the sluts you probably hang out with? Guess what, I don’t! Surprise! There is at least one person in the fucking world who does not give a flying fuck about your looks or your dick or about the fact you get on a stage and sing. Gosh, why can you two not get over yourselves? I was a beauty queen when I was younger. Won like sixty crows. I dated the most popular guy in school and didn’t have to sleep with him once. I was offered a modeling contract, so someone thought I was beautiful. And yet, I stand here in a fucked up situation, just like you. You’re no different than me, why can you not accept that? People like you-”
“People like me? What is that supposed to mean?” He interrupted and she glared at him.
“People like you, let me see... well it means people who interrupt others first. People who think with their dicks instead of their brain... that think they are the best at everything and they have the power to make a person feel bad about themselves based on something they cannot change. People like you who think they rule the world, but in reality they are just scared little fucking boys hiding behind a bottle because they cannot put on a pair of big boy pants and man up to the fact they fucked up. People like you, fuck ups. Get out.” She was aware she had crossed a line she should not have, but she was mad. And words spoken in anger could not be retracted. He flinched visibly before leaving without another word. She wanted to follow after him and say sorry but she could not find the power to.
So, instead she lay down, more alone than she had since she had arrived her. And eventually, sleep greeted her like an old friend.
“Maybe, but if people ask what it is from I highly suggest lying and saying something cool. Otherwise I cannot be seen with you.” She laughed, but a larger part of her thoughts knew he was not kidding. People that would likely hurt his image were more than likely cast away rather than accepted. It was the image of a rock star that paid the bills. “Cheer up girl, I am just kidding. You’re hot enough to hang with all that is Ben.”
“But what if I was not hot? What if I was a complete monster, and had weird ears that looked like an elf? Would I not be good enough for you and your friends? If we were not stuck in this pathetic hell hole would I still be good enough? Am I actually good enough, or am I just all you have?” The words spilled out of her mouth and she waited for him to reply as they sat down at one of the tables. She was not accusatory or upset, just curious. She had an undying curiosity that kept life interesting, and she never failed to keep interest in something.
“If you were not hot then no, you would not be able to be seen all over the place with me. It sucks, but it is reality. Luckily for you, you do not have anything that resembles an elf so you do not have to worry about that. Take it a day at a time, don’t worry too much about the future.”
“So when we get out of here essentially we will no longer be friends? Is that what you are getting at?” He went to answer but fell silent as the waiter walked up. He did not need to answer, she already saw it in his eyes. She was hot enough for now, but when they got out she was not to the caliber people needed her to be. “Oh. I see.” She stood up and smiled at the waiter and shook her head. “I don’t want anything, I am going. Thank you though.”
The walk back to her room was lonely, and by the time she had returned to the main path it was dark and the only thing visible was the snow around her. It was peaceful and calming, not that she was even mad to begin with. Maybe she was, not that it mattered. It would never matter. Nothing was perfect, that was why she was here. She just wanted perfection, or to be perfection to someone. Everything that was simple when she was a child was so much more complicated now.
“You up?” She asked as she shut the door to her room and Elise nodded and sat up, rubbing her eyes as Carson turned the light on.
“What’s goin’ on? You look like shit ya know. Your eye is bruised up.” Carson sighed and nodded before setting her bag on the floor near her bed.
“I went with Ben to the café right, and he basically said I was not good enough for seeing or being friends with outside of rehab. How messed up is that?”
“That is pretty uncool. I guess that is what we get for trying to be friendly to a bunch of gits though. Wanna talk about it? Feelings and such?” Carson shook her head and Elise let out a relieved breath. Carson did not feel like talking. There was things in the world she was cool with, but talking about boy problems was not one of them. “Maybe you should talk to him about it ya know? Get it all out there and let him know you’re not for usin’” She nodded and laid down, not bothering to change. She just wanted to sleep.
It was not long before Elise was sleeping and Carson was continuing to stare at the ceiling, ignoring the pebbles that were hitting her window. She could kick herself for giving Ben that red sticker. He had taken full advantage if the rocks were any indication. Finally she had had enough and pulled open the window and stared into the bushes. “What in the hell do you want?”
“Is Elise up?” Danny. She groaned and shook her head. “Well can ya wake her up? It is important.” Carson wanted to scream, to do anything really, but instead she crossed over and prodded Elise’s sleeping frame.
“What?”
“Danny wants you outside.” Elise shot up as though someone had poured water on her and began to dress. Carson had to admit she was rather amused by the spectacle of her roommate dressing like a mad woman, and within moments she was out the window leaving Carson completely alone.
Except she was not alone. Because apparently while being entertained by Elise’s crazed actions she had not seen her own door open and shut, leaving her very much not alone. “Well that was humorous. Remind me to thank Danny for his good timing later.” Carson screamed at the surprise and Ben quickly covered her mouth. “Shut up, what do you want to be caught?”
“What do you want Ben? It is late and I wish to sleep. I have things to do tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow is a free day. You know as well as I do you have nothing to do. You just want me to leave so that you can sulk some more about how you’re not the same pedigree as the ladies that usually hang out with me. You have to get over it. Some people are different things. You’re cute Carson, so get over things already.”
“You sound just like Danny you ass. You think that I want to be the same pedigree as the sluts you probably hang out with? Guess what, I don’t! Surprise! There is at least one person in the fucking world who does not give a flying fuck about your looks or your dick or about the fact you get on a stage and sing. Gosh, why can you two not get over yourselves? I was a beauty queen when I was younger. Won like sixty crows. I dated the most popular guy in school and didn’t have to sleep with him once. I was offered a modeling contract, so someone thought I was beautiful. And yet, I stand here in a fucked up situation, just like you. You’re no different than me, why can you not accept that? People like you-”
“People like me? What is that supposed to mean?” He interrupted and she glared at him.
“People like you, let me see... well it means people who interrupt others first. People who think with their dicks instead of their brain... that think they are the best at everything and they have the power to make a person feel bad about themselves based on something they cannot change. People like you who think they rule the world, but in reality they are just scared little fucking boys hiding behind a bottle because they cannot put on a pair of big boy pants and man up to the fact they fucked up. People like you, fuck ups. Get out.” She was aware she had crossed a line she should not have, but she was mad. And words spoken in anger could not be retracted. He flinched visibly before leaving without another word. She wanted to follow after him and say sorry but she could not find the power to.
So, instead she lay down, more alone than she had since she had arrived her. And eventually, sleep greeted her like an old friend.